


Priori Incantatem

by MIZUM0NO



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Fluff and Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-03
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:00:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 23
Words: 67,840
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27752695
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MIZUM0NO/pseuds/MIZUM0NO
Summary: Part four of the series starting from 'The Potions Master'In which the Potions professor learns that perhaps, keeping secrets from the Defence Against the Dark Arts professor may not be the best of ideas, and that the consequences of his actions can lead to dire situations.(The story will follow in accordance with The Goblet of Fire, set in 1994-1995)
Relationships: Severus Snape/Reader
Comments: 48
Kudos: 170





	1. Alastor Moody

25th August 1994

Silence. Silence always seems to be the loudest sound, doesn't it? When you become aware of silence, immediately there is that state of inner still alertness. You are present, in the moment, observant of the things all around you. All the sound of the world drowned out, you are hyper-focused on the one thing you have your mind transfixed on. Nothing else mattered, but the silence.

Well, the silence, and the fact that there was a crying girl in your arms. You broke out of your trance, then, finding yourself still on the soft grounds of the campsite of the Quidditch World Cup, a girl with jet black hair wrapped tightly in your arms, and your wand lying a few feet away from you. _The Death Eater._ It all came rushing back, from the silence, memories of your childhood, then memories of your life as a student at Hogwarts, then as a Quidditch player and finally, memories of your time as a teacher at Hogwarts again. One thing painfully stood out among all those memories, and that was the lack of a family, a place you could call home. So to hear the hooded figure mention the name of one of the people you despised most in the world at such an untimely manner, sent you spiralling towards the deep depths of despair again. It had gotten so bad that silence was all you could hear for a while. 

The girl cried again, and you immediately broke out of your thoughts. _I have to get her to Thalia._ You picked yourself off the floor, and still carrying her in your arms and stuffing your wand back in your robes, you ran back to where you last saw the girl's older sister, then a few more metres north, making sharp turns to where you heard groups of wizards began to gather. None of them looked even remotely like Thalia, and you carried on moving, past the thick shrubs and fallen tree trunks, until your lungs began to hurt and the girl eventually calmed down, her head on your shoulder. She must have tired herself out from her crying, too. 

It was not until your feet almost gave out and the beads of perspiration on your forehead began to appear that you found the very people you were looking for. Along with a few of the other Ministry members, there stood your former student and Quidditch player, along with her very worried-looking family. They were pacing about, and the girl had her hands in her hair, as if wanting to tear it out. When they saw you approach, however, their faces instantly changed. 

"Thalia!" The girl in your arms screamed, and you put her down to let her run to her sister. The family surged forward to her side, but the older sister immediately went to you. 

"Oh, how could I thank you...Professor..." She looked like she was about to pass out from relief. You only smiled a small smile, before returning your attention to the various Ministry members, who frankly, had just finished trying to take care of the situation on the campsite, their own faces completely drained. You knew you had to return, the numbers on your wristwatch told you it was nearly three in the morning, and you promised Severus you would be home before sunrise. So once you assured that Thalia and her family were alright, and that she would write to you in case anything happened or she got hold of more information on who could have conjured the Dark Mark from the Ministry, you set off to find a quiet place to apparate back home. You wanted nothing more than to get away from the madness that was tonight. By the next morning, the incident will be all over the papers, you knew, so you had to get the information to Severus before he found out about it himself from the Daily Prophet. 

_Just great. The only night I was looking forward to, a night supposedly for relaxation and taking my mind off things, turned out to be one of the most harrowing nights of the year._

26th August 1994

"Your father's name? Are you absolutely sure it was your father's name?"

"Are you doubting my memory and hearing, Severus?"

"I'm simply stating, that in the rush of things, you could have been mistaken. You--stay still!" Severus was helping you bandage the shoulder which you had injured during the fall, but you whirled around at the prospect of him _doubting_ what you told him, causing the roll of bandages to fall to the floor. He picked it up, slightly irritated that he would have to start again, but stopped when he noticed your eyes burning into him. 

"I don't want to talk about this anymore." You stood, frustrated that what you feared most had come true. You knew Severus would doubt your story, seeing to it as he was a Death Eater himself, and he knew that they swore around secrecy, never risking each other's identity by telling a non-Death Eater. But _you heard it, you were sure of the name,_ and how could you be wrong when you only knew of one person with a name like _Horatius_? The bandages fell off your shoulder again, and you quickly put on your shirt, ignoring the large bruise that hurt when you moved your arms too much. 

"(y/n), I'm not doubting you, I just wanted to make sure. I _believe you_ , now stop being stubborn and come back here, your shoulder is only going to get worse if you do nothing about it," Severus calmly retorted, coaxing you to get back on the bed with him, but you had made up your mind. Huffing in annoyance, you started towards the kitchen, ignoring his pleas. "(y/n), you're treating me like I'm invisible!"

"And you're treating me like a child! I don't want to talk about this anymore, and that's final."

"Your father is looking for you, we're not done talking about this. He could-"

"He can't _get to me_ , Severus. I'll be in Hogwarts for the rest of the year, and The Dark Lord isn't rising anytime soon, people are stupid to believe that. Now can we please drop this? I'm not in the mood to argue with you anymore."

"You're never in the mood for anything, anyway," The black-haired man said under his breath, but you heard it, and dropped the mug you were holding. You were about to reply with a a very snide remark, to cuss him out, but decided against it. Arguing with him felt even more tiring than just accepting his moody temperament for now. 

"I'm leaving. Do whatever you want, then, since obviously I'm _never in the mood for it_ with you. Just have your bags ready when I'm back. We don't want to be late for the Hogwarts Express," you said with a final sigh, grabbing your coat to head out for a while. You could hear Severus protest behind you, obviously mortified that you heard what he wanted to only say to himself, but you could not care less. There was a slight drizzle as you made your way out of the apartment, and internally cursing yourself that you forgot to bring an umbrella out, you decided to just give up and walk in the rain anyway. _Nothing matters anymore, doesn't it? Nothing I do matters to anyone, anymore._

When you returned, your clothes absolutely drenched and your hair a little messy, you were prepared to see Severus curled up in your armchair, perhaps still sulking over the fact that you heard his remark earlier, or on the bed, reading his books that he had brought over to share with you, or even crouched over his cauldron, concocting another potion to add to his collection of the ones he invented. What you did not expect, however, was for him to emerge from the kitchen then, his hands in the bright orange kitchen gloves that made him look _absolutely ridiculous_ , holding a pot of what you assumed to be some sort of stew in them. Severus never cooked. 

"What are you doing? I thought I told you to have your bags packed. Now not only are we going to be late for the train, but I have to clean the kitchen before we go, too." You were tired, and Severus seemed to be getting on every single one of your nerves today. 

"I'm sorry. I wanted to apologise, I feel horrible for what I said earlier. You are still healing, still growing, and I shouldn't have taken out my own frustrations at you. Please," He set the pot down, and you realised it was a stew that you mentioned you liked to him once, offhandedly, not expecting him to remember. Your heart was starting to feel bad for telling him off. "Accept my apology? And let's eat together, one last time with just the two of us before we return to Hogwarts and won't have as many chances to be alone anymore. I've cleaned the kitchen and packed your bags for you too. You must be freezing."

You could cry, as he moved to take your coat off for you, and muttering a heating charm. It was your turn to feel horrible then, with what Severus had done to try to make it up to you. _Of course, every single time I even try to be angry at him, he does things like these that make me fall for him all over again._

He was about to pull your chair out for you, when you pulled him into a tight embrace, not caring if his clothes had gotten wet as well. Your head on his shoulder, he could hear a _I don't deserve you_ uttered from your mouth, before your lips were on his, kissing him with every single emotion that flickered through your being. _I love you too,_ he thought. 

As you ate with him, he talked about the upcoming Triwizard Tournament, the ball that was to come during the duration of it, and the other Wizarding schools that were due to arrive to Hogwarts. He stiffened a little when talking about the Durmstrang Headmaster, Igor Karkaroff, but you simply regarded it as someone he was not too friendly with in the past, not worrying about it. He would tell you if it concerned him, right? And while Severus talked, you could not help but stare at him lovingly, suddenly feeling very thankful that _he stayed_ , after everything. You could not express how grateful you were to have him in your life.

1st September 1994

By the time the term was actually due to start, you and Severus, as well as the other teachers, had been kept so busy with final preparations for the Triwizard Tournament that you did not even have time most days to talk to him personally at all. Most days, the only moment that you could share together was when you were preparing to rest for the night, falling asleep next to him. Even then, few words were exchanged, the both of you too exhausted to keep up a proper conversation. So it was a relief when the students started streaming in, because it signified the end of a very gruelling first week of work. 

The weather had been less than pleasant, though. Thundery showers and hurling winds made everything outside the grounds of the castle difficult to see, and although you thought of welcoming the returning students as you always did, with Minerva this time, you were kept busy when Dumbledore pulled you aside to welcome your new partner in teaching, Alastor Moody. 

"He's late," You checked, tapping your foot on the ground impatiently. 

Dumbledore, looked calm as ever. "Moody has always been a little paranoid, after everything that's happened to him. It would make sense that he takes a little more time to settle his fears and worries over coming to somewhere new all over again. Do treat him well, (y/n)."

The man could sense that something was off with you, but did not say anything. He would wait and see if things went the way he was slightly concerned about before he would make assumptions again. Sighing, you leaned against the wall then, waiting for the man along with Dumbledore. 

But Alastor Moody had not shown up until halfway through the feast, interrupting Dumbledore's announcement of the Triwizard Tournament. He opened the Great Hall's doors with a huff of annoyance, and catching the attention of every single student in the hall, began making his way down to the high table, a _clunk, clunk, clunk_ could be heard in his footsteps. You realised the man had a wooden leg, ending with a clawed foot. But that had been one of the least scariest things about him, his face was marred and full of ugly scars, his shaggy hair unkempt and long, and most noticeable of all, the bright blue eye that had been attached in replacement for an eye he had lost was rolling in every direction, much to the horror of some very terrified first-years. He shook Dumbledore's hand, then pulled out the chair between the Headmaster and you, and sat with a loud sigh, as if his journey to the castle had been long and hard. 

Dumbledore introduced him, but the usual round of applause and formal nodding that came around whenever a new Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher was introduced was non-existent. Moody seemed to exude an air of terror to the students, and the atmosphere had grown tense and unusual as he came. You mentally reminded yourself to rearrange the schedule so that you would take more of the first-year classes, not wanting them to be scarred by him on their very first year at Hogwarts. 

At the end of the feast, however, the usual excited buzzes among the students could be heard again, after the news of the Triwizard Tournament was announced. Dumbledore had been more than pleased, and as he dismissed the teachers to return to their quarters for the night, too, he was smiling as widely as possible, not able to hide his excitement for the rest of the year. You, on the other hand, were just interested to hit the pillow for the night, not wanting to think about anything else until you have had your first proper sleep in five days. 

However, as Severus and you were walking out behind the group of the other teachers, you heard Moody call out both your names. Severus seemed a little shaken, before his facade was back on, and he turned to face Moody, who was still at the table with the Headmaster. The man was giving the both you dirty looks with his different coloured eyes, and you wondered what you even did to warrant for his behaviour. 

"A Death Eater and the daughter of Death Eaters, Dumbledore, you sure do love giving second chances, do you?" He spat, and Severus' gaze looked murderous.

"Severus has been cleared of suspicion years ago, Alastor. He has proven himself to be on our side, you remember?" Dumbledore seemed keen to stop whatever Moody was going to say next, but the man only shook his head, and scoffed.

"Leopard never changes its spots, Dumbledore. I'd still keep an eye out for him if I were you, with what's happened at the Quidditch World Cup and all. Your _Severus_ could very well have been one of those _troublemakers_."

"Severus was not even there! Watch what--" You interjected, furious now that he would ever accuse the potions professor of such a thing. _Who does he think he is? Just because he's an ex-Auror and had high status in the Ministry doesn't give him the right to come accusing people of everything! He's been here for less than a day and-_

"You have a lot of nerve to speak to me, too, Professor _(l/n)_ ," You winced as he pronounced your last name with disgust, "Considering your parents' betrayal of the Ministry and what they've done during the first Wizarding War. It would be sad to see that their daughter has turned out exactly the same, with a temper like yours. They were my friends too, you know? Turned out to be my worst enemies, slipped right through my fingers when I was so close to bringing them to Azkaban. So forgive me for thinking someone as filthy as them could have a daughter that turned out any different. For all I know, you could be a spy planted to this school, gathering information for The Dark Lord until he rises again, which we all know is going to happen eventually. You looking exactly like your mother definitely does not help your case as well," Moody hissed, his eyes now focused on you, a look of absolute hatred on his face. 

Dumbledore had to yell at Severus to physically hold you back before you swung at your new teaching partner that night.


	2. Unforgivable

1st September 1994

"Come on, come on...let's just go." You could hear Severus whispering softly in your ear, his strong arms the only barrier between you and Moody, but you were livid. You wanted so badly to have a go at the man, wanted to just knock that stupid, horrifying eye off his face. _I haven't done the slightest thing to him, and he's accusing me of things I would never dream of even doing!_

"Severus, (y/n), please return to your rooms for tonight. I'll speak to Moody, thank you," Dumbledore said with a finality, for Moody too looked like he was not about to back down. Severus spun you around, getting your eyes to meet his, before nodding. You were reluctant to just _return to your room_ without at least landing a punch at Moody, but Dumbledore was the only person you respected enough to let go of your grudge for. So controlling the urge to flip off Moody, you stormed out of the hall to the hallways, Severus following suit.

But your anger quickly dissipated when you turned the doorknob of your room, however. After spending the past few nights in Severus', you forgot that going into your own room would bring about its own set of horrors. _Alana_ , the name of the child you never got to bring into the world. Everything happened inside the room, everything that you wished to forget so badly. You forgot that the very reason you had been sleeping over at Severus' room, was so that you could forget your own nightmares. With your hand on the doorknob then, you felt your body tense and your heart pounding hard in your chest. The box of her belongings Severus had prepared, the memories of you finding out about her in your bathroom, the memories of Severus curled up in bed next to you, his head resting on your bump, listening to her heartbeat, and then the memories of all the time you spent alone, without her, without Severus, after her loss, it was overwhelming you. 

You never really slept that night. Severus volunteered to spend the night with you, but you had rejected him, wanting some time alone. He thought nothing of it, since he appreciated his alone and quiet times too, he loved that about your relationship. The fact that you could still be together while being apart, gave him the space and time he enjoyed by himself too. But that night, you wished he was there, you really did. Every few hours you would drift off after fits of tossing and turning, but the nightmares would wake you up right as your body allowed itself to rest. In the end, as your alarm hit, you realised that you barely had two hours of uninterrupted sleep, and your head was killing you. 

2nd September 1994

The prospect of having to face Moody again in the morning also made you grumble, and as you made your way to the Great Hall for breakfast, you realised that you were dragging your feet. You never dragged your feet. _What have I become?_ You scolded yourself as even the returning students, who were usually happy to see you and would wave to you in the hallways, avoided doing so when they saw your irritable face. 

"What are you teaching your half of the fourth-years?" The voice that you had been dreading to hear interrupted you. 

"Hexes," you replied without looking at him. The plate of pancakes in front of you suddenly did not look so appetising anymore. 

"Teach them the Unforgivable Curses. That's what I plan on teaching mine today, so we would be in sync," Moody returned, downing a gulp from his hip flask. 

"I don't teach those until sixth-year. Fourth-years learn about hexes, Unforgivable Curses are not even included in the syllabus for the OWLs they'll be sitting for in the next year."

"Well, I prefer a more practical approach. Knowing to deflect and cast hexes won't do them any good when facing a Dark wizard."

"Well, just because you're an ex-Auror, doesn't mean a Dark wizard is lurking at every single corner, ready for an opportunity to attack them." You dropped your fork, facing him then. He was still not looking at you, sitting beside Minerva, who had been caught in the crossfire between the both of you. She looked slightly perturbed to have been involved, but said nothing, as she simply kept on eating, not keen to get herself into your argument. Moody had no reaction as well, and continued eating, and you were about to shout over to him when he cleared his throat. 

"The Dark wizard could very well be their teacher, couldn't it?" 

"Why, you-" You reached out to grab his collar, but Minerva had stepped in this time, holding your wrists and her eyes darting dangerously to the side. You gave her a look, trying to find out what she was trying to imply, when your eyes landed on the hundreds of pairs of curious eyes. The students had been watching the argument unfold. _Just great._ Minerva had stopped you from causing a scene in the nick of time, thankfully. You adjusted yourself, before smiling sweetly at the students again, and a chuckle broke out among the older ones. 

"You're right, Professor Moody. I'll be sure to revise on the Unforgivable Curses later." The man finally seemed satisfied. 

You were absolutely sure you would never make friends with Moody. His attitude, uptightness, and overall personality was a cause for you to want to stay far, far away from a man like him. You did not mind having to work without his help for the year, you had managed to do it with Quirrell and then Lockhart anyway. And, if the curse turned out to be true, that no Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher would last for more than a year with you, you were lucky that you would not have to deal with him anymore for the following year too. But that was until you saw what he had done to Draco Malfoy. 

Rushing for dinner from your last class of the day, you nearly tripped on the marble staircase with how tired you were. Cursing yourself, you continued on your journey when a loud commotion blocked your path to the Great Hall. There was a scream, and then something white and furry burst through the air, and the students cleared as you pushed through them, only to see Moody and Harry at the center of it all. Moody was bouncing a ferret, and judging by the wand on the floor that you had recognised quite well, you realised that he had transfigured one of the students. 

"Professor Moody!" You were shocked that he would do such a thing. 

"Hello, Professor (l/n)." He, on the other hand, was calm, even showing you the ferret in his hands. You recoiled, a look of disgust on your face. 

"Is that...a student?" You had to confirm your suspicions, and he replied with a _sure is_ in such a calm tone that your horror intensified way beyond what you initially felt. 

"No! We don't transfigure _students_ as a punishment! What the hell were you-here," You pulled out your wand, and a loud, sharp cracking in the air could be heard before the ferret became the figure of Draco Malfoy once more, his face pink and his eyes wide. "We give them detentions, tell their Head of Houses, anything-"

"Well, I shall tell you now, then. Your Slytherin boy was misbehaving, challenging Harry Potter to a duel, after insulting Ronald Weasley's mother at that, too." Moody shrugged, not even giving the Malfoy boy another look. Secretly, your heart felt a little tug of happiness that he finally got what he deserved, after years of insulting and bullying those around him, but still, it was not appropriate for him to be turned into a ferret despite everything he had done to warrant for it. 

"I'm not Slytherin's Head of House. That's Professor Snape, if you must know." You helped Malfoy to stand, the boy still a little dazed. 

Moody stifled a laugh. "Funny, thought that the both of you would share ownership of the House now, seeing as you are a Slytherin couple, and that all the wretched wizards come from Slytherin."

Never mind on your slightly positive experience with him. You were yelling at him then. "I'M A RAVENCLAW!" 

10th September 1994

You were working quietly in your office one night when the three raps that you specifically taught Harry, Ron and Hermione sounded out. It was sort of a code, between the four of you, that they had come to discuss personal matters, and not schoolwork. Without looking up from your papers, you opened the door, and Harry entered by himself. Ron and Hermione rarely came, still not as comfortable with you as Harry was, considering what happened in the previous year, but Harry seemed to understand. You had a strange feeling that he knew of happened, catching him speaking to Remus the night he left, but you hoped that he would not bring it up. 

"Honeydukes hasn't resupplied their stock of chocolate cakes, so I've only got these biscuits to offer you, is that alight?" You shook a nearly empty box of butter biscuits as you set the cups of tea on the table across from you and the boy. He smiled gratefully at the treats, dinner had been hours ago and the growing boy had a huge appetite, and nodded at you. 

He had torn through half of the biscuits before he began speaking about his first week, you closing your eyes while listening. Splayed out on the armchair, you were a little relieved he had come to distract you from your work a little, giving you a chance to relax. "And then Hermione had us joining this movement called S.P.E.W, or something, she wants justice for the unpaid house-elves, which I found was kind of ridiculous, but I paid my two sickles to her anyway to get her to stop pestering me about it. Don't be surprised when she approaches you, too, for your two sickles."

"I look forward to it. Have been meaning to get rid of the last two sickles I have," you joked, earning a laugh from the boy. He drank a little of his tea, wiped his mouth, before he stopped for a moment, a thought had just hit him. You noticed, and turned to face him, but he shrugged it off quickly, deciding not to tell you after all.

"Tell me, what you were thinking of telling me." Harry had a scary feeling that you could read his mind, just like Severus could. 

He relented after a while. After all, who else could he tell in confidence without worrying the person? Sirius had become instantly concerned, and Hermione and Ron were telling him to tell Dumbledore as well, but all he wanted was another perspective to tell him that it was nothing serious, that he had just been worrying for nothing. "My scar started hurting, one night during the holidays."

That got you wide awake. Sitting up, alert, you prompted for him to continue. "Before that, I dreamt of...of Voldemort. He was in a house, talking to someone, and I felt like I was there, but I wasn't. I...it felt strange because I could see and hear everything, but I...I can't put my finger on what was happening. And then I woke up, and my scar hurt so bad. It felt like it was burning through my skin."

You moved his hair a little, exposing the lightning shape on his forehead, and tried to mask the worry on your face. _The Dark Lord. It can't be, can it? He cannot be really rising again._ It must have been Harry's connection to The Dark Lord that had hurt him, and you were finding it hard to convince yourself that that monster was not rising again. 

"You don't think it's serious, don't you, Professor?" 

"I don't...I'm afraid I'm not in the position to tell you what I think, Harry. The next time this hurts, tell Dumbledore straight, okay? I-" _Then it hit you._ It hit you why Dumbledore had hired Alastor Moody to be your partner in teaching. 

Swallowing, you realised that you really had to befriend him then, whether you liked it or not. Moody was hired because The Dark Lord really was rising.


	3. Your Sweater

17th September 1994

You were walking back from one of your practical lessons outside on the Hogwarts grounds when a sharp whistle sounded, as if to beckon you to turn. Seeing as you had a little time to entertain, you sighed, prepared to lecture the student who thought it was polite to address you in such a manner. 

It was Moody. His feet clunked as he got closer to you, and a new feeling of annoyance surged through you. "Afternoon, (y/n)."

"Afternoon, _Professor Moody_. Have you come to supervise my walk around the castle as well?" 

He sneered. "On the contrary, I wanted to invite you to watch one of my lessons today, if you are not busy doing anything else. I noticed you have taught your half of fourth-years the effects of the Imperius Curse on spiders and frogs. Although very admirable and interesting, Dumbledore has said that he wants us to teach the students what it feels like. I'm assuming you haven't followed his advice."

"Dumbledore has given me the rest of the year to take my time to ease the students into it. I don't plan on jumping at every opportunity to torture my students, which, is what you would assume of me, no?"

"Yes, but you must know why I have been invited to teach, I heard Dumbledore's finally informed you last night, (y/n)." It was true, Dumbledore had been inviting you a lot to his office lately, if not to check in on you, it would be to _catch up over tea_ or any other excuse he would make to pull you aside and find out what you had been doing from day to day. It was not like what happened the previous semester had greatly affected your teaching, your students still had stellar scores ever since you came into Hogwarts to teach, and he has never bothered to lecture or pull Lockhart or Quirrell aside even once anyway, and they were extraordinarily bad at their jobs. But yet, it was as if he was trying to keep an eye on you. He probably cared too much, that man, since you assured him you were fine so often that it had gotten suspicious, when the truth was, you never enjoyed talking about your feelings to anyone other than Severus. 

You gave in, since you had to befriend or at the very least, be civil with him somehow, and followed Moody to the classroom. The students were slightly surprised to see you, but you kept to the back of the class as one by one, he beckoned them forward, and cast the Imperius Curse on them. To no surprise, not one of them could fight off the Curse, and could only recover when Moody removed it. _They were not ready,_ you thought, silently thinking that your progress had been much better with your half of the class, with how you were approaching the topics. You hated to compare, but it was hard watching the students get cast by the Curse when they should not even have been subjected to it. _Children should never have to see the ugly bits of war, which was every bit of it. I have experienced that myself, and it was horrible._

But if you would expect anyone to have an inkling to be even able to fight it off, it would be Harry. And you were proven right, when a loud crash pulled you out from your stupor, only to see that Harry had somewhat fought the Curse off, or at least resisted against it. The grin on Moody's face was indescribable. 

"Impressive, I would like to admit." You walked up to the professor after the students left, his blue eye looking straight at you even though he was busy wiping the board clean. 

"I was not an Auror for nothing, you know. And your parents, they could perform that Curse so well, even the most powerful of wizards found it hard to fight it off. Used to be one of their signature spells, used it on me too," he grunted, facing you then. "I wouldn't be surprised if you could fight it off as well as they could."

A thought sprang in your mind. "Try me, then." 

"I don't doubt your powers, (y/n). Even your parents never did. You don't have to prove anything to me, I know you are very capable in what you can and cannot do. That was why I was so wary of you, not because I thought any less of _Horatius' daughter._ "

It seemed to spur you on even further, the name bringing out memories you very much would have liked to repress. "Are you afraid, Professor Moody? I would like to try your Curse, if you're not afraid to cast it on me."

He hesitated for a moment once more, before raising his wand at you, and shouting _Imperio!_

Instantly, a surge of warmth enveloped you, relaxing every muscle in your body. There was a strange lull of comfort, of happiness that rested at the back of your head, before his voice filled it, imploring you to drop the papers you were holding, and to lay on the floor. It grew stronger the more you listened, and you were so relaxed, you felt like doing anything he said just so you could have that quiet moment of immense calmness again. But as the first slip of paper fell from your hand, it was as if a sharp prick stabbed the back of your brain, yelling at you to _stop whatever you were doing_ , and come to reality. 

It was easier than you thought, fighting it off. You immediately held on to the papers tighter, and looked straight at the man, who had a slight hint of amazement in his eye. "Told you, kid. You have a talent. If you had been in Slytherin, The Dark Lord would have recruited you first thing you know, seeing how you can pull off an Imperius Curse like that. Must have been why Dumbledore's given you extra attention too, definitely wants you on his side."

"On...his side?"

Moody snickered. "Oh, don't tell me you don't know. Dumbledore's reading the signs, and he knows The Dark Lord is rising again. Matter of time, in fact, before The Dark Lord summons his followers again, and then he's going to recruit more and more, stronger than ever. Both sides would definitely want you on their team. Dumbledore, to ensure he did not lose such an important asset that could fight off someone as strong as your parents, and The Dark Lord, well, it's obvious what he wants. To have you on his side, would mean he would have one more witch that could kill, fight and defend him as well as your parents could, and that is saying a lot. Your parents would have died for him, I was sure. They were smart, too. Ex-Aurors meant they had a lot of insider information on the Ministry, fed The Dark Lord with it, allowing him to nearly wipe out half the Ministry's population. But they never got caught, laid low when the real Aurors would come round, and hid the moment they heard they were dragging his followers to Azkaban. And when power meets intelligence, that, is the deadliest combination you could ever have. Your father had the power, your mother the intelligence. They must've expected their daughter to succeed them, but...it is always our own prejudices, our own hate and fear, that prohibits us from accomplishing the greatest of things, isn't it? You would have been the deadliest combination, and not just in those Quidditch matches you loved so dearly. Dumbledore obviously thought you were a key in winning a second war, if he is taking this much interest in you _now._ "

"Surely there can't be another war. And...I'm definitely not as powerful as you make me out to be, Moody. I don't think I inherited any of my parents' abilities, to tell you the truth." You were learning new things about them everyday, things they never bothered telling you at all. All you ever knew, was that you grew up hating them, never wanting to understand why they did what they did, just that they were wrong, for betraying the good side, for betraying Dumbledore. 

"Not now, perhaps. But with the proper training, and honing of the skills you obviously possess, I can confidently say you surpass even Severus Snape in your skills and abilities. And you know I don't enjoy joking very much." Moody could tell you were disbelieving, but if his serious face told you anything, it was perhaps the fact that you were very, very curious on what he meant, and if he really was meaning what he said. 

"I could teach you, train you, test your limits, if you want. Dumbledore would like that very much, too. He would want to see what you are truly capable of, and not just the image of the fully unleashed potential of yours he has in his head. But it is all up to you, of course, if you want to see how far you can go above the constraints you have right now. Would be shame to reject me, though, I was put here for a reason." Moody shrugged.

"To train me?" You could scoff.

"Among other things, to look out for the Triwizard Champions as well, in case you've forgotten. But yes, that had been one of the things Dumbledore and I agreed on, to let you see your potential. He told me you went through some rather unpleasant things last semester, worried it's thrown you off course. I can help you take your mind off those things, if you need. Magic has always been the one source of comfort for me."

You were finally starting to like this man. Taking his hand in yours, you took him up on his offer, and he only gave another nonchalant grunt, as if training you would be no bigger deal than offering to help you plan lessons or take over classes. 

15th October 1994

September went by in the blink of an eye, and by the time the weather got colder and the scarves had started showing up on everybody's necks, you knew that you had settled in quite well. You were no longer feeling as tired, the workload had been easier now that the final preparations for the Tournament were set, and the trainings with Moody in the privacy of the Hogwarts grounds near Hagrid's hut gave you an outlet to release the stress, the anger, you had always found difficult to release in any other manner. The both of you rarely spoke in those sessions, him only teaching you the spells and charms he would to any other Auror, and surprisingly, many of the Dark magic he had grown to know, which you could perform quite well and without much practice.

But it was a weekend, and you were looking forward to doing nothing but spend the day with Severus. Weekends were the rare times the both of you would have any quiet time together, and you intended on making full use of them while you could. Severus, too, loved weekends. He loved the idea of being able to hold your hand, pull you into his arms, and kiss you whenever he could without the fear of a student swinging by or interrupting you in your offices, and although he loved spending quiet moments doing nothing all weekend with you, he had other plans in mind on how to spend the final few weekends before the both of you would be irrevocably thrown into the mess of the upcoming Triwizard Tournaments. 

Severus watched as you changed into another one of his old sweaters upon exiting his bathroom, and he internally gushed at how effortlessly beautiful you looked, even if your hair was wet and you had no makeup on and you were wearing a sweater that he had forgotten when he had last seen in his own wardrobe. Some days, Severus could not believe how lucky he was to have you. As you settled in his lap to get a little of his warmth, he slowly tucked one of your stray hairs that had fallen to your face, and kissed your cheek. 

"Don't look at me like that." Severus had not even noticed you were blushing. 

"Like what?"

"Like I'm something _pretty_ to be looked at, like you think I'm adorable or something. I might just have to kiss that stupid smile off your face if you keep that up," you whispered, and if possible, Severus smiled even wider. 

"But you are, you are the most beautiful thing in the world, and you deserved to be looked at with love. If I could, I would stare at you all day." Severus wrapped you up in his embrace, chuckling when you yelped as you were made to sit on his lap properly then. "But however, I have plans for us today. What would you say...to a date in Hogsmeade? Just the both of us?"

"You don't like leaving the castle very much, Severus." You gave him an uneasy look, not very sure what he was up to. 

"Yes, but I would, for you. You've been so stressed out these past few weeks, and I know sleeping in your own room and facing everything that's happened has been so hard for you, so I thought...a day away from everything would take some of that pressure away? I don't know," Severus suddenly looked very unsure of himself, his hands fumbling. "We don't have to...if you don't want to."

 _Had I done too much? Had I scared her away, or got her annoyed, or taken away the peace and quiet she wanted to spend the weekends on? Oh Merlin, what if-_ But he was cut away with your lips meeting his, a laughter erupting from your chest that made his heart thump wildly in his own, and you replying that you would love to. 

The trip was lovelier than Severus imagined, because although he had visited the various shops there about a hundred times by himself, or when the occasional Slytherin student requested for his company, he seemed to enjoy it much more with you by his side. Your cold hand clutching his warm one tightly, and you leaning against him every single time the both of you peered through the windows of the shops, Severus could not believe it was possible to still fall over and over again for someone he had been with for nearly three years. But the highlight of it all would probably have to be at the end of it, when after the both of you exited The Three Broomsticks slightly buzzed from butterbeers, the air dropped a few degrees colder than you would have liked. 

You were not one to expect to do cheesy stuff with Severus, you knew the both of you were one of those couples that never fancied gifting flowers or declaring your love or displaying your affections in public, no, just the two of you having everything to yourselves was enough for you. So you were reluctant to be _that girl_ to ask for Severus' sweater in the freezing cold when you were sure he needed it too, but the redness in your cheeks and the frozen popsicles you called fingers were a telltale sign to Severus already. He wanted to see how long you would last, how long your stubbornness was causing you to not want to give in and ask for his sweater, which, he could do without, by the way, but he just wanted to see how long you would hold out when you were basically shivering as you walked and clutching his arms even tighter to your body, desperate for some warmth. 

But Severus gave in anyway. The sight of you stubbornly refusing to ask him for his sweater was cute at first, but he was never one to want to let you be in an uncomfortable position for long. He would give you anything he had if it meant you would be happy. So sighing loudly, he shrugged off his coat, took out his black sweater (which left him in only a thin shirt, but he did not mind), and shoved it to your hands. You narrowed your eyes, before huffing, mumbling something Severus could not hear. 

"What was that?" He had an amused smile on his face that you wanted to knock right out. 

"I said...I don't want your sweater. You're going to freeze to death without it, and I'm perfectly fine with my coat. Now put it back on." You attempted to shove it back to him, and he took it, before immediately pulling it over on you. 

Severus would never forget the blush on your face and the smile you adorned for the rest of the journey home, his smell enveloping you and the warmth making your heart sing. He decided, that it could possibly be a scene he would remember the next time he had to cast a Patronus charm. It seemed like nothing could ruin his day, even as the both of you returned to the castle and you were met with Fred and George Weasley, who kept pestering you on where you had gotten such a large sweater that you were drowning in from, and even as Severus watched you yell at them in response from across the hallway.


	4. Durmstrang, Beauxbatons and Karkaroff

30th October 1994

"Padma, come here, get that thing out of your hair, please." A swipe on her hair removed the ridiculous accessory she had on. 

"Anthony Goldstein, keep that book you're holding! It's highly inappropriate to be showing that off to the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students!" You snatched away a copy of provocative material from the boy's hands, much to his chagrin. 

"And Roger, please...I know, we all know, you're handsome and you're the Captain of our Quidditch team, but that mirror is going to break if you spend one more second staring at it! Come here, join the rest of us, will you?" You shouted out to the other end of the Ravenclaw common rooms, in hopes that the boy will _at least_ stop checking himself over in the mirror for one second, and cooperate with you. The House was lined up in twos, and although most of them were willing to follow instructions, you still had many housekeeping matters that Flitwick overlooked when preparing to welcome the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students. Most of these matters, included grooming. Growing up in a household that was used to welcoming guests and being in tiptop behaviour whenever they were to arrive, you could not help but feel frustrated that your Ravenclaws, of all people, were getting too excited to keep up with proper grooming. And to think that you had taught them better than this. 

Finally getting the sixth-year Roger Davies to stop staring at the precious mirror in the common rooms, you made your way down to the Entrance Hall with the Ravenclaws tailing behind, Flitwick meeting you from his office halfway. 

"Oh! They've tidied up very well, (y/n)!" He was pleasantly surprised as he tipped his toes and looked over the lot of them. 

"You've taught me well, Professor. I was simply carrying on the torch on what you would have done if the Tournament were to happen during my time," you replied, standing next to Minerva and the Gryffindors as you arrived. 

"How many times have I told you to call me Flitwick already?"

"Hundreds, Professor." 

The evening was rather cold, but the skies were clear, thankfully, showing off a very beautiful moon that was starting to show over the setting sun. Minerva nudged you on the side, and leaning down to try to hear what she was trying to say, you instantly felt a rush of betrayal when all she asked was if you were okay. _Why would I not be okay? What is up with everyone constantly checking up on me these days?_ Shrugging your shoulders, you said nothing more, and in the nick of time, too. Dumbledore had descended upon the steps, and was pointing out the arrival of the Beauxbatons carriages. The beautiful powder-blue appeared through the sky, and as the giant horses landed and pulled the carriages even closer, you found yourself admiring the intricate designs on the sides of it and the golden hairs of the Palomino horses, a vivid reminder of the beauty that a French institution would no doubt present. 

You had only seen Madame Maxime through pictures, and even then, you had not noticed that she would be _that_ tall. Towering over you and all the others as she made her way out of the carriage in her stunning black satin, you suddenly found yourself in awe of the woman as she greeted Dumbledore amidst the applause in the crowd. _I have to get a chance to talk to her_ , you thought, as you watched her enter the school, the students, all dressed in fine silk and carrying themselves with the same poise and cool confidence as their Headmistress, following right behind her. One of the older boys, with an elegant baby blue scarf, stood at the back of the line, and you noticed his eyes on you even as he slowly entered the school with all his friends. He must have been a seventh-year, from the looks of it, and apparently, you were not the only one to have noticed the staring as well, for you could hear a couple of students snicker behind you. 

"Got his eyes on you, Professor (l/n)! Professor Snape's got competition!" George Weasley managed to exclaim before he was met with a whack on the head with the book Severus was holding. 

The Durmstrang ship arrived in a slightly less sophisticated manner. Emerging through the surface of the cold waters, the rather huge mast appeared before your eyes a few minutes after the Beauxbatons students had entered the castle. As the plank was lowered and the inhabitants of the ship began filing out, you noticed that their appearance could not have been more strikingly contrasting from the Beauxbatons students. Dressed in cloaks of shaggy, matted fur, and spotting cold, hardened faces, the students themselves looked as glowering as the Headmaster that was making his way to Dumbledore then. You remembered Severus' mention of him, and how he rubbed him off the wrong way before, but there seemed to be nothing peculiar about Professor Karkaroff other than the fact that he did not make eye contact with anyone else as he moved straight to Dumbledore, then into the castle. There was a cry of surprise from a few of the students when one of the Durmstrang students emerged, and you recognised him to be the superstar player of the Quidditch World Cup, Viktor Krum. 

As you entered the Great Hall with the rest of the staff, you saw that the Beauxbatons students had considered sitting at the Ravenclaw table, and taking your chance, you immediately extended an invitation for them to sit, much to the amusement of Minerva behind you. One of the girls shot you a look as you passed by them later on your way to the high table, muttering something of _Elle est belle_ , and you felt a redness spread through your face. Seating yourself between Madame Maxime and Severus then, you had to stop yourself from immediately engaging her in conversation, or scaring her off, too. 

After Dumbledore had finished his welcome speech, however, was when she turned to you instead. Seeing the surprised look on your face, she looked away, almost bashful of what she wanted to say. "Nice to meet you...err, Professor. My apologies, my English is not _zat_ good."

"Ah, pas de souci! Je parle français!" Severus raised his eyebrows hearing you speak. You never told him you spoke French. So there he sat, for the rest of the dinner, his mind riddled with the thought of Karkaroff returning, a sobering reminder of his past, while you had the time of your life socialising with the Beauxbatons Headmistress. He should not have felt jealous, he knew, you deserved the freedom to talk to the other guests on the table too, but all he wanted then was to escape the looks the Durmstrang Headmaster was sending him across the table, and focus his attention on you. _What could he possibly want now?_

Ludo Bagman and Bartemius Crouch appeared shortly after the feast, and Bagman excitedly called out your name when he saw you. _Look at us, both retired players, but still doing so well in life! Aren't we the luckiest lot, (y/n)!_ You were not so sure about that, but smiled politely at him anyway. When the Durmstrang Headmaster turned to look at you, however, you could feel Severus' fingers intertwining with yours under the table, but he said nothing of it when you looked at him to see if there was anything wrong. 

As Dumbledore pulled out the Goblet of Fire to signify the start of the Tournament then, the cheers of excitement that spread through the crowd suddenly seemed to dissipate once he mentioned of the age limit again. The night ended with a rather mixed reaction from the crowd. For some, like Fred and George Weasley, the prize money had meant everything for them, so to hear of them not being allowed to enter the Tournament was definitely a nasty surprise. Walking out with the rest of the students that night, you bumped into Harry, who surprisingly, did not show any disappointment in his face.

"I would've thought that _you_ would want to enter, Harry. Seeing all that you've done," you prompted. 

"I think I've got myself into enough trouble for all my time here, thanks. I do want to join, because the Cup does seem so cool to hold," Harry turned away, a little embarrassed at his truthfulness. "But I don't think I'll stand a chance against...them."

Harry pointed to the burly Durmstrang students, and your eyes travelled over them. You were just about to reply, when their Headmaster pushed through the crowd, with the infamous Viktor Krum behind him. He was about to turn to scold one of his students, when suddenly, his eyes found yours, and then Harry's. His mouth agape, you were not sure who he was more shocked to see. You were a little taken aback, Harry, you could understand the staring. But you? What could you have done to warrant that expression on his face? 

"Yeah, that's Harry Potter, and that's Professor (l/n), our Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher," Moody said behind you, breaking the silence that had formed as Karkaroff continued staring in horror. But then all the colour drained from his face as he saw Moody, and a mix of fury and fear appeared in his face at the sight of the man. After a nasty exchange and a terse conversation that made Karkaroff seem even angrier than before, he swept off, but not before casting a final glance towards you, his eyes full of familiarity. 

You met up with Moody again that night for your regular teacher-student sessions. This time, however, you did not want to be silent throughout. 

"What was that?" You raised the question as you successfully blocked another spell from the professor. 

"What was what?" He yelled _Lacarnum Inflamare_ , and you blocked it off as quickly. 

"Karkaroff. Why was he staring at me like that? And when he saw you, why did he stare at _you_ like that?"

"Less talking, more fighting. Tarantallegra!" The man did not seem keen to elaborate. 

"Finite Incantartem! Moody, tell me!" 

He sighed, lowering his wand for a moment. "Karkaroff was a Death Eater. Used to be right under the noses of Voldemort with your dear boyfriend, Snape. Lucky for Snape, he switched sides at the perfect timing, escaped Azkaban, didn't he? Karkaroff wasn't as lucky. It was _me_ who captured that useless, betraying, immoral, lying son of a-"

"Okay! Okay, I get it. Thank you, for telling me," You cut him off, for the anger of only recalling the man's name was already causing him to grip his wand harder, and you were afraid he was going to cast a Curse on you right then. 

"He saw you, and saw your mother. Must've been why he was so horrified, he spilled the names of your parents to the Ministry, too. Otherwise, they wouldn't have gotten caught, they were that good. Lucky for me, but unlucky for them. For a moment, he must have thought that _Hadriana_ had come back to seek her revenge on him. I would have ran off as fast as I could too if I were him," Moody said bitterly, before raising his wand again, and this time, his spell had knocked you off quite a distance. "You're improving, at a much faster rate than I thought you would, and on a good day, fighting you sometimes felt like that one moment where I was fighting your own mother. Natural talent for the Dark Arts runs in your family, you know?"

Moody was stroking your ego, feeding a fire that had started in your curiosity for the Dark Arts. _For once, once in my life, I finally have someone approving and telling me how proud they are of me. And that is due to my talent in the Dark Arts._ You would never admit it, but you were curious to find out more of it yourself, beyond what Hogwarts had taught you and what you knew then. Maybe, like all things, life was not black and white, a lot of it lay in the grey area. And maybe, just maybe, practising the Dark Arts, under the right hands like yours, could be a very grey area too.

31st October 1994

"Professor (l/n)!" An unfamiliar voice called out to you, and you watched as Cedric Diggory jogged to catch up with you on your way to breakfast. He was clutching a slip of parchment with his name on it, and you smiled when you realised what it meant. 

"Congratulations, Cedric. I hope you get Hogwarts Champion."

He smiled sheepishly. "Actually, I wanted to ask you of something. C-could you...by any chance, help me prepare? You know, in case I do get chosen for Champion. I understand if there are rules or regulations that prohibit you from doing so, though."

"I would love to. Look for me anytime, I will be in my office if you need me. Good luck, Cedric," You pushed him to the front of the Goblet, and gulping, he strode as confidently as he could in front of the other students, and placed his strip of parchment in.

It was only later on in the afternoon, when you were relaxing in Severus' room, when the start of a very bad series of events started to happen. You were laying on the armchair, your feet propped up on his lap as the both of you read your books for the day. The fireplace crackled warmly as the only sound in the room filled with the flipping of pages and the crackling of the orange glow. You could feel Severus' hands running up and down your leg, something of habit. He had to always have one of his hands on you, if not for his fingers splaying out on your skin, it would be his head on your shoulder, or his hands on any part of your body, as a form of comfort, a form of reminding himself that you were real, and he had you. Sometimes you felt so bad when you thought about it, about how hard life had been handed to him, but you knew Severus would never admit his fears, his insecurities, ever to you. He loved keeping the bad parts of him to himself, you noticed, and although he had opened up significantly in the time you were together, you could still feel him hiding parts of him sometimes. But you never wanted to push him, to coerce him into telling you things he would rather not tell you until he was ready, because the last time you did, it did not end very well for the both of you. If you could, you would take all his sorrows away and have it all handed to you, the man had been through too much, and you always felt like you did not deserve him, with all your flaws and imperfections. He deserved someone better, someone who could heal him like you never could, and if the previous year had been an indication of anything, it only showed how you broke him even further. And you hated yourself so much every time that thought crossed your mind, which had happened a lot more frequently recently. 

"You've been spending a lot of time with Moody lately." Severus' observation interrupted you. 

"Yeah, he's been a lot nicer to me ever since I spent time learning new spells and charms from him. He's really good at duelling, too. He was an Auror, of course, so it would make sense."

"He doesn't believe me," Severus softly said, his long hair hiding the side of his face from you. Sitting up, you reached over to brush it back, before laying your head on his shoulder. "Doesn't believe I've changed. Abandoned my Death Eater ways. But he treats you like a friend now...must feel good, to have people instantly like you for who you are. I never got chances like that."

"Oh, Sev..." You furrowed your eyebrows, pouting. You hated hearing him talk about himself in such a self-deprecating manner, but asking him to stop saying it sometimes only made things worse. The only thing you could do, was pull him in, and kiss him comfortingly until things felt better. So you did, trying to pull him closer to kiss him, but suddenly the door to his quarters flew open, and upon seeing who was behind it, Severus hurriedly shoved you away from him. 

It was Karkaroff. Thankfully, he had not seen what was about to happen, and although you were never one to like flaunting your relationships to others, you still felt a little betrayed that Severus had instinctively pushed you off of him, almost as if he was _embarrassed_ about you. And to make things worse, the Durmstrang Headmaster studied you for a quick moment, before rushing in to the potions professor, and he was about to pull up the sleeve of his left arm when Severus shouted. 

"Not now, Karkaroff!" He shot a look towards you, but Karkaroff appeared to be in pain, seething before holding his arm and looking at you. 

"Does it matter? She's one too, right? She would know!"

You had never seen Severus look so offended. "No! No, she's not! Who do you think she is? You need to be more careful, barging in here like this!"

"I'm not...what?" You asked, puzzled at the exchange between them. Karkaroff was about to open his mouth, but suddenly it dawned on you, and at the same time you realised, was the same time Severus slammed his hand over Karkaroff's mouth. "Oh."

"(y/n), please leave us alone for a moment," Severus said as calmly as he could, but you were not understanding why he was pushing you away. 

"I know what you two were, Severus. Why are you-"

"I don't want to involve you in this, (y/n)! Go! If you want to make me feel better, go! Get out!" Severus shouted, and you flinched for a moment, before sending him a hurt look. He seemed to falter for a moment, but you were already stomping out, slamming the door behind you. _What has gotten into him?!_

As if your day could not get bad enough already, from Severus pushing you off of him like you were some dirty mistress and him yelling at you in front of Karkaroff, it was made worse at the dinner feast, when the Goblet of Fire was announcing the Champions from the various schools. You had chosen to sit far, far away from Severus at dinner, spiteful, but he had not seemed to care. He was still speaking seriously to Karkaroff, as if whatever conversation they were having was far more important than whatever else was happening in the hall. You had wanted to throw your bread roll once, at them, when the both of them broke their conversation for a while to stare at you, before Severus yanked Karkaroff to face him again. Even sitting next to Madame Maxime and listening to her speak about the beauty of magic spells in French had not been interesting enough for you not to want to know _what Severus was so insistent you did not hear about_. 

Finally, the plates cleared and Dumbledore stood again, announcing the start of the choosing of Champions from the Goblet. 

_Viktor Krum was Durmstrang's._

_Fleur Delacour Beauxbatons'._

_And finally, Hogwarts had Cedric Diggory._

A roar of applause sounded out for the three Champions, and you stood as the designated teacher to lead them to the back of the Hall to receive their first instructions. Walking past the curtains, you saw that the three of them looked weirdly nervous, and Fleur Delacour, who you noticed had been the one to call you beautiful the previous day, looked almost relieved that it was you who had come in to greet them. You were about to open your mouth to hand them the instructions for the task, along with Ludo Bagman who had scurried into the room right as you entered, when an interruption nearly made your heart jump.

A fourth Champion was announced, and it was Harry Potter.


	5. Half-Truths

31st October 1994

Everything went by in a blur, and your ears buzzed with a strange ringing as Harry entered the room after, endured the endless accusations and angry rants from the other Champions and their Headmasters, then another round of questioning from Dumbledore, before Bagman swept in to finally suggest that no matter what, the boy still had to compete. Then Moody came in, and between a heated discussion with him and Madame Maxime as well as Karkaroff, you realised that your name had popped up quite a few times. It was then that you realised what was happening. 

"Professor (l/n)," Dumbledore calmly said, though there was doubt behind his eyes. "Did you put Harry's name in the Goblet of Fire?" 

"What? No, I would never do that!" You were shocked that they even believed you would do such a thing. 

"But surely it would require a very skilled wizard or _witch_ to hoodwink the Goblet of Fire, and considering your past...A Confundus Charm would be incredibly easy for you to do, wouldn't it?" Karkaroff spoke, and you realised that he really had a very mean look on his face, one that you desired so dearly to yell at. 

"It wasn't me! Moody, Severus, you know! You guys know! I was with you last night, Moody, and I spent the whole day with you today, Severus! I can't-"

"Correction, you were with me until eleven last night, _Professor (l/n)._ " Moody cut in, and your eyes widened. "After that time, I was no longer with you. Would have been the perfect opportunity for you to conveniently drop the boy's name in before you went to bed. "

 _Was he saying what I think he was saying? Merlin, Moody is trying to frame me! He's taken the opportunity to teach me, only to throw me under the bus for a situation like this! He was only teaching me to prove that I was capable of doing these things!_ You opened your mouth to speak, absolutely horrified at the realisation, when Severus stepped in front of you, protectively shielding you from Karkaroff and Moody. 

"As a matter of fact, Professor (l/n) was with me last night, right after her meeting with Professor Moody. There was no time for her to have possibly dropped off the boy's name, because I was with her the whole night," he growled, but it only seemed to satisfy Moody even more. 

"And you believe this, Dumbledore? Professor Snape has been badmouthing and loathsome of the boy ever since he stepped foot in this school, and it is not just the students who are saying it to me, it's everyone in this school. It would not be a surprise to me if the two of them worked together, and-"

"That will be enough, Alastor. I trust that my professors would do no such thing, as they are, in fact, _very aware_ of the rules of the Triwizard Tournament, and would do nothing to jeopardise this." You silently thanked Dumbledore for his trust despite the glint in his eye when he looked at you, but continued glaring at Moody and Karkaroff. "As it stands, Harry Potter will still compete, for the magical contract still binds. However, Professor (l/n), I'm afraid in light of certain suspicions that arose, I would advise Ludo Bagman to be the one to hand out the instructions for the tasks. Would you follow me to my office after this, please?"

You felt like you were a student again, being sent to the Headmaster for committing the most heinous crime possible. Sulking as you followed Dumbledore out of the room, you felt Severus' hands try to hold yours to look at him, but remembering that you were still angry at him, you roughly pulled it away, sending him a stare you hoped to convey the disappointment you were feeling then. Dumbledore led you to the Headmaster's Tower, and upon muttering the password to the gargoyle outside of his office, beckoned you in. You entered, standing right in front of his desk. You did not intend to stay very long. He, however, settled quite comfortably on the plush chair behind his desk. 

"(y/n)," he chided, and you reluctantly moved closer to him, still not intending to sit. Giving up, he sighed, and reclined in his seat.

"I didn't put his name in the Goblet, I swear. I know all the evidence is against me, and Severus' word is as good as Moody's, and the fact that you have warned me several times to stay away from the boy as well as you calling me in here more often than ever to _check in on me_ does not give me a very strong case to put up, but I swear, Dumbledore, that-"

"I believe you."

"-That I would never dream of endangering the boy's life like that, I treat him like a son, and, and...what did you just say?"

Dumbledore allowed himself a small grin. "I said, I believe you, (y/n)." 

You could not believe your ears. "R-really? You do?"

He said nothing at first, as if to contemplate something, before he stood up and walked over to a large wooden cabinet. He stood there for quite a while, before pulling out some sort of metal basin. It looked dark, and with the runes and symbols surrounding it, you felt yourself grow a little apprehensive on what Dumbledore was presenting to you. But as he moved closer, you realised that it was just a _Pensieve_. 

Placing the object down in front of you, the Headmaster mumbled something you could not make out, before inviting you to look into the object. You were not quite sure what he was trying to tell you, but another wave of his hand prompted you to really look into the object. 

You dared yourself to enter Dumbledore's memories. And suddenly, you were dragged straight down a very long tunnel, falling further than you have ever fallen in your life. And when you hit the ground hard, you suddenly felt a well of emotions overwhelm your mind right then. You were in your childhood home, in the mansion that you spent most of the years of your life in. The paintings on the walls, the expensive vases and statues that your mother always warned you not to touch, the plush carpeted floor under your feet, they all came back to you. And suddenly you were sitting on the huge dining table that was in the middle of the overlarge dining hall, and like many things in the house, you remembered it to be way smaller than it actually was. A brush on your arms indicated Dumbledore's presence beside you, but he had only moved his right arm to stroke his beard then, and looking across the table, you felt your chest constrict at the sight of your parents. Your father, dressed in the most expensive black robes that Twilfitt and Tattings had to offer, had his jaw clenched as he listened to Dumbledore speak. 

"As I was saying, Horatius, it would be best for you not to pull the girl out of school. She is still young, still has much to learn. It would be unfair to her to take away her education now, at all times." 

Your father seemed more furious at Dumbledore's words. "The girl is thirteen, Dumbledore. She is old enough to be able to catch up easily should Hadriana and I send her to a different institution later on, when things have settled down. She's smart, she can do it. And I _do not_ want my daughter to continue schooling in an institution like yours, crawling with filthy _Mudbloods_ and half-bloods. She would do well in a school like Beauxbatons, or anywhere else other than _Hogwarts_."

"And why is it that you are so insistent on leaving? At a time like now, especially?" Dumbledore had caught on, you knew. Just upstairs, a loud crash could be heard, and your mother left the table, no doubt to check that you had not been causing trouble again. Dumbledore's eyes shot up towards your room, and a look of sympathy overcame them. "If you give her up now, Horatius, let her stay at Hogwarts, I promise I will take care of her. Regardless of what happens to you and Hadriana."

"Nothing is going to happen to me and Hadriana!" Your father stood abruptly, reaching into his robes for his wand. Dumbledore, on the other hand, still sat calmly. He knew he had the upper hand. "What...what are you trying to imply, Dumbledore? That my wife and I are _Death Eaters?_ I should report you to the Ministry, I should! Accusing us, Aurors, as Death-Eaters, watch where your mouth gets you, Dumbledore!"

"I was only stating, Horatius, that lately, your words don't seem to match your actions. Calling fellow wizards, wizards you swore to protect, _Mudbloods_ , that is rather unbecoming of an Auror, don't you think?"

"We all have our preferences, Dumbledore. And I would _prefer_ that you leave my daughter and my family alone. You are questioning the way we are raising her, and that is awfully rude of you."

"You sent her a Howler, on her first day. Just because the Sorting Hat put her in Ravenclaw," Dumbledore caught something behind your father, before darting his eyes away. You, however, followed his line of vision, and through a small gap at the bottom of what seemed to be an Invisibility Cloak, you gasped as you saw the unmistakable robes of Moody, slowly climbing the stairs to your room. _Dumbledore set them up, Dumbledore was a distraction!_

You wanted to scream, to yell at your father, because no matter how much you hated him, no matter how much you despised him for all that he had done, you still felt _horrible_ for letting Moody catch him and your mother. They were your parents, after all. And for some unknown reason, you suddenly felt sympathetic for them. You wanted to save them. But nothing came out, it felt like you were screaming underwater, your words useless and swallowed by the current. 

Your father seemed rattled at the recollection of that fact. "Y-yes...we did, however, she has proven herself quite useful in that House, hasn't she? Made herself a Prefect, too."

You knew he was feigning innocence, feigning that he had not been disappointed at all, that he had grown proud eventually of you, but he never did. He had made your life a living hell every single time you returned for the holidays with the robes of another colour other than the Slytherin green. 

But the final creak up the stairs had done it. Dumbledore knew his job was done. Sighing, an apologetic look overcame his features, before he stood this time, facing your father. _How dare you face him! How dare you reach out to shake his hand, when you have been planning to turn him in all along!_

"I'm sorry, Horatius. I really am. You were a good man, and a good friend." Hordes of Aurors seemed to appear behind him then, and you heard the roar of anguish your father let out, before he took out his wand and a blinding, white light burst through the room. And in the next second, a loud crack could be heard, meaning he had apparated in the nick of time. Another loud crack sounded upstairs, and you knew it was your mother that had gone, too. You were screaming then, the white light was not only hurting your eyes, but the thought of all the Aurors Dumbledore had sneaked in, the thought of Dumbledore _tricking_ your father to catch him, the thought of Dumbledore and Moody working together to capture your parents, was fuelling an anger within you you could not place. _Why was I feeling this way? I hated them, didn't I? I hated them so much, and everyone keeps telling me they had done bad, horrible things to others, but why am I feeling this way for them? What is this sick, twisted feeling in my gut that tells me I feel betrayed, that Dumbledore would do such a thing? Why had Dumbledore used me to get to them? That is such a filthy, cheating move that I-_

"(y/n), let's go back to my office, shall we?" The Dumbledore beside you reached out his hand, and instantly, you were transported back to the circular room, your heart drumming hard against your chest. 

_Dumbledore lied to me. Dumbledore betrayed my parents' trust. My parents never let anyone in that house unless they were to be trusted, and Dumbledore had been let in, which allowed Moody and the rest of them to enter, too. He used me, used me to trick my parents._ Suddenly, the man standing in front of you looked no longer like the man you had the utmost respect, the most profound admiration for. No, he appeared as a dirty, lying wizard who used methods that were clearly unfair and unethical to get to his means. He was no different, if not worse, than your parents. At least _they_ had the decency to admit what they were, and what they stood for. And as far as you knew, they valued respect and decency, and never resorted to ways like Dumbledore had. 

"I understand what you just saw may have been a little disturbing. I did tell Moody to obliviate your memories of that night, to one where your parents simply left you. Must be where you got all your resentment from, seeing them leave you without saying goodbye. I apologise, Moody should have been more kind with what he chose to put in your memory. But now that you are older, wiser, I figured you deserve to know the truth, of the night your parents left. I was simply checking in on you so much, because I wanted to see when you would be ready to find out the truth."

But your ears were not registering anything he was saying. Instead, a dark cloud had formed in your mind, fuelled by the energy of fury and consuming your entire being. Gritting your teeth, you glared at him. "You lied to me, and obliviated me? After all these years, you made me believe that my parents _did not want me_. That they left and did not bring me with them."

Dumbledore had expected this reaction. "It was a half-truth, (y/n). They were planning on bringing you overseas, to go into hiding with them. That would have only put you more at risk, because those who defected overseas would be hunted down by Dementors, not Aurors. And you know the Dementors would not have spared you once they got to your parents. I was keeping you safe, you know."

"You lied to me! You gave my parents up! You, you..." You could not find the right words to say, your mind all to consumed by the rage. And then, the rage turned into despair, and betrayal. "...You made me believe that they hated me."

"They were deeply disappointed in you, because of their beliefs. But what parent could hate their child? They loved you, just not enough to see that what they were doing was endangering you. They wanted a world full of pure-bloods, of Slytherins, something you couldn't give them. But they were still doing it, for you, perhaps. They wanted a world where their daughter could surround herself with only Slytherins, and the best of the best. Still, in doing so, they were going about it the wrong way, killed dozens of innocent lives, sent many to madness with their torturing, and injured so many that St. Mungo's could fill a whole wing of wizards and witches who had been injured by your parents. In trying to provide the best for you, they did it at the expense of everybody else. I'm not sure if that is the immensity of their love, or if it has crept to something else entirely." 

But you said nothing more, afraid of what was going to tumble out of your mouth if you let it out. So swiftly turning, you stormed out of the room, hearing Dumbledore call after you, but you did not care, slamming the door as hard as you could anyway. The tears were starting to creep up on you, and you hated yourself for wanting to cry at this. It was so stupid, but you felt so betrayed, so hurt, that Dumbledore had kept this from you for so long, that he had you fooled, believing in his lies, believing that he had somehow _saved_ you from your parents. What a big disappointment it turned out to be, really. 

It was true, the saying, that nothing could hurt more than the truth.


	6. The Emerald Token

31st October 1994

Severus felt guilty. He knew he was not supposed to feel that way, that it was the right thing he did, not involving you in him and Karkaroff's conversation about The Dark Lord, but he still felt guilty. _I don't want her involved in this, in any of this. If he really is rising again, and I have to take up the position I did the last time, it would be best if The Dark Lord did not know of her, and vice versa._ But still, it ate at him, for he was so used to already telling you everything that happens to him, everything about his day, that to not have you by his side through this rather big event in his life ate him up inside. He had to hold himself back from spilling everything to you at the dinner feast, doing so by making sure that he sat next to Karkaroff too, to ensure the man did not slip things to you. 

So to make you, or himself too, feel better, he stopped by the kitchens on his way to your room later that night to nick a bit of the cake he noticed you were enjoying during the feast. Severus could tell the house-elves, although happy to receive him, were absolutely terrified of him as well, and he huffed as he made his way up to your room. 

He knocked once, twice, before wanting to let himself in. However, when he whispered the unlocking charm, it turned out that it did not work. _Did he mutter it wrongly or had you changed your locks?_ Trying once more, he knew the answer when it did not work for the second time. 

"(y/n)? Are you in there?" He leaned against the doorframe, and head the crackle of the fire in your room. 

There was a sniffle that sent Severus' heart straight to the depths of guilt. "Go away, Severus."

"I'm sorry, for earlier. I was a bit shocked, is all. Now I've brought cake, and if you want I can go get some firewhisky for us too. So could you open the door and _forgive_ me, please?" He wondered if what he did was so serious that you were seriously shutting him out. You never got so angry over something as trivial as him not telling you something before. 

"I said _go away_ , Severus!"

"What did I do? It's nothing, that thing with Karkaroff, dear. You have nothing to worry about, I promise. Why are you acting like this?" A growing annoyance was starting to bug the potions professor. 

Just then, the door clicked open, and Severus felt the same guilt that he felt at the start of the night, only now, it was made worse with the tear-stricken look on your face. "Have you come to tell me what you and Karkaroff were talking about, or do I have to just accept that I'm being kept from secrets I deserve to know all my life?"

"What...Why are you lashing out at me?" The man clenched his fists. 

"Tell me, Severus, what you and Karkaroff were discussing."

"I...can't." 

"Then don't bother. I don't want to see you tonight," you retorted, angrily moving to shut the door in his face, but his foot had prohibited you from doing so. He held it open, and giving up when you knew you could not match his strength, you sighed loudly and threw yourself back on your armchair, sulking. 

"What has gotten into you?! Why are you so interested in what Karkaroff and I were talking about earlier? You've always respected my privacy, as I have yours! And what we were discussing, it's for your own good that you do not know. Why-"

"See, you're just like him! You keep stuff from me, to _protect_ me, like I'm some...some _child_ , that needs your protection! I'm not one, so either tell me, or get out of my sight, Severus!" Severus winced a little as you raised your voice at him. 

"Just like who...?"

"It doesn't matter who! All I know is that everyone in this school has been treating me like I'm some fragile charity project ever since I had a miscarriage, looking at me with the same _pitiful_ , disgusting looks in their eyes. _Oh poor thing she is, poor girl_ , I can hear them say. It's almost as if you people think I can't do anything for myself after what's happened! And to keep secrets from me as if knowing about it would only cause more harm, what am I, twelve? Do I look like a weak, emotionally unstable girl that can't handle the secrets that I was supposed to know all my life, to you Severus? Do I?" You were shouting then, not caring if anybody else in the dungeons could hear you, which you were sure they could. 

Severus had no clue what you were playing at, and he stood there for a while, processing what you just said. But your patience ran thin, and moving to roughly hold his arms in yours, you pushed him out, out into the hallway. He fought back, trying to reason with you, but you were done. You were done with everyone and everything in the castle, and how much it seemed that _nobody trusted you, not even Severus._

"I really thought that you trusted me, Sev," you said.

"But I do! Just...not for this, alright? Anything else but this. And I don't think you're some fragile charity project, you're _my love_." Severus wondered if you were projecting your other frustrations at him, or if you really were just mad at him in general. 

"Oh, stop with your excuses and-"

"Why can't you just accept the fact that I love you, and want the best for you for once?!" His frustrated exclamation took you by surprise. "Dumbledore, Minerva, Flitwick, Sprout, we all care about you! Can't you see that?" 

But a dark look overcame your features at the mention of the Headmaster. It was done, the argument. "Doesn't seem quite so."

And Severus did not bother this time, for when you closed the door in his face, he marched off too, his face red and his veins fuelled with anger. He needed to cool off, get his head right, before he would start uttering words he did not mean to you. And maybe then, he would go to you again, to find out _why the hell_ you were behaving in a manner that was so unlike the clearheaded, calm and logical person he knew and loved. 

1st November 1994

The next day, Severus decided to try again. But when he tried to open your door and enter this time, he found out that you were no longer in the room. It was seven in the morning, you usually got up much later on the weekends. However, Severus let it go, resigning to speak to you at breakfast. That is, if you allowed him to sit beside you, even.

But you were not at breakfast either. He scratched his head slightly when he scanned through the high tables for a seat, and he found one beside Hagrid, but you were nowhere to be seen. On his side was Dumbledore, and when he too asked the Headmaster where you went, he seemed reluctant to answer.

"Give her some time alone, Severus. She needs it," Dumbledore said after a while, and Severus' concern only grew.

"What happened to her?"

"We...discussed some less than pleasant things last night. She got a little...displeased."

Severus nearly dropped his goblet. "D-did you tell her about me...Dumbledore? About-"

But a kick to his side indicated that the Headmaster did no such thing, and that under the company of everyone else, he should not have mentioned it. It seemed like Dumbledore had finished discussing the subject too, because after that, he refused to answer the rest of Severus' questions on your whereabouts. 

In reality, you were with Cedric Diggory. Having not a wink of sleep the previous night, you were restless and gave up trying to close your eyes anyway. So at the crack of dawn, you waited outside the Hufflepuff common rooms for his usual Prefect rounds to get to him. He was a little surprised, to say the least, when he saw you. 

"Professor! It's..." He checked his watch, but apparently he had forgotten it in the dormitory.

"Five forty, yes, I'm aware. But I am going to be very busy for the next week, Cedric, and I am afraid I won't have time to revise your spells with you if we don't do it now. So are you in or out? The first task is in less than a month." You began walking away anyway, not caring if he replied. 

"I'm coming!" He grinned excitedly as he ran to catch up with you. 

_Aguamenti, Incendio, Flipendo, Stupefy._ Cedric seemed to be okay at his spells, and frankly, you were not worried for him. He would do well, it was Harry that you were concerned about, but of course, in light of recent events, you could not even talk to him. Everyone had already began thinking that it was your close relationship with him that allowed him to enter the Tournament, and that you were secretly accepting gold from him to sneak his name to the Goblet of Fire, you did not need to make things worse by volunteering to help him prepare. So you busied yourself with Cedric, and casting another spell of _Expelliarmus_ , you successfully got his weak spot and knocked him backwards.

Helping the tired boy to sit up, he looked like he had just been blessed by Merlin when you offered him a break and a drink. Sitting beside him then, you studied him. 

"Thank you...for doing this," Cedric said between gulps of water. 

"We missed breakfast," you pointed out, but he did not seem to mind.

"Potter's taken all my spotlight anyway. It won't matter if I'm gone for a while." There was no malice in his words, as if he was simply stating an observation. You realised that in his position, you would have gotten mad at Harry too, but the boy seemed to carry no ill-intention. He was a good kid, you knew. A strong Quidditch player, a hardworking student, and a good Prefect. Hufflepuff was lucky to have someone like him representing them for the Tournament. 

"Will you be cheering for him or me, Professor?" He poked playfully.

"You are both Hogwarts' Champions. I don't pick sides." You rolled your eyes at him, before pushing his shoulder slightly so that he would fall backwards.

"Are you sure? I would like to believe that you-" A loud clearing of throat behind the both of you made him stop. Cedric sucked in a breath when he saw who it was, but you simply narrowed your eyes. _What does he want now?_

"Cedric, go get some breakfast, will you? I'll catch up with you later," you suggested, and the boy hurriedly stood and began walking back to the castle, not looking forward to a conversation with _Lucius Malfoy_ of all people. 

Speaking of, the blond-haired man stood beside you then, grinning. His hair swayed in the cold wind, and the blond colour of it reminded you of the hair on the tails of the Beauxbatons horses. You remained where you were, however, not wanting him to think that he had affected you in any way. 

"I thought I might find you here. I was making my rounds around the castle, and I just so happened to find you and that Hufflepuff boy. Are you making moves on younger men now, (y/n)?" His words made you grit your teeth. 

“You're no longer in charge of this school, Lucius. You shouldn't be here."

"And yet...look what money and power can get you. I came specifically _for you_ , dear. I wanted to pass you this." He pulled out something gold and shiny from the inside of his robes. It looked like a mirror, with how shiny it was, but then you saw the image engraved into it, and you recoiled, horrified that he would even think of giving it to you. 

It was a token, with the Dark Mark engraved onto it in an emerald green colour. The corners of it were pure gold, and it looked quite heavy as Lucius brought it out to the sunlight. He extended it to you, but you made no move to accept it. 

He chuckled. "Are you afraid, (y/n)? Are you afraid this is going to burn a Dark Mark on your arm? Don't be ridiculous. The Dark Lord _chooses_ who he wants as Death Eaters. I don't have the power to make you one."

"I'm not...afraid. Why are you showing me this?"

"A gift. From your father to you. He wanted to show you he was alive and well. This was what made him want to join the ranks of a Death Eater, and he hoped that you would see too. See, what it is like to know the truth. When the time comes, of course." 

You shot him a look. "My father would never offer me a gift, much less try to convince me to join him as a Death Eater. Thank you, Lucius, but I must go." You stood, having had enough of what he was trying to say. _How dare he!_

"The Dark Lord is rising again, I know you know. And he is going to grow more powerful this time, stronger than ever. He wants to recruit more pure-bloods, more followers. It's better for you to switch sides now, before he comes to you forcefully, (y/n). I have a feeling he would disregard that you were a Ravenclaw, too. Some of his most loyal Death Eaters were not Slytherins. You must remember Peter Pettigrew?"

The name brought a foul taste to your mouth. Of course you remembered, your fists involuntarily clenching when you thought about what happened that made you got to know of that wretched name. Lucius knew he had struck a nerve. 

"All I'm saying," He brought the token to your face again, before reaching into the insides of your robes and placing it in your pocket, patting the place where it was kept. "Is that you should know, you should see, both our sides before making a decision. Your father was an avid supporter of Dumbledore too, before he _saw_. I would think you are as intelligent as him, and you would know which side to pick when it is time. Think about it, alright? Think about why The Dark Lord sees things the way he does, how your _father_ sees things the way he does."

You hated him. You hated him and his guts and arrogance. You hated Lucius Malfoy for whatever he has done, and whatever he continues to do. Manipulating the Ministry, pouring money to causes that should never be supported, getting away with things that he should clearly have gotten in trouble for, all those things made you despise him. It was not fair that a man like him had escaped so much of what was coming for him, and still manages to come this far. But right then, you swallowed your pride, your hate, when you heard the mention of your parents again. You really wanted to know, especially after what you saw the previous night. 

"Where are they? My parents?" You stopped him as he was walking away, his cane hitting every single item in his way.

He turned, giving you a knowing smile. "Oh, wouldn't you like to know. They're in hiding, waiting for the perfect moment. You should remember this, and warn _precious_ Dumbledore that he will be the first one they will look for when their Dark Lord is back. He should take care of himself, really, and put in more effort in getting more people on his side. A little birdy told me you, one of the witches that had attracted his attention the most, are _very_ interested in the Dark Arts. He must be losing the race of recruiting you, then."

"How did you..." But he was gone, leaving you with the Dark Mark token weighing in your robes. It felt like a brick, even though it was only the size of your palm, and you instinctively reached into it to get a better look.


	7. Unresolved

1st November 1994

Severus caught you walking back to your office later in the day, but you simply shrugged past him with an _I'm busy_ and continued walking. He was growing impatient, he never liked to drag arguments longer than they were supposed to last, while you loved avoiding difficult conversations altogether. Sometimes it was a deadly combination, the opposing attitudes the both of you had. 

"Are you avoiding me?" Severus said aloud as you unlocked your office door. 

"No. Just busy, Severus. I promise I'll go to your room tonight to talk things out if it matters that much to you that we do." Your tone was derogatory to Severus, almost as if you were invalidating his feelings on wanting to solve the argument. He wanted to reply with an equally scalding retort, but when he saw that you were busy with something in your hands, he ignored you altogether, walking back to where he came from. _Fine! If she doesn't think it's important that I want to talk about it, then we won't talk about anything altogether!_

You never did come into his room that night. You had forgotten, actually. The token had been what consumed all of your attention the whole day, you were too busy flipping it over and fiddling with it, trying to see what Lucius meant by what you could see in it, that you had totally forgotten to go to Severus' room to talk to him. On the other hand, Severus would never admit it, but he was crushed. Secretly, he hoped that you would come to your senses to apologise to him, and even if you did not, just being able to talk it out with you and trying to understand why you did what you did was enough for him. But _of course_ you did not show. You had forgotten about him. He had prepared tea and pulled out his softest blanket for the both of you, in case you did make up, but right then, he felt so stupid for even bothering. So he kept them, along with the rest of his troubles, back into where they belonged.

2nd November 1994

The token was still clutched tightly in your hands, even as you walked past the classes in the dungeons on your way back to your room that day. You had forgotten to grab the extra notebook you wanted to pass to one of the students for a class later on, and was on your way to your room when a sharp bellow to your right caught your attention. Hurriedly stuffing the token in your robes, you made your way to the noise, leading you to Severus' Potions classroom. The Gryffindor and Slytherin fourth-years were there, and apparently, Severus had arrived at the same time you did, witnessing just as Harry Potter and Draco Malfoy cast spells at each other, but due to the nature of the attack, and with how close they were to each other, the jets of light that came from the end of their wands ricocheted and hit their friends instead. 

"And what is this noise all about?" Severus' voice softly said beside you, and the students turned, terrified at the sight of the both of you catching them in the act. 

Harry ran to your side, while Draco ran to Severus', and at the same time, both exclaimed that the other had attacked them. Still unconvinced that Harry had not been the one to initiate the attack, Severus grabbed one of the Slytherins, Goyle, and studied him as the boy shamefully looked away, his face resembling a poisonous fungi. Then Harry grabbed Hermione, and you felt a kick of sympathy as you saw her teeth. You decided to let Severus handle it, since it was his class, after all. So stepping back from where you were, you were about to turn away to go back to your path when Harry grabbed a fistful of your robe at something Severus said. 

"I see no difference," he quipped at the sight of Hermione. You knew instantly that you needed to step in, that he had gone too far. But before you could, Ron and Harry had gone at it before you did, shouting at him so many names that you could not even dream of saying to anyone and once or twice, you had to physically pull Harry back to your side, his body threatening to attack Severus next. 

Immediately reaching for Severus' hand as he opened his mouth to deduct points and to give both of them detention, you swept him away before he could do anything else. Turning to the rest of the class, you spoke first, "Harry, Ron, bring Hermione to the hospital wing. Tell her Professor (l/n) apologises for what Professor Snape said, will you? And ask her to come see me in my office after class today. The rest of you, head inside, please. Professor Snape will be with you soon."

Severus tried to protest, but the glare you gave him made him act otherwise, allowing you to lead him to another hallway near the classroom, but far away enough that the both of you could not be heard. There was another round of insults thrown at him from Ron's side, and you had to drag Severus away before he deducted a hundred more points from Gryffindor. 

"That was uncalled for, Severus. It was rude, mean, and humiliating to the girl. Imagine how she would feel, her insecurities being made worse by your remark! Find the time to apologise to her later on," You said sharply to him once the both of you were in the clear. 

He sulked. "I don't care."

"Severus!"

"It was Potter's fault. Had he not attacked Malfoy-" You held your hand up, cutting him off. 

"Did you not see what I saw? The both of them attacked each other at the same time, and you act as if it's only Potter's fault!"

But Severus seemed as if he did not wish to speak to you any longer. "Whatever. Move out of the way, I have a class to teach."

"Severus, you're not leaving until we sort this out! You can't insult students like that and expect them not to defend themselves! That is unfair!"

"Oh, so now you want to talk things out? Over a matter of a remark on a student? Where were you, when _I_ wanted to talk things out about _our relationship?_ Which, by the way, is more important to me than a single offhanded remark I gave to Hermione Granger, but it does not seem so to you!" He snarled, trying to move past you, but you blocked his way. 

"Is that what this is about? The argument we had the other day? Because if you're taking out your feelings about me on your students, Sev, that is not only unprofessional-"

"Yes! It is about our relationship, and our argument, and the fact that you _ignored_ me yesterday, and that you forgot your promise to come to my room!" He bit back, equally as hot-headed as you were right then. 

You scoffed. "And you're angry about that? Just because I forgot to visit you in your room last night? Oh, grow up, will you, Severus? Just because I forgot _one time_ doesn't mean that I'm a horrible person to you! And I did want to go, really I did, but now with how you're acting, you're making me glad that I didn't go at all! What is with you and always having to finish our arguments? Can't we just move on and forget whatever it was? You're making this out to be bigger than it needs to be!"

You had hit a particularly sore subject then, because Severus did not reply, only sending you a pointed look, before pushing past you to make his way back to class. Despite you calling out for him then and you trying to catch up to him, he only seemed to walk faster, in the end disappearing into the class before you could make it to him. 

_Grow up, she told me to grow up. How delusional could she be!_ Severus seethed as he took out his cauldron for the day, and began writing furiously on the board. The class could sense that he had seemed angrier than when you dragged him away, and a few of them wished that you had never bothered at all, because Severus had grown so vicious in class that by the time his lesson was over, not one student was spared from his wrath of deducting House points due to the most minor of errors and mistakes. Yes, even from his own House.

It was only later in the night when Hermione knocked on your office door, shyly asking if she could come in. When you opened it wordlessly, however, Harry and Ron stepped in too. They hung around at the back while Hermione sat in front of you. Harry inspected the Quidditch medals and trophies on your shelves, while Ron busied himself with the books. There seemed to be some sort of tension between them, and you wondered if the two had been in a row. 

"Aren't you two supposed to be in detention with Professor Snape?" You wrung out your wrists, the burden of marking made them ache. 

Harry and Ron looked at each other, before grumpily moving to you, muttering, "We hoped that you would come with us, to supervise detention. That way Professor Snape won't be as nasty...with you around." 

You were not so sure if it were true, seeing as you had been the one to piss Severus off earlier too. But you did feel bad for what you said to him, and he had always been the one to apologise first after fights. So perhaps, it was your turn, seeing as it was partly your fault for lashing out at him as well. Sighing, you said, "Alright. Wait outside of my office please, I will be with you soon. For now, I wish to speak to Hermione in privacy."

After a round of apologising to Hermione and assuring her that she was pretty and intelligent and did not need to take Severus' insults to heart, the girl felt significantly better. Although she was still a little upset that Severus had touched on her biggest insecurity, you saw the corners of her lips lift into a smile when you offered to lend her another book of yours that she had been eyeing every time she stepped into your office. So, clutching a copy of an antique History of Magic book out the door, Hermione met with the boys again while you followed her out. You wanted to ask her if they had been in a fight, for the both of them were standing so far apart from each other it looked like even being with the other party was scalding to them, but decided otherwise.

"Come, you two," you beckoned, making your way to the Potions classroom. When you entered, the boys hid reluctantly behind your figure at the sight of Severus cursing at something over his cauldron, and a clearing of your throat took him by surprise. HIs eyes narrowed, before spotting the Gryffindor boys behind you, and you instinctively moved forward to tell him you had something to discuss with him while the boys served detention. 

"What do you want?" He said to you, after ordering the boys to scrub the bottoms of the spare cauldrons clean and pickling the remainder of the rats brains. 

"I want to apologise, Severus. For what I said earlier. And last night. I was angry at something else and I took it out on you and it was selfish of me to do so." You tried to sound as genuine as you could, swallowing your pride. 

For a while, Severus kept measuring the ingredients needed for his next concoction, and you wondered if he had even heard you at all. But after stopping for a moment to glare at Ron accidentally dropping a cauldron with the ferocity of his scrubbing, he turned to you. "Okay."

 _That was it? I literally had to swallow my pride and ego for that, and all I get is an okay?_ "That's it?"

"I'm not sure I have anything else to say to you." Oh, he was still angry. 

"Come on, Severus, shouldn't you apologise too? So that we're equal? I mean, it is partly your fault as well, for not telling me about...you know." 

Severus cast a sharp look to see if the boys had been listening to your conversation, which they had, when they immediately turned away at the look. Severus lowered his voice, "I don't think I have to apologise for that."

Now it was your turn to get mad. "Are you serious right now? You literally showed me how little trust in me you had, to not _tell me_ about what you and Karkaroff were discussing, which I am going to presume was about your Death Eater past! And I'm not even asking for what you talked about anymore, Severus! I'm just asking you to apologise too!" 

"Fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry that you feel that what I did _for your own good_ is unjustified. Happy now?" He spat. You could feel yourself losing control, with how much you wanted to scream at him, tear his hair out, strangle him until he apologised properly for his actions. But you could not, not with Ron and Harry around. So you did the only thing that your anger allowed you to do before you would burst into tears again with what he said. Sometimes, you hated yourself for not being able to control yourself with extreme emotions without feeling the need to cry, it really was a hindrance to show how mad you were at him. Now, he was going to think you were weak, and if Harry and Ron saw you crying as well, what would they think? That their professor cries at the first sign of unhappiness? When she doesn't get her way with her boyfriend? How pathetic! 

"I don't know why I even bothered. You know what? I don't even care anymore, do whatever you want, then Severus, since my feelings clearly mean _nothing_ to you," you hissed, before turning on your heel and leaving the classroom. Ron's groan could be heard once you left, an indication of what loomed over them now that they did not have you to supervise detention.


	8. What Happens With The Truth?

21st November 1994

"Are you _ever_ going to talk to him?" Minerva raised, her voice cautious. She needed to tread lightly. 

"No. I've done my part, I've apologised, I've said what I needed to say. The Quaffle's in his court now, if he doesn't want to do anything about it, it's _his_ problem," you snapped, a little uncomfortable that the Gryffindor Head of House had brought up the issue when the both of you were supposed to spend an afternoon together accompanying the students at Hogsmeade. Throwing your copy of the _Daily Prophet_ aside on the table, you downed the rest of your Butterbeer unhappily. Minerva only raised her eyebrows in reply, before holding onto her drink as well. It was clear that she did not plan to press on any further on the topic.

"Do you believe that stuff? Everything that's been written about the Triwizard Champions?" Minerva asked, eyeing the paper you had just discarded. She was trying to change the subject. 

"Of course not. The _Daily Prophet's_ always been full of crap. Learned that the hard way, when those sports reporters didn't like my team a whole lot because we refused to lose a few matches for them so that they could win a bit of gold from betting."

"And you still read it?" The woman teased, and you hurriedly shoved it out of sight, glowering at her. 

"It's the only newspaper we've got...and I keep up sometimes...on my old teammates at the Falcons. Aren't doing too well in the league, though." You turned away from her at the sight of Moody and Hagrid entering The Three Broomsticks. They stopped for a while to talk to Hermione, who had been sitting alone, before making their way over to you and Minerva. Moody was still shooting you cautious looks, and you had to fight off the urge to roll your eyes every single time he did. The three of them discussed the upcoming task, which was only two days away, before Hagrid accidentally let it slip that it involved dragons, which caused you and Minerva to exchange worried looks.

"Harry." The both of you said at the same time, knowing the boy had not yet learnt about fighting it off properly, much less defeating one. But Moody appeared unfazed, and he even encouraged that _you_ , of all people, should nudge him in the direction of it. You gave him a weird stare, but he turned away as quickly as he said it. 

"I don't dislike you, you know. Not now, that I finally find you quite interesting." Moody returned to the castle with you later on, after you had successfully deflected the job of nudging Harry to Hagrid. He struggled a little to catch up with your quick footsteps, and you had to remind yourself constantly to slow down for him to be able to hear what he was saying. 

"Interesting?"

"Yes. You're cleared of my suspicions, if that's what you wanted to know. I would like to resume our nightly training sessions, assuming you still tolerate me as well. Dumbledore would like to know your growth," he said, taking another swig from his hip-flask. You snatched it away, glaring incredulously at him then. 

"Dumbledore doesn't need to know anything more about me," you said bitterly. If Moody had picked up on a little of your annoyance, he did not say it, for he only gave you the next date and time the both of you were supposed to meet, assuming you would want to continue your sessions. You wanted to, of course you did. Truth be told, those sessions with the man had been your only source of joy for the past few weeks, and when you stopped for a while due to his accusation, you felt like the free time you had was wasted when you spent it on anything else but practising magic. There was a thrill, a rush of excitement every time Moody taught you another spell from the Dark Arts, and you were fascinated to learn more each time you successfully casted it. He, too, looked quite proud himself whenever you could do it, muttering something again about you being the _Death Eater_ that never was. You often ignored him on this. 

24th November 1994

It was the morning of the first task, and after another night of sleeping in your own bedroom and being woken up consistently by the nightmares, you decided to go to an old place for comfort. It was nearly four, and you had nowhere else to be as your feet dragged you to the top of the Slytherin tower, wanting to watch the sunrise. It had been so long since you did, that you forgot why you even stopped. 

Shuffling through the tiles on the roof, you were careful not to lose your balance without anyone to catch you. In your hands was the token Lucius gave you, and you intended on spending the remaining hours until it was time for breakfast to try to figure it out again. So far, it only proved to be a sort of decorative item, something you carried around in your robes all the time, and you wondered if Lucius had just been playing an elaborate prank to get you to busy yourself with an object that had no purpose whatsoever. Inspecting it again for a moment, you suddenly saw something out of the corner of your eye that made you keep it again.

It was Severus. He was sitting at the edge of the tower, nearly hidden away from the pillars that decorated the sides of the castle. His back was turned to you, his posture hunched, and he was gazing out into the giant lake. You contemplated leaving, letting him be alone for a while, for you were still mad at him, after all. But in the end, you chose to approach him anyway. 

He could sense your presence even before you stood next to him. Sighing, he softly patted the spot beside him, beckoning you to sit. You stood where you were. In his hands lay a small, skinny stick with a brown edge and white paper wrapped around it. There was a trail of smoke coming out of the lighted end, and you realised he was holding something Muggles called a cigarette. You had heard of it, your teammates had invited you to try it before, but you were never fond of poisoning your lungs with a substance that you were not even sure was legal in the Wizarding world.

"You never told me you smoked."

"You never asked." He took another long drag from it, dropping ashes on the roof beside him as a wisp of white smoke escaped his chapped lips. 

"It's not good for you, you know."

"We all die in the end, don't we? Might as well live my life how I want it while I still have time." You moved closer to him, and saw that he had smoked more than one. A few were stubbed out by his feet when he had finished them, and he had an outline of a pack full of it in his pocket. 

"Since when have you been so pessimistic?" _I always was, (y/n), I've just stopped for a while whenever I'm happy, whenever I'm with you._

Severus had contemplated for a while. He wanted to keep the secret of his Dark Mark appearing again on his forearm for a little longer, but from his visit to Dumbledore's office the other night, and what Dumbledore had told him, he decided otherwise. You would know, eventually, there was no denying that The Dark Lord was rising again, and Severus _needed_ you by his side if he was to go through everything he had to go through in the first war again. He would not know how he would survive the pain, the heartbreak, between you leaving him when you found out and him having to stay strong to serve Dumbledore through it all if you only found out later. At least, if you found out now and decided to leave him, he would have more time to pick himself up, to get a grip, before he faced everything that would come hurtling to him once again. So he decided to spill it all, to you. 

"Two years ago, when I told you that I was a Death Eater, you stayed," he said, quietly in the wind, like he was stating a fact.

"Yes." You wondered where he was going with this conversation.

"Why?"

"Because I don't think it's fair to leave you because of your past mistakes. You've grown, changed, become a better person. You've become the very person I grew to love, and because I believe that a person can change, for better or for worse. What mattered then, and what matters now, is that you are no longer that person, and that you've left it all behind to be who you are today. You don't have to be a hero in everyone's story for me to love you, Severus." He could not see you, but you were staring straight at him, emotions raging in your eyes. 

Severus had to control himself from spinning around and bringing his lips to yours. "I have to tell you something, would you please sit?"

No matter how much you wanted to refuse, you sat anyway, the swishing of his robes against your curled up legs, the sight of his soft hair beside you making your heart smile, no matter how much you reminded yourself you were still mad at him. You looked at him for a moment, before he stubbed out the remaining of his cigarette between the both of you, and pulled up the sleeve on his left arm. There stood a rather faded, yet distinguishable Dark Mark on him, something you had never noticed previously whenever you were with him. Then you realised it must have only appeared recently, from what Moody had told you about Death Eaters, on one of your training sessions. 

You did not know what to say, your fingers reaching out to trace the outlines of it, causing Severus to tug away his arm slightly, horrified at what you were going to do, but you did not do anything for a while, just tracing it absentmindedly. 

"It's been slowly becoming clearer and clearer. The Dark Lord is going to summon me, Karkaroff, Lucius, any day now, when it eventually burns through my skin and becomes prominent again. Then I would have...I would have to serve him again. But I don't know if Dumbledore has told you, or if he even should be telling you, but...I've changed. I really have, (y/n)," He knew the next part was going to be difficult to say, especially to you, but he did so anyway. "The moment The Dark Lord came for _her_ , I begged Dumbledore to save her, spare her, do anything to keep her safe. And in exchange for that...he made me his spy. I've been his spy for The Dark Lord, as I have been a spy for The Dark Lord on Dumbledore as well. And..."

He wanted to say more, but you had no reaction. Your fingers were still on his arm, as if caressing the outline of the Dark Mark, and he wondered if you even heard him at all. "...And I've switched sides. For her. "

There was a long silence. Severus expected you to cringe, to wince at the mention of Lily again, since he had always regarded it as a sore subject between the both of you. He would also not be surprised if you just got up and left, leaving him there, after what he said. He literally mentioned to you that _she_ was the reason he defected from The Dark Lord, for Merlin's sake, that it was his love for her that finally made him see reason, see good in the world. But he could not hide his past, and if he was going to tell you the whole truth, he had to include Lily in it, no matter how painful. 

"I understand." 

"You do?" Severus turned to look at you then, and he noticed you were smiling softly at him. He did not know what he did to warrant that smile. 

"Thank you, for telling me, Severus. Could you not see that this was all I ever wanted? I only wanted you to be truthful with me, to let me into your life, your past, so that I can _help_ you, support you when you need it. And...to have you trust me like this and be vulnerable enough to tell me these ugly parts of your past that I know is incredibly difficult for you to say aloud, you have no idea how much I love you for that. I...I want to be here for you, Severus, through it all. I promise I'm not leaving you, for anything. I care about you, I love you. And yes, you switched sides for Lily, but so what? She was all you had at the time, and I know I would've switched sides for you in a heartbeat if The Dark Lord had threatened to take you away from me, too. I don't blame you, Sev, and you shouldn't blame yourself for it too. I'll be here when The Dark Lord rises and pulls you back to him, I'll be here to see you, to support you in your mission for Dumbledore, and I'll be here until the very end, when we get rid of him for good. You're the strongest, bravest person I know, and I don't want you to go through this alone. I'm not going anywhere, I promise." 

Severus felt like he was the luckiest man alive. He did not know what to say, for everything you just said just encompassed what he thought would never happen, what he would never expect, but you had said everything that meant it all for him. He did not know what he had done to deserve you, to have you by his side, and he hoped dearly that you would keep your word. He was incredibly overwhelmed as he stared into your eyes again. 

In one swift motion, you were brought in between his legs, as he captured your lips in his, kissing you over and over again. He kissed you until he could not breathe, until his lungs felt like they were on the verge of collapsing, until you had to be the one to part with him for a second, to inhale the fresh morning air. And then you laughed, that beautiful, captivating laugh of yours, and he could not believe that he could not capture your laugh so that he could hear it over and over again whenever he wanted to. 

"I love you, I love you, I do." He kept saying it, as if saying it more would amplify the extent of his love for you, and as you said it back to him, he could not help himself from smiling. 

Then after a while, the both of you having already watched the sunrise together, something else caught Severus' worry. 

"That day, that day when Karkaroff came to my room, I-"

"Sev, you don't have to tell me that, it's alright. I forgive you," you began to say, but he shushed you quietly.

"No, I feel like I have to say it. I want to. That day, Karkaroff told me...that he intended to flee if the mark burned." 

"And are you tempted to join him?" You settled your head on the crook of his neck. 

"No."

"No," you confirmed, turning to look up into his eyes. "You're braver, stronger than that. I know you are."

Severus did not say anything, only held your hand tightly to his chest, as if the very presence of you could quench the worry, the fear in his heart. He thought about it, leaving, but he figured he could not do that. No, he owed it to Dumbledore, to Minerva, to Harry and the rest of the students, and to you, to stay. 

And then you spoke the words that Severus had thought for a long time whenever he was with you. "I sometimes think the Sorting Hat sorts too soon, you know?"


	9. The Only Thing

24th November 1994

"Sev-" You were interrupted by another kiss, "We really have to-" Then a hand pulling on your hair to give your kisser more access to your neck, "Severus!"

"What?" Severus whined as he continued the attack on your mouth and neck, his hands roaming everywhere on your body. Before you could properly speak again, however, he was back to shutting you up with his lips against yours. 

"Severus!" You laughed as you forced yourself off of him, trying to get him to look at you properly. He gave a slightly irritated groan, before allowing you to get off from his lap. There was a tent in his pants that you tried to ignore as you looked up at him again. "We'll be late. For breakfast, then the first task."

"So? It's not like they're going to notice we're gone anyway. The stars there are Diggory and _Potter_ ," Severus said the name with such a bitter tone that you lightly slapped his arm. 

"Let it go, will you? It's not his fault that someone slipped his name in. Which I've been trying to find out, by the way, but for the life of me, I can't figure out who..."

Severus sighed, before helping you up. "Me neither. Whatever it is, our job for now is to look out for him, make sure no one tries anything funny while he is competing. Merlin knows the tasks are the perfect time to pull anything and make it look like an accident on his part." 

"I knew you'd come around." You grinned, leading him down the stairwell and giving him a peck on the cheek as you began walking to the Great Hall for breakfast. 

Cedric caught up to you after the final lesson of the day, his footsteps rushed and panicky. When he informed you that Harry had told him the first task was dragons, however, your heart beamed with pride that Harry had told him as well. _Noble thing to do, Harry_ , you thought as Cedric presented his options for you to recommend to him. He had less than a few hours left, and you felt really bad for the boy who right then, looked like he was about to faint. Weighing out his options, you came to a decision that would be the safest for him. 

"Distract your dragon. You've got no chance in killing it, so do what you must, but don't try to fight it. Transfigure something, anything, and take what you need and go. Don't waste time trying to see what else you could do to hurt it to get it away from you, you'll only end up burnt to a crisp, understand?" 

He was about to reply, but Professor Sprout had appeared behind him, and was keen on dragging him away to the tent for the Champions already. He thanked you quickly, and while you nodded and wished him all the best, you could not help but feel a slight feeling of dread in your bones. _Insane, they are, to subject children to these creatures!_

You wanted to wish Harry good luck, too, before he got dragged away into the tent as well. But when you tried to locate him after his class, you discovered that Minerva had dragged him off early to send him, and he was in the tent already. Frowning, you hoped he knew what to do later on, seeing as he knew of the tasks before Cedric did, but all you could do then, was hope for the best for him. 

The dragons enclosure was a little distance away from the school, and you and Severus met up later that day to head there together. The crowds of students chattering excitedly over who they thought would come first was quickly drowned out when they actually saw the dragons, however. They were huge, all four of them, with torrents of fire shooting from their mouths fiercely. All four of them looked distinctly different, but the Hungarian Horntail painfully stood out as the most intimidating one. They had to be at least four or five times larger than any beast you had ever seen, and the sharp gasps and cheers of awe amplified in the enclosure as the crowds took their seats. But right as you were about to head in with the rest of them, the token that had been resting safely in the pocket of your robes, however, suddenly began vibrating wildly. 

_Weird, it never did that before. In fact, it hasn't done anything since I got it, this is the first time it's showing an indication of it being more than a decorative item,_ you subconsciously reached inside your robes to feel it, and sure enough, not only was it vibrating even harder by the second, it was growing warm, like a fire had been set to slowly burn its embers around it. You knew you needed to get away from a second to pull it out before it began to burn through your robes, too.

"Severus, I'll join you in a second. I need to settle something." He gave you a suspicious look, but at the mention of _lady problems_ , he quickly averted his gaze, and began walking to the stands to save you a seat. 

Going against the current of the ecstatic students and staff of the school, you tried to walk as fast as you could without attracting too much attention, only stopping when you reached the castle and the token had grown so hot that it felt like there was a fire going to erupt soon if you did not pull it out. Hiding near one of the large pillars near the entrance, you hastily grabbed it, the metal searing against your fingers even after you threw it on the ground. It was shaking, then, not just vibrating, and the green that glowed emerald previously was now almost like a bright white light, with how shiny it had gotten. Standing guard, you had your hand on the wand in your robes as well, in case anything happened. 

"I think you're meant to twist it open," A voice behind you said, and you jumped when you made eye contact with Moody, an immense feeling of horror surging through your body. Looking at him then, you felt the fear smother you, spreading from your head to your nose and mouth and then to the rest of your body. Your head was ice cold, and a weird choking feeling was present in your throat. _This is it. He's going to know, he's going to turn me in. I'm done for, whatever reputation that I have tried to build up, it's-_

But he simply craned his neck forward, beside you, before picking it up in one swift move. Wincing slightly as the heat burned through his fingers, you were surprised he was strong enough to twist the green part of the token, before it came off with a hard _POP_ , and the gold part of it flew into your hands. And then the heat seemed to dissipate as he held it in his, and still watching him as you stood there frozen solid, he grinned wickedly. _What was he doing? How did he know what to do with it? Why is he not reporting me?_

"I remember this. I remember this very well," he chuckled, before flipping it to you. "Look, see." 

You were about to speak again, willing yourself to ask what the hell he was doing, when suddenly, a loud _CRACK_ sounded out, and the emerald part of the token flying towards you, blinding you momentarily. And then you were falling, the feeling similar to when you fell through Dumbledore's Pensieve, only this time, you felt like your skin was burning the longer you fell, and the blood roaring in your ears so deafening that you felt like they were going to burst any moment. You did not know if you were screaming, you must have been, with how much pain was enveloping you, and you did not know how long you fell for before you hit the ground with a loud thud, your ribs taking the brunt of the damage. 

You could not move, your head was pounding so hard, your limbs felt like they were made of lead, and you were pretty sure that you had broken a few ribs with how hard you had fallen. Groaning, you were just about to look at your surroundings when a pair of arms slid under your own, and forcefully dragged you up to a sitting position against a wall. You cried out in pain at the effort it caused your body, but when you tried to turn around to see who it was, you saw nobody. Instead, you realised you were in a circular room, the air damp and musty, and the walls unnaturally cold and dark. There was a faint light right in front, but even as you squinted your eyes, you could not make anything out of it. _What had I gotten myself into?_

Cursing, you tried to move at least one of your arms, to grab your wand, but it felt like it was being weighed down by a ton of bricks. Then you tried the other, but it too, refused to move. Leaning your head forward, you felt yourself starting to spiral. _I am stuck, I am stuck here forever. I can't move my arms, my legs, and I can't-_

A cold tip of something sharp lifted up your chin, and when you glanced at where it came from, a scream that wanted to escape from your mouth never came. Facing you right then, was a milky white serpentine face, with a triangular head and slits where it's nose should have been. It had no body, only a face that was staring at you, with it's mouth lifted into a terrifying grin, baring sharp fangs for teeth and scarlet red eyes that glowed in recognition upon making eye contact with you. It was easily the most horrifying thing you had ever seen. 

But then it spoke, and if possible, your heart stopped beating for more than a few seconds. "Hello, my dear (y/n), you look just like your mother, you do."

Your jaw slack open, you did not know what to say to it. What even was it? The more you looked, the more terrifying it appeared, and you wanted so badly to shut your eyes and wake up from this nightmare. It continued, "Awfully rude of you to not say anything to me, especially when I have taken the liberty to see you in person, in a Dark Pensieve, my dear girl. Look up at me, look at your Lord Voldemort." 

The name brought chills to your spine as you continued to stare at it, only now, you were absolutely sure that you were not going to survive whatever he was going to do to you. _Voldemort, Dark Pensieve _, the names rolled around in your head. _I'm going to die in the hands of The Dark Lord, right here, right now. But...I can't get hurt in a Pensieve, can I?___

____

"Oh but you are not going to die, I'm afraid. But what I am going to do to you, may feel a little...uncomfortable," _He could read your mind._ "No, not when you are going to be so, so useful to me. You see, you and I are the same, my girl. We have both been wronged, been lied to, have _everything_ taken away from us, from one man. Dumbledore. You and I have special gifts, and we are both very powerful wizards, we've known that from young. Only difference is, I continued to harness it, let it grow, while you, you pushed it away, discarded it wastefully, and thrown yourself into what? Quidditch? Pathetic. To know that you possess powers stronger than the average wizard, and to shove it down like Dumbledore taught you to, only to use it all on a sport after graduating? We were both taken care of by the same man, _saved_ by him, if you could call it, but in doing so he has lied to us, stopped us from unleashing our true potential, wanted us to suppress our talents. I'm guessing you have found out about your parents, haven't you?" 

____

You suddenly felt a sort of invisible rope being tied around your neck, choking you. _I'm getting hurt, Dark Pensieves can hurt the person, this feels all too real._ Nodding slowly, the creature seemed to chuckle. "And I'm going to guess further that you feel betrayed, lied to, by the man. Imagine, a school Prefect, a model student, Quidditch player, nothing short of brilliant you are, but parent-less? You had nothing, no one, except Dumbledore who had your back. Children at your age, they wouldn't care about your situation, would they? That led you to fall like the perfect prey to that man. He would teach you, groom you, let you see his ways, his beliefs, and make you nothing less than an opposite of your parents. He never let you see why they joined me, as my loyal followers, never let you see how in the same circumstances, _you_ would have too. Even now, you have nothing, no one to lose, am I right? Which makes you the perfect candidate for me. There is nothing in your life that can keep you from devoting everything to me. You will die for me, without anyone missing you or trying to avenge you. You have nothing to lose, my dear, and the Dark Arts, you fancy them, don't you? My followers tell me so. You are going to join me, and practise the Dark Arts, and finally _see_ what you can achieve without that senile old wizard has been keeping you from achieving. And you are _so lucky_ that even in my state right now, I let you know me, see me. You are very special you know, and to get you like this, one of my followers must have been greatly skilful to lure you in, and now that that part is done, I am going to make your life much more interesting, because..."

____

With a swift turn of his head, he beckoned something to come closer, and coming out of the shadows, was Peter Pettigrew. You gasped, the last time you saw him was in the Shrieking Shack, and he had gotten away, much to the trouble and anguish of everyone. Your knuckles ached to punch him and that stupid smile on his face then, your face scrunching in rage at the very sight of his. But then the rope tightened, and you found yourself gasping for air and focusing your eyes back at the serpent instead, who was now grinning at you threateningly. It was loose enough to let you breathe short breaths of air, never enough to fully fill your lungs, but tight enough so that you could not speak or do anything else.

____

"...Wormtail here is going to make everything _so_ much easier for you. You will help me rise, become as strong as I was before, and then even stronger. You will succeed your parents, who were two of my best, who had refused to bring you along to join me when you were younger, and who are in hiding at this very moment, waiting for me. I will not punish them, of course, not when they have brought me _you_. You are very valuable, you know that? And very, very difficult to get. The moment your little Quidditch team fired you, Dumbledore wasted no time in hiring you, to keep you safe under his watchful eye again, to make sure you don't come running to me. You must have known that, no?"

____

You tried to shake your head, but the rope only got tighter, and with your eyes, you tried to convey what you wanted to say. He seemed to understand. "Of course you don't. Dumbledore is smart that way, uses wizards, witches, for his own good. Makes sure they are on his side even before they can choose. But seeing that I am _nothing_ like that treacherous, sorry excuse of a wizard, I shall help you see, like I have helped many others. You will join me, come to me when the time comes, and work for me as a _spy_. Yes, you will owe your life to me, as your parents do, and I will use you, your mind, and your body as a looking glass into what the man is planning against me. I am sure he has read the signs, he would know that I am coming for him, and so are your parents. _You_ will report to me, because even if you refuse, nothing can be done, you should know that by now. You are mine, and the moment you leave my Pensieve, a Pensieve that I have bewitched to let me visit those who try to visit my memories in person, you are already part of my following. But of course, we cannot sear a Dark Mark onto you, right? It would be too easy for Dumbledore, for anyone, really, to know who you are, who you belong to. No, I have something special for you, my dear."

____

Before you could even process his words, he had whipped his head around to Wormtail, who was holding a weapon resembling a dagger, only it's glinted edge had been dipped into some sort of black, ominous liquid, and it was dripping onto the floor in loud drops. You shuddered as he admired it in the dim lighting for a moment, giggling maniacally. In one swift motion, however, Wormtail was beside you, and the dagger had slashed right through your abdomen, blood spraying between the three of you. You screamed, the pain unlike anything had ever felt before. It was excruciating, and the black liquid seemed to seep into your robes and then into your skin, almost as if it was infiltrating your bloodstream. It stung so bad that you felt like you were going to pass out instantly. Your hands cooperated this time and instinctively flew to the wide cut, feeling like your organs were all going to fall out. But where you had reached, the liquid that was seeping through your hands this time was not only your blood, but a mixture of it with the black liquid as well. It seemed like it was binding, clotting instantly to the cut, as it quickly repaired it. Then, in a matter of seconds, the bleeding had stopped, and as you looked down, what remained of it was a giant scar, spanning across the width of your abdomen. It was scarlet red, like the colour in Voldemort's eyes, and you felt your heart drop when through the skin, you could see the black liquid moving in your body, like a being on its own. You felt your body writhe, almost as if rejecting the foreign object, before it gave with a final sigh, and the pain began to subside. The blood in your hands and robes evaporated, and you looked back at the serpent in horror, who was more than pleased in what Wormtail had done.

____

"I heard you lost something this year, something very precious to you. Shame, to put a mark right where you thought you could keep it safe, could it? Now, it is my secrets that you keep safe, the same substance used in the Dark Mark, now inside you. Thank you, for coming to me my dear, and I will see you very soon, (y/n). In the meantime, I am sure you have matters to attend to at Hogwarts, don't you?"

____

Your eyes alight with fright, you could only hear the cackle of Voldemort's laughter before you felt yourself suddenly brought straight up to where you came from, flying up in the air, leaving everything, the cold, circular room, the terrifying being that disclosed himself as Voldemort, and the sickening look on Wormtail's face as you shot up. 

____

Once again thrown back to Hogwarts grounds, you felt yourself spluttering as your face was slammed against the grass again, the token clutched in your hands this time. You were sprawled on the floor, but before you could even get up, out of the corner of your eye, Moody had surged forward, and grabbing you by the neck, slammed you against the wall. 

____

His hands were choking you, cutting off your airway properly this time. You struggled, your feet trying to reach him to kick him away, your hands over his trying to pry them off, but to no avail. As you writhed, that awful smile of his returned. He pushed up the shirt underneath your robes, and an excited glint in his eyes appeared as the both of you saw the red scar, now compressed to nothing more than a thin line, right below your diaphragm. It was barely noticeable to anyone else, but to you, you almost felt like breaking down when you realised that what had happened _had been very, very real_.

____

"I knew you would see. I have led you well to him, I know I have. I tricked Lucius Malfoy to give the token to you instead of me, placed it in one of your old houses that he so often searched for signs of where your parents had fled to, and he fell right for it, as did you. It was the very token that The Dark Lord had reached out to me from, all those years ago. It was time I used it to bring someone else to him, someone that could do as much damage as I could. He will surely reward me greatly for what I’ve done, I know he will. All I had to do was to get you away at a perfect time, and get you to open it, didn't I? And now, with you under his mercy, you on the same side as I am, my only job left here is to get the boy without your interference, which has been made much, much easier."

____

"What...makes...you...think...I...won't...protect...him?" You were struggling to even choke out the words. The thought of Moody planning to get Harry, Moody as the one who had slipped his name into the Goblet of Fire, Moody being a _Death Eater_ all along, filled your mind with an icy chill, but your head was getting too lightheaded to even try to fight him off. You were starting to lose consciousness. 

____

"Because if you try, I am sure The Dark Lord will be very pleased to know that you have one thing in your life you fear losing the most, _Severus Snape._ "

____


	10. See Me

24th November 1994

"You wouldn't risk it, would you? Your _dear Severus_? You wouldn't risk trying to save a boy you barely know, a boy who has done _nothing_ but cause you trouble, for him?" Moody's voice dripped with malice, but seeing that you were turning purple, he quickly dropped you, leaving you to heave on the ground, clutching your throat tightly. Delicious breaths of fresh air filled your lungs, and you massaged your neck as best as you could to allow yourself to breathe normally. 

But then a kick to your ribs made you roll over to the ground again, and you winced as Moody picked you up by your hair. "Run along now, don't try to fight me, you know you can never win. Run back to the Tournament, act like nothing has happened, and I can assure Severus' safety, for now. But the moment you start trying to pull tricks on me, casting spells or charms to protect the boy, trying to inform Dumbledore or anyone else of what has happened, I will see to it that you witness the man you love dying a very slow, painful death right in front of you, while you keep on living, working, for The Dark Lord. Do you understand?"

The thought of Severus getting hurt, Severus being at the mercy of The Dark Lord as well, Severus _dying_ brought fresh tears to your eyes, though you were not sure if they were mixed with the pain from your ribs and throat as well or not. All you could do, was nod slowly as Moody released you, and you staggered to get up. He smirked, before making his way back into the castle. 

"I'll be watching, (y/n). You know I have my ways." 

As you struggled to head back to the dragon enclosure, you did not even realise that the first task was over, and from the looks of it, a Hogwarts Champion had emerged victorious. Everyone was shuffling out as you entered the arena, and a few students beamed at you, asking what you thought of Cedric's transfiguration move, or Harry's summoning spell, and you only smiled softly at them, before moving on. The events that had just happened to you were too much to deal with, and engaging in another conversation would for sure break you down. You tried to find _him_ , craning your neck through the crowd, spotting for the long black hair and the signature black robes of his, when a hand intertwined with yours. You jumped, your other hand immediately pulling out the wand in your robes, for the previous encounter was still fresh in your mind. But it was the very person you were looking for. 

You could not control yourself any longer, you rushed forward and hugged him as tightly as you could. _You're here, you're here and you're safe with me. That's all that matters right now._ Severus was slightly embarrassed as a few of the older students that hung around long enough saw the both of you, but as your eyes implored his and your grip tightened, he wondered what kind of _lady problems_ you went through to cause you to act in such a manner. 

"You missed the whole first task, my love. Potter is in the lead, thankfully."

"I know, I know, but I'm just glad to see you. I love you, I love you so much," you cried, holding onto him even tighter. Severus, although confused, decided to ask questions later. For now, Hogwarts was in the lead, both Champions were safe, and life as he saw it, had not gone to crap yet. 

_I have to tell Dumbledore, I have to tell him, I have to-_ Your thoughts were interrupted as you and Severus settled down beside each other for the celebratory feast that night, and Moody made eye contact with you. He cast a knowing look your way, which then travelled to Dumbledore, then back at you, and he shook his head. You felt like crumbling at the very sight of him. Nobody on the table, in the hall, knew of what had happened to you just hours prior, nobody could see that you were barely holding whatever shred of sanity you had left in you in, nobody could see the _absolute fear_ in your eyes when they met with Moody's, and for the first time since coming to Hogwarts, you had never felt so alone. 

But regardless of Moody's warnings, you risked it. _It's my fault, it's all my fault that whatever has happened, happened. It's my fault for keeping the token, trying to pry it open, and now it's my fault that I've been marked by The Dark Lord. Whatever happens from here on out, I deserve it, but I cannot put Harry Potter and Dumbledore at risk for my mistakes._ You risked it all that night, and went to find Dumbledore. Rushing through the castle with only the sound of your footsteps roaring in your ears, it was nearly midnight when you ensured that Moody had returned to his office before you tried to find him.

There seemed to be nobody other than you who was waiting to visit the Headmaster. Bouncing on your heels nervously, the walls suddenly looked so much more constricting than you had ever seen them before and when the stone gargoyle was just about to ask you for the password, a _Colloshoo_ hex could be heard, and before you knew it, your feet had been planted onto the ground as Moody came into view. Where he had come from, you had no idea. You were absolutely sure that no one had tried following you or was up at the hour, and you had remembered to turn as many corners as possible and take the weirdest, longest routes when making your way to the office, but apparently, it had not been enough. _There is no one else here, Dumbledore's inside, and nobody will see him if he tries to kill me here._

You took out your wand, but he only approached you steadily, before uttering, " _Expelliarmus._ "

" _Protego!_ " 

He laughed. "Perhaps I have taught you _too well_ , (y/n). You are awfully fast, you know?"

" _Protego_ is an easy spell to conjure. You underestimate me." You muttered another spell to free yourself, but before you could turn to the office again, it was Moody's large, grubby hands that were on you this time, as he pinned you against the wall. He reeked of some kind of potion, and his body was awfully heavy and uncomfortable as it pressed against yours. Raising his wand to tip your chin towards him, you were certain he could feel the fear emanating from you right then.

"Don't...test...me, (y/n). You know the rules, you know what happens if you don't play nice. Besides," he smirked, "Who would believe you? You have no Dark Mark, you have no proof that you had seen him, all you have...is that scar. And considering you played Quidditch and teach Defence Against the Dark Arts, no one would even question for a second that you were pulling their leg. You are going to be very useful, my girl, The Dark Lord chose you for a reason, and you wouldn't want to disappoint him, do you? And then what would happen? I bring Severus to him, and he dies, all because you couldn't keep your mouth shut? Don't you know that Severus-"

"-Severus what?" You had never been more relieved to hear the potions professor's voice. Moody immediately released you, quickly stuffing his wand back, and turned to the man. Severus, having just exited Dumbledore's office, was appalled to see what Moody was doing, and then his eyes travelled to you, and he nearly ripped the man away with ferocity had it not been for Dumbledore appearing behind him too. He had only heard his name, and none of the conversation before, but he could not have imagined it was pleasant, looking at you then. 

Moody's good eye looked him over, disgust filling them. "I don't think it is appropriate for me to be sharing my business with a _Death Eater_ who has walked free, Severus. You know your kind are what I despise the most."

"You laid your hands on her! Why, you-" Severus lifted his fists, but Dumbledore held him back forcefully. A slew of insults flew from his mouth at Moody, who only glared at him, before spitting and walking back to the privacy of his office. 

"Remember what I have said, (y/n). Think carefully the next time you attempt something like that again," he said under his breath, which could not be heard by anyone except you, leaving Severus and Dumbledore standing there, looking you over with a million questions. But Dumbledore looked almost as if he knew what you were going to say before you even said it. 

"I'm fine. I just...lost my way finding one of the classrooms I left my stack of papers in. Goodnight, you two."

5th December 1994 

It had been eleven days. Eleven full days of keeping your mouth shut, of avoiding Moody and Dumbledore, and as best as you could, acting as normal as you could with Severus. Luckily, the both of you had been slumped with so much work, that neither of you had time to question each other and pay much attention the other's behaviours for the past few days, much less allowing you to think about the scar. It did not hurt, and it was not so obvious to anyone else, but whenever you took off your shirt, stood under the shower, and stared at it in your reflection, you could not help but wincing as you scrubbed your body a little harder at the area, trying to scrub off the crimes you had done. Severus had asked you why you had been taking longer showers lately, and noticed your overall dour mood in general, but he was often too tired to even dismiss your actions as weird, he too, was always busy with the Headmaster, his own work, and thinking about what would happen if The Dark Lord was back, after all. _It was for the best, that he did not know. He should be the last person to know._

But avoiding Harry was a whole other task altogether. Moody had warned you, in the rare few times that he cornered you after your classes, that if he even caught you speaking to the boy for matters other than schoolwork, he would send a _horrible surprise_ your way. What it was, you did not intend to find out. Twice already had you seen him knocking on your office door as you were making your way to it, and you had to take detours to ensure that he did not see you and left, and nearly after every lesson, he would stay back to ask if he could talk to you for a while, which you would quickly decline and head off for your other class in a rush, and once, after every attempt of approaching you had failed, he had waited outside of Severus' quarters in the morning to see you, and having run out of every single excuse, you simply asked Severus if he could ask the boy to nicely leave, which Severus did not do in the nicest way possible, of course. 

So when the boy finally cracked and cornered you after you had finished your sentry duty around the castle, you knew you could not avoid the conversation any longer. You knew he would want to tell you a blow-by-blow account of what happened in the first task, of course, even though he did not know that you were not there to witness him fend off the dragon heroically and steal its egg and get awarded with the top scores. He had always treated you as more than a teacher, more than a friend, and you knew that was where the trouble lay. Because right then, staring into those jarring green eyes of his, you found yourself nearly breaking down at the thought of what Moody was going to do to him. _But I cannot. I cannot do it, I have to protect Severus._

The both of you were outside your office, and he did not seem interested in letting you enter without a word with you. "Professor (l/n), why have you been avoiding me?"

"I haven't, Harry. I've just simply been too busy these past few days, and I haven't got the chance to exactly sit down for tea with you. Now would you please-"

"You're lying!" The boy nearly shouted, and you sent him a glare. 

"You speak to teachers like that, Harry?" At your words, a slight blush appeared in his cheeks, and he apologised, but not before pleading for answers on why you had been so _obviously_ avoiding him, which although you insisted you had not, was painfully obvious that you were. 

"I have five minutes with you before Professor Snape comes here and asks why you are out of bed at this hour, so do you want to make full use of this time to question me? How are you doing with the second task?" Your eyes flitted around the hallways for any sign of Moody. You needed to end the conversation quickly without letting the boy down, as well. 

"Actually...can we go inside?" He gestured to your office, but you shook your head firmly. A crestfallen look adorned his features, and you felt a pang of guilt of what you had just done. Your office was sort of his comfort, his safe space, and you knew whatever he intended to discuss with you had been bothering him and very personal, but you could not find it in your heart to give in. _I need to stay strong._

So he explained it to you as best as he could, about the egg, and how it screamed whenever he opened it, and how he could not for the life of him, figure out what it was supposed to do. Then for the first time in a while, he shared of his worries. His scar, his name being put in the Goblet of Fire, and how terrified he was of what was to come. He was being vulnerable with you, but there you were, trying not to break down in front of him with the information that you were keeping from him. You felt like the worst person in the world, listening to his troubles when you knew the cause of all of them and not saying anything, but how could you say anything? It was his life or Severus', and as selfish as you were, you could not decide between the two. What you needed, was more time. More time to figure out how to not hurt either of them, how to save Harry and not let Severus die, or how to--No, you had no solution, and that was what was killing you. 

"So...do you think you can help me?"

But if your previous actions had not broken his heart already, you, the person he trusted the most in the school, the one person he was confident was always on his side, the one person that confidently told him nights before that you believed him, that you would look out for him, that you would be cheering for him in the Tournament (which meant more to him than you would ever know), you spoke, "I'm sorry, Harry. I'm already helping Cedric, and I can't be helping you too."

Harry left you in a fury that night, shouting in betrayal of you favouring the Hufflepuff boy over him, angry tears that he refused to let you see welling in his eyes, and you had never felt more horrible than you did then. _Was what you did really for his own good, or for your own selfish causes?_

As you lay in bed beside Severus that night, you could not help but let your thoughts drift again. _What am I doing? Staying here, laying beside Severus, working with Dumbledore, lying to Harry and everyone else, when I have been cursed, when I have met The Dark Lord himself, when I have that scar marking me as his? And he doesn't know about Severus, no, he doesn't know that he is the only thing keeping me from telling Dumbledore anything. Because as angry as I am with the Headmaster, I could never...I don't think I can betray him._ But then they drifted to what that serpent had said to you, about how Dumbledore had raised you to be the very version of you are today, brainwashed to thinking that the world was divided between good people and Death Eaters, and that you could only pick one side, and your head started to hurt again. _What if I betrayed Dumbledore...? Would it keep Severus safe? Would it be selfish of me to serve The Dark Lord, to let him use me as his spy, just to keep Severus out of harm's way? But Harry...I cannot do that to him, I can protect him from harm's way as much as I can without Moody or any of the other Death Eaters knowing, but even Dumbledore himself admitted that the final step in killing The Dark Lord was always going to be Harry, and he had to do it alone. I cannot keep him in a protected bubble forever, he's already stronger and in much more danger than that, but..._

"Your thoughts are very loud today, my love." A sleepy voice beside you drawled, and your heartstrings tugged at the sight of Severus with his hand over you, snuggling into your neck for comfort. "Would you care to tell me about them?"

"I..." You debated over what to tell him, "...I just feel that life is so...unfair. I don't think life is ever fair, for anyone. And even if I try, what's the point if the odds are stacked against me?"

"Mmm, that was what I thought as well. I kept feeling sorry for myself, for my childhood and what I've become, that often I don't appreciate the times that I feel life _is fair,_ and how my happy moments can sometimes triumph over the miserable ones I have had of the past. I can give you an example now, when I feel that despite everything, life is rather good for me. You. With you by my side now, the fire warmly crackling, and being able to listen to your heartbeat as I fall asleep, is one of life's greatest treasures for me, sweetheart. So come back to sleep, won't you? I want this moment to last a little while longer, and we have to announce the news of the Yule Ball tomorrow."

You laughed softly. "Oh, you would love Yule Ball, wouldn't you? You'd have to teach your Slytherins to dance, dear. " 

Severus grunted in complaint, and pouted cutely. Unbeknownst to him though, as he laid his arms more protectively over you that night, unconsciously rubbing over your scar, was that you had made a decision.


	11. The Yule Ball, Part 1

6th December 1994

"As some of you might have heard, a customary tradition of the Triwizard Tournament is the Yule Ball. It will be held on Christmas night, for those of you who are staying at Hogwarts for the break, and-" An excited chatter broke out before Flitwick could even finish reading off the parchment given to him of the announcement, and you sighed. All of the teachers had expected this reaction, and the Ravenclaw common room right then looked like a disorderly mess of ecstatic movement as the groups broke out into their own conversations. You had to clap your hands to get them to look at Flitwick again so that he could get to the final, and perhaps, the most interesting part of the announcement. 

"-T-thank you, Professor (l/n). As I was saying, and while it is open only for the fourth-years and above, you are permitted to invite younger students to the ball as your _dance partners_." 

"Dates, if you will," you added on, as another roar of excitement erupted. "Listen!"

"And because it is a night of opportunities to socialise with our foreign guests, I will have to emphasise that our Ravenclaws hold themselves in the highest manner, you will learn how to dance, you will be in your dress robes, and you will find _suitable_ dance partners, might I remind you. Dance lessons will be conducted by Professor (l/n) at night on selected days of the week, do approach her for the schedule, and should you have any troubles finding a dance partner, please reach out to the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang students, will you? That will be all."

You felt that you and the charms professor had never exited a more high-spirited Ravenclaw common room before. He chuckled as he strode beside you, occasionally glancing back at the students who were already making plans and deciding on who to go with for the ball.

"I imagine you would have felt the same way if the ball had happened during your time, wouldn't you, (y/n)?" He asked cheerfully as he kept the piece of parchment in his robes. 

"I would," you chuckled, imagining a younger version of yourself freaking out over the dress you had to wear for the day, over who was going to ask you to the ball, and over what you were supposed to do during the dances. "I still do, actually. "

"And you hope for Professor Snape to ask you? With romantic gestures and a bouquet of flowers like how some of our boys are planning to do?" He poked, and you cast your head down shyly. 

"Yes, but also no. I...I don't need a grand gesture, Flitwick, just him taking the liberty to ask is enough for me."

"Well, he better do it soon, a few of the Beauxbatons and Durmstrang boys have been eyeing you for quite a while now. In fact, I'm sure you have noticed the boy that is following us right now?" 

Sure enough, as you and Flitwick rounded a hallway, the very same Beauxbatons boy that had set his eyes on you upon his arrival at Hogwarts was trailing carefully behind you. You had noticed him staring a lot at you, actually, from the Ravenclaw tables, to when you spent time out at Hogwarts grounds on weekends, and even on the trips to Hogsmeade you made. Only now, he had actually taken the initiative to start following you around as well, and you laughed at the thoughts he must be having upon hearing of news of the Yule Ball. You stopped for a moment to wave to him, and the blush that crept to his cheeks was instantaneous as he shyly waved back, before darting out of sight immediately.

10th December 1994

"Professor!" The familiar voice of one of your Ravenclaw fifth-years called out to you. You were staying behind in one of the classes to sift through your papers, and Cho Chang arrived just as you were about to pack up for the day. 

"How can I help you, Cho?" You replied without looking up from your things. Upon hearing her footsteps near you, you allowed yourself to glance at her for a moment, and you had never seen her more distraught. "Has Roger asked you to do an extra few laps around the field again? I can help you write an excuse letter if you're feeling-"

"No, no, it's not that," The girl looked almost uncomfortable as she played with her fingers. "...It's just, I need your help in choosing who to go with for the Yule Ball."

The last few words were barely audible, but you heard it, and fought off a grin. "Oh, you're ever the popular girl, aren't you? Who are your suitors?"

"Cedric Diggory," she heaved, and then, "...And Harry Potter."

" _Two_ of the Triwizard Champions asking you? Cho, I have truly underestimated you," you laughed, and if possible, the girl turned even redder than she already was. You wanted to poke more fun at her, but seeing as she already looked like a tomato then, and that you had another class in a few minutes, you decided to make it quick. "You're pretty, and you're also a Ravenclaw. If I told you who I thought you should go with, that wouldn't be very wise of you, would it? To let me pick who should go to the Yule Ball with you?"

"But-"

"I think, why you came to me, was because you already know who you want to go with, you just feel guilty to have rejected the other one."

Cho, embarrassed, looked away. But upon doing so, her eyes fell on someone who was standing by the doorway of the class, and as you followed her line of vision, you felt your heart leap. It was Harry, and although he looked rather calm and was leaning against the doorframe, the sight of Moody behind him was what made you clutch your stack of papers in terror. He had that awfully sickening smirk of his as you studied them, your thoughts only broken by Cho gasping and asking Harry if he had heard anything. 

You knew he was lying when he denied it, but nothing could take your eyes away from Moody then. He had followed Harry, who had come to visit you about his predicament in the Yule Ball too, and wanted to see what you would do. _Damn him, damn him!_ You watched as Cho left the class in a hurry, and Harry took her place in front of you. 

"Professor Moody...?" You ignored him at first, wanting to get Moody away from you as far as possible. 

"It _is_ my classroom that you are sitting in, is it not, Professor (l/n)?" At his words, you bit back the frustration that welled up, and finally turned to Harry. _Of course, he had to be here at the right place and the right time._

"What is it, Harry?" The words came out harsher than you expected, and the boy flinched for a moment. 

"I wanted to ask, if you were free tonight, for you know..." He looked at Moody uneasily, but failed to pick up on your eyes begging him not to continue. "...Our weekly sessions?"

"Unfortunately I'm not, and I don't think I will be free for...a while, Harry. The Tournament's taken up a lot of my time this year, and...things have changed." You attempted to let him down gently, and Moody could be seen nodding approvingly out of the corner of your eye. 

As Harry left the classroom later that day, Moody staggered in, thoroughly satisfied after watching the interaction. You fought off the urge to slap him right across the face as he did so, and you hissed in pain as one of his hands gripped your wrist tightly then. You knew it was going to bruise after he let go. 

"Good job, (y/n). I see that you have held up your end of your promise." His words felt filthy, disgusting to hear. 

"What are you going to do to him? The boy? What are you planning, Moody?" 

He only smiled wickedly. "You will see, when the time comes." 

11th December 1994

As if Moody could not make your week any worse, watching the students get love declarations and asking each other out to the Yule Ball annoying Severus seemed to dampen your spirits even more. The both of you had just walked past a Durmstrang boy trying to ask out a Beauxbatons girl by attempting to speak French to her, and Severus could be heard sighing as he rolled his eyes at the scene. 

"Stupid, doesn't he look?"

"I think it's rather sweet, that he's trying to learn her language to ask her out," you rebutted, smiling as the girl shyly said yes to him. Then, your heart faltered when Severus gave a scoff and kept on walking brusquely. 

"We're lucky we're not that age, aren't we? I can't imagine having to ask you out to a stupid _ball_ with me, much less do a cliché gesture like giving you flowers or some stupid proclamation like asking you in front of the _whole Great Hall_." He was referring to an incident earlier in the morning, where one of the Gryffindor fourth-years had enlisted the help of some of his friends to yell out to a Hufflepuff fifth-year to ask if she would go to the ball with him. It was quite cute, really, the gesture, had he not been downright rejected in front of everyone. 

" _Yeah_." You hoped Severus could not pick up on your disappointment. He did not, of course. He never noticed things like that with you, since the both of you had always been on the same page for this particular aspect of your relationship. It was fine if everyone knew the both of you were together, but it was also fine if no one knew. And outside of the privacy of your quarters, you would never show signs of your affection towards each other apart from fleeting glances and shared smiles. So of course he would not expect you, of all people, to want to get asked out in at least, sort of a romantic way to the Yule Ball by him. 

14th December 1994 

However many students you had expected to turn up for your dance lessons, you had not expected nearly _half the Hogwarts population_ , along with nearly all the Durmstrang and Beauxbatons students to attend your _first class_ of the week. You had thought that the respective Heads of the Houses would be teaching each House, but according to Cho, word had spread among the students first that you were going to be teaching the dance lessons, and when Minerva (of course) and Sprout and Severus picked up on it, they obviously thought that it was a stroke of good luck to them, for their own students had already thought that you were the only teacher that was going teach them, and ushered the students to you instead. So when you saw Severus' grinning face amongst the crowd when you arrived at the very cramped classroom that day, you resisted the urge to flip him off right there and then. 

Making your way up to the small stage that had been conjured specifically only for your Ravenclaws, you cleared your throat uneasily. It had been so long since you faced a crowd mirroring the spectators of a Quidditch game, that the familiar butterflies that you often got before speaking at press conferences returned. "Alright, let's...begin. First, I do have to apologise for the rather...cramped space, I had initially thought only my _Ravenclaws_ would be attending this class. Second, seeing that all of your here seem keen to not embarrass yourselves at the ball in front of your partner, I do require that you find a dance partner right now, actually. It's just for the night, so...just pick the person beside you or whatever, it doesn't matter."

"But what about _your_ dance partner, Professor?" It was Neville Longbottom who had voiced out, and you cringed as you scolded yourself for forgetting about it. 

"Right, thank you Neville. I...Would anyone like to volunteer?" Every single pair of eyes in the room turned to Severus, as did yours, but he simply sneered and waved them off with a _forget about it_. He did not know it, but as you smiled encouragingly at him, assuring the students to stop putting pressure on him, that you were hoping with all your heart that he would change his mind, and _dance_ with you. But alas, he firmly rejected you, which was accompanied by the jeers of everyone in the room. 

"I'll dance with you, _Mademoiselle._ " Your eyes shifted from Severus to the crowd, and it landed on the Beauxbatons boy, the one who had been following you and Flitwick the other night. Under the pale lighting of the room, you finally noticed that he was much taller than any of the seventh-years in Hogwarts, and as he approached the stage to get to you, you discovered that he was towering over you as well. His dirty blond hair swept over his face, and as he smiled at you shyly, there was a collective _oohs_ and _aahs_ from the girls in the crowd. 

"O-okay, and you are...?" You were stuttering, for he had gone so close to you then, that it had become rather uncomfortable without making direct eye contact with him. 

"Valentin, Mademoiselle." _Even his name sounds dreamy!_ You could hear Padma shout through the crowd, and you tried your hardest to ignore her.

"Alright, _Valentin_ , as the gentleman, you put your hands...on my waist," His large hands immediately took the opportunity to fly to them, "...And your other hand, with my right hand. I will hold onto your shoulder. Usually the gentleman leads the dance, but seeing as I am the teacher--Oh!" Before you could finish, however, the boy had started the dance, and waltzed right with you. You, not having expected any of the sort, nearly tripped over his foot, and an embarrassed tint appeared on your cheeks as the crowd cheered and the music started. "F-follow Valentin's movements, please, the rest of you!"

As everyone grabbed their partner and merrily followed along to whatever you and Valentin were doing, you found yourself wondering _why on earth_ had he come to your lessons if he could already dance so well, seeing as he could expertly manoeuvre through the room, guided you around the stage and never once, had he stepped on your feet. At the end of it, however, he seemed very reluctant to let you go, and you had to remind him that because everyone else had stopped, he should too. 

As you thanked him for his volunteering in helping you to teach the class, you could see a few of his friends smirking in the corner of the room, muttering something in French as he returned to them. You tried to avoid their gaze, however, as you climbed down the steps towards a then sitting down Severus. His face was hidden in the shadows, and you could not see his expression when he stood, leading you out of the room while the crowd began to disperse. 

But Severus had not even made it past the door when he heard _Valentin_ calling out for you again. You turned, and with a look of apprehension on his face and roaring encouragement from his friends, he approached you again. 

"Would you like to go...to the Yule Ball with me, Mademoiselle?" His question took you by so much surprise, that as your eyebrows raised and the chuckle of the Hogwarts students could be heard behind you, you realised that the both of you had gathered an audience. He looked so, so hopeful, and you were not sure if he was batting his eyelashes provocatively at you then, but you decided to put a stop to his misery. 

Severus had gone out of earshot, with steam coming out of his ears then, and you needed to make it quick if you were going to catch up with him on your trip back to the dungeons. "I think you are mistaken, Valentin, _I'm a teacher_ here. So...I can't go with you, I'm sorry."

You left before you could see the disheartened look on his face and the snarky laughter from his friends when they found out about what happened. Luckily, Severus had waited for you at the corner of the hallway, and you picked up on your pace as you caught up with him. 

"What did that boy say?" You could not place if he was irritated or just tired, from the tone in his voice. 

"He asked me to go to the Yule Ball with him," you said nonchalantly, still reminded that out of everyone, the person you wanted to ask you the most, had not asked. In fact, that very person found it _ridiculous_ , the notion of asking people out to the ball, that very person regarded the ball as a _waste of time_ as well.

"And what did you tell him?"

"What do you think, Severus?!"


	12. The Yule Ball, Part 2

14th December 1994

"But what did you say?!" You were not sure if Severus was really serious, or if he was still trying to poke fun at you for getting asked out by a _student_. It was not your fault that you looked younger than all the other teachers, and that anyone could have mistaken you for a student if they were not paying enough attention. 

"Of course I said no! What, did you think I would go to the ball with a _student_ , Severus?!" 

Severus narrowed his eyes. "No...I just--you know what? Forget it."

He brushed past you to his room, ignoring you as best as he could while he tidied up the potion bottles on his desk and lighted the fireplace. You crossed your arms then, still not getting why he seemed so worked up about a student asking you, you would have thought he would find it funny, but his reaction was quite the opposite. 

"What's the matter with you? It's a _student_ , Severus, why are you so bothered by him? It's not like I said yes to going with him, anyway!"

"I'm not! You seem to be the one that's more bothered by him, since you're talking about him so much!" He bit back, still refusing to look at you.

"Well, I'm not either!"

"Fine then!"

"Fine!" You shouted, before turning away from him too, your emotions at an all-time high. _Why was he so stubborn? If he just admitted that it bothered him, I wouldn't have continued to speak about the boy, but there he goes, never wanting to admit the things he is clearly feeling!_ Sometimes you wondered how much patience you had for him until it ran thin. 

Severus busied himself with the cleaning of his private stores in his room, carefully polishing each bottle as he watched you out of the corner of his eye. You huffed and walked around in annoyance for a while, clearly trying to calm yourself down, before throwing yourself on his armchair in front of the fireplace. He did not want to admit it, especially with how riled up he was then, but the sight of you brooding quietly with the warm orange glow of the fire illuminating your face, made his heart squeeze a little with how cute you looked. Tearing his gaze away when he realised that he had been looking at you for too long and that you had caught his eye, he returned to his potion bottles. 

The man had a brief moment of insecurity when you appeared in your sleeping clothes and headed for the light switch in his room. He had thought that you were leaving to sleep in your own room, and it scared him so much that he nearly swung his legs over the bed and put down the book he was reading to apologise, but when you turned back around after switching off the lights still with a scowl on your face, Severus smiled internally. He watched again as you threw yourself on the bed, pulling the quilt and moving as far away from him as possible while facing the other side, and he fought off the urge to pinch your cheeks as he heard you sigh in annoyance again. 

But then you uttered the words that made him feel horrible for what he had said to you earlier, and for the past few days. "It did feel nice, though, to be wanted, to be asked out by _someone, at least,_ to the ball. As stupid as it sounds, I wanted to be asked by you, but of course you didn't, Sev. "

He immediately shut his book, staring at your back. "I thought it was assumed that we were going together! You never told me you wanted me to ask you!"

"Did I really have to?! I dropped hints everywhere, Severus! You were just too....argh! Forget it, forget I ever said anything!" You pulled up the quilt over your head this time, drowning him out. _It's so ridiculous, that I'm upset over this, over something as childish as this. But was it wrong that I wanted to be like those students, that I wanted for my boyfriend, to at least ask me? Was it wrong that I, as a professor, compared myself to the students and that I'm angry over Severus being too oblivious to ask me out?_

15th December 1994

You awoke the next morning to cold sheets and an empty space beside you. Severus must have headed off to breakfast without you, which you were not surprised by, seeing as how you had lashed out at him the previous night. Still, it stung that he had not even bothered to wake you up, since you were nearly late already. 

Making your way to the Great Hall with the rest of the school, you were suddenly stopped by Valentin, the Beauxbatons boy, again. He looked even more embarrassed than the night before, and you desperately hoped that he would not try to ask you again, and in front of more people this time. As he looked around uneasily, you hurriedly led him to a secluded corner, because if he was going to attempt to ask you again, you did not want to have to reject him in front of everyone. 

"Valentin, like I said, I _can't_ go with you, I'm-" You decided to start before he would even try, but his eyebrows shot up and with the way he fisted his robes, you realised that you had probably misspoken. 

" _Non, non_ , I came to...apologise. I wanted to say that I had made a mistake, and I am sorry!" He blushed bright red, and upon hearing his words, you did too. 

"Oh. _Oh_. Erm...thank you," you awkwardly said, looking everywhere but him. "And I'm sorry too, for uh, jumping the gun."

He laughed at the unfamiliar term, and was just about to ask you what it meant when something behind you made him quickly step back a little. He had obviously been intimidated by the person approaching, but you had no chance to turn to see who it was that had him look so petrified, because in the next second, you felt Severus' right arm wrap around your waist and pulled you forcefully towards his body. You yelped as you nearly fell on him with because of his sheer strength, but at the look of Severus' face, you decided to only scold him on it later. 

"Professor (l/n) is going to the ball with someone else, _Valentin_ , now run along, will you? Find someone else who is not _already taken_ ," Severus growled through gritted teeth, and the boy, although taller than he was, seemed to cower as he turned on his heels as fast as he could, running away from the potions professor. 

Once he was gone, however, you pushed Severus off of you, still slightly annoyed that he had intimidated a student off in that manner. "I don't _need_ you to stand up for me, Severus."

Severus gave himself a few seconds to blink in surprise, before grabbing your hand and leading you past the Great Hall. He said nothing as the both of you walked past a few students staring quizzically, ignoring your pleas for him to let go of your hand, for him to let you have breakfast in peace, for him to stop _bothering_ you. 

"Severus, I really don't have time for this. I'm already late for breakfast and I don't intend to start my first class of the day with an..." The words died in your mouth as the man opened the door to a seemingly old, rundown classroom in a part of the castle that you rarely visited. Inside, however, it was anything but. He had decorated the room to the colours of Slytherin green and Ravenclaw blue, almost like a ballroom, and the ceiling had been enchanted to look like the night sky, full of bright, beautiful stars. In the middle of the room was a table with two chairs facing each other, and all around you, you realised, were the books you had in your room. They were the very same ones that you always read aloud for him while massaging his scalp to help him fall asleep on nights that he felt particularly horrible, except they were floating and each one of them only had one letter reflected on the pages. Entering the room, you took a sharp breath when Severus waved his wand to get them to assemble together and form a question. 

_WILL YOU GO TO THE YULE BALL WITH ME?_

"I'm sorry, for last night. I should have...I should have asked you, should have thought about your feelings, should have _apologised_ earlier for me getting jealous at the boy dancing with you and taking it out on you. So..." Severus moved towards the centre of the room, where the table was located, and you noticed that he had filled it with your favourite breakfast foods, "...Would you come eat with me for a little while before you start teaching me how to dance too? Last night...I didn't dance with you because I was afraid that I was going to step on your toes and look absolutely ridiculous, but I clearly should have. _You looked ethereal, last night, (y/n)_ , and it should have been me that was holding onto you like that, that had my hands all over you, that could look at you, like that. And I want to be able to do that with you at the ball, but first, I have to make sure you are even coming with me. So..."

He looked up expectantly at the words above his head, and you wasted no time enveloping your arms around him and bringing his lips harshly down to yours. Kissing him until he could hardly breathe, you could feel him chuckle against your mouth. 

"Is that a yes, my love?"

You feigned contemplation for a second, before narrowing your eyes at him. "How is it possible that I hate you and love you so much at the same time, you frustratingly intoxicating man?"

"I'll take that as a yes." He pulled out the chair for you, grinning broadly at the look of joy on your face. _I would move mountains for her, just to make her happy._

24th December 1994

"I don't know, Minerva, none of these look like...the one." You crinkled your nose as you picked up one of the selections that you had bought from Diagon Alley, and Minerva sighed as she went to your side again. She had just finished pushing Severus out of your room, ignoring his pleas to watch you pick out the dress robes you liked best and insisting that he only be allowed to see you on Christmas night itself. 

"Well...why don't you try one of them on first? See how they look when they're on your body," she said, picking out her selection as she ordered you to change into it. You were about to hesitate, but the look in her eyes made you close back your mouth and grudgingly head off to change. You were never a fan of big, fancy events and having to dress up so formally, even though you had attended many black tie events as a child, it only proved to you just how much more you disliked them. Making small talk with everyone, having to socialise with strangers you were absolutely sure you were never seeing again, dancing with people you barely knew, was incredibly draining and uninteresting. And even though you had dreamed of dancing with Severus in the Yule Ball, it would not have mattered if he only showed up in his sleeping shirt and pants and dancing with you in a secluded corner where no one could disturb the both of you. You only wanted to be with him. 

At the end of the night, however, neither you nor Minerva could deny that none of the dress robes that you had picked out were convincing. Sighing and blowing a stray hair out of your face, you said, "It's fine, I'll just...not show tomorrow. I don't need to show, right? You have more than enough people to keep a lookout on those horny teenagers."

Minerva looked like you had just offended her ancestors. "(y/n)! You need to be there, don't say these kind of things! And what about _Severus_?"

"Oh, that man does not even enjoy fancy balls like the one tomorrow. I'm sure he'll forgive me if I tell him I'm not in the mood tomorrow, and we'll just spend the whole of Christmas in his room, because really Minerva, I have nothing to wear!"

" _I_ won't forgive you! Look, why don't you try this one on again, and I..." Her words died in her throat as her eyes landed on the final dress that you had picked, only it was thrown haphazardly onto your dresser, you having obviously not given it a second thought. Your eyes followed her line of vision, and upon spotting the dress, you immediately stood up to pack it up, but Minerva was faster than you, and pulled it straight out. "...Oh my." 

She studied the soft lace material lining the design of it, accompanied with the intricate details and small patterns. Then, her hands ran through the garment, and she took a deep breath as she raked her eyes down the elegant neckline and into the corset-styled fitted bodice. The onyx-coloured dress robes looked like something that had come straight out of a Wizard fashion show, and for the life of her, she could not figure out why you had thrown _this_ one aside, when it was clearly the most stunning one. 

"It was my mother's. It was one of the few things that I had kept, from when I moved out of our old home and into my new apartment, actually. My mother has always had a keen eye for these things," you admitted to Minerva's questioning looks. Truth be told, it really was the most gorgeous dress you had, and in any other circumstance, you would have happily twirled around and worn it to every single event, but after everything that has happened recently, you got so upset over it, over being constantly compared to her, that you could not bear wearing another one of her dresses. It was almost like you were trying to impersonate her, holding on to whatever crumbs of herself she had left you to deal with. It used to mean so much to you, but as you pulled it out of your dresser earlier that day, the emotions that overwhelmed you instantly made you discard it and not give it a second consideration. 

"But my dear, this one is the most stunning. Why..." Minerva was still in awe at the design and feel of the material. She had known that your parents were wealthy, but the dress right then seemed to be worth more than what she must have imagined it to be. 

"Because I don't want to be my mother. Everyone's always saying how I look exactly like her, how I remind them of her, and that scares me. I don't think we are one bit similar, and wearing that dress, would only prove everyone else right." You looked away, not wanting to meet the woman's eyes. But right then, she had grabbed the dress, and forcefully shoved it into your arms. 

"Oh, but you are not her, (y/n). We both know that. And you won't turn out like her, of course you won't. To rip out so much of yourself to remind yourself that you are more you than her, to never let yourself enjoy things in fear of how they will turn out, what a waste! You are limiting yourself, in fear of her. Please, learn to enjoy things, to let yourself feel happy, to acknowledge that you are your own person, and that you are not living in her shadow, will you? I don't think you are like her at all, Dumbledore doesn't, and so does Severus, so why should you? So do me a favour, and _try this on_. Afterwards, I don't care if you want to shred this, rip this, or burn it away, but to not give it its time to shine and to keep it under all the piles of your other clothing, you are doing yourself a disservice, dear."

 _Does this woman ever not get what she wants?_ You thought as you picked at the material for a while, before nodding. 

And when you came out to show her, you did not need her excited gasp and cooing to know, really know, that it was the one. Looking at your reflection right then, it seemed that you no longer saw two people struggling to fit into the shell of aonebody, but only a single, confident reflection of yourself. 


	13. The Yule Ball, Part 3

25th December 1994

"Sev, it's not that hard. Come on, let's try again. One step forward, then another one back, and then-ouch!" Severus winced as his forehead knocked into yours again, causing you to get cut off from what you were saying. Truth be told, he was frustrated. He had spent the better part of the entire morning and afternoon practising the dance moves he was supposed to do with you tonight, but it seemed as if all his preparation and practice had gone to naught, with how nervous he was. And he felt bad, because you were so good at dancing, and you were so patient with him, never getting mad when he stepped on your toes or knocked into you or caused you to fall over because of him tripping you. He wanted to do it right, with you, not wanting to embarrass the both of you, but right then, he felt that he should not have even bothered at all. 

But even then, as he reeled from the shock and pain of your foreheads hitting each other, you did not get annoyed or angry. Instead, you laughed softly, and reached out to rub his forehead gently, to ensure that he was alright. His throat went dry, because your first instinct had not even been to scold him or rub your own forehead in pain, but to ensure that _he_ was not hurt. And then you held his hand softly again, leading the other to rest on your waist. Severus had never been more frustrated with himself. 

"I just don't get it, why do I have to take this step," He demonstrated with his foot, "To be able to twirl you around? Can't I just do it while I'm stationary so that I don't trip you?"

"My love, you are treating this like an Arithmancy calculation, like there is a certain formula to follow. There isn't, just do what you think feels right, okay? And relax, even if you mess up later on, you know I could never get mad at you for it, you just look too cute when you do."

He sneered, before waving his hand to start the music again, and began to waltz around the room with you. He had to get it right. He needed to be able to dance with you perfectly. 

After another few hours, you reluctantly let yourself go from him, cursing when your eyes laid on the time. You only had a few hours left to prepare for the ball, and your practice session had run overtime. So, hurriedly rushing out of Severus room and ignoring his second round of pleas to watch you change into your dress robes, you quickly locked the door before he could try to convince you to otherwise with his pleading looks. Sometimes you wondered who was the older, more mature one between the both of you, really. Turning to the dress laid out on your bed, you got right to work. 

Right on time, as you fixed the finishing touches to your hair and put on your earrings, you headed out, seeing Severus at the end of the dungeons hallway. He was fixing his dress robes nervously, smoothing it over and over again as he tried to convince himself that he looked fine, that he looked decent, for you. But your heart tugged at the sight of him, for he looked _so handsome_ , with his hair slightly slicked back and his dress robes matching with yours, that you had to control yourself from gushing like a schoolgirl when you approached him. 

When Severus saw you, however, his jaw had quite literally dropped to the floor. His eyes raked over you, from the way your hair was styled a little fancier than usual, as your mother had taught you how, to the way little details on the accessories you had on, and finally, to how the dress had fitted you so perfectly. The soft, black lace reminded him of a similar garment that he had torn off of your body countless times, and he tried to control himself as the sight of you in the elegant, black dress that complemented your skin colour perfectly. There was a distinct feeling of stirring in his lower regions, and Severus fought off the urge to slam you against the wall and kiss you senseless right then and there. 

He wanted to speak first, but then his eyes laid on the finishing piece, and he nearly passed out. You were wearing the locket he had gifted you, which had turned out to be the most prized possession you owned, proudly and prominently. His stomach flipped and his mouth had gone dry all over again as his emotions overwhelmed him. 

Severus' silence slightly worried you. _Does he think I look ugly in this? Does he think that I could have done better? That he could have done better?_ Unconsciously, you spoke first. "Do you think I look alright? I mean, I know my hair is going to get a little messy as we dance later on, and I haven't got the best sense of—"

You did not even get to finish before his arms had pulled you closer to him, kissing you forcefully. Severus pinned you against the wall, leaving wide, open-mouthed kisses on your exposed neck and particularly around the locket. He could not believe that you thought you looked anything less than captivating for him, and it was getting harder and harder to control himself from scooping you in his arms and carrying you straight to his room to forget about the ball altogether. His teeth grazing at the base of your throat, he was about to bite it harshly when a soft tug in his hair made him look up at you. 

"Sev," you warned, and he groaned as he complied, even though he was deeply unhappy that he could not leave marks on you right then. 

"I can't believe I almost did not ask you to the ball, let that Beauxbatons boy see you like this, have you like this. You, you are breathtaking my love, and I could have you right here, right now. Merlin, I love you." He returned to your lips, and an amused grin decorated them as his hand travelled slowly up the slit in your dress. He was approaching dangerous waters, and you knew you had to put a stop to it before he got carried away. So summoning all your willpower, you pulled his hand away from between your legs, getting him to focus on your face. 

"We'll be late, Sev. And, not here, alright?" You reminded him, as you led him slowly to the Great Hall, his lips still latched onto your neck and his arms around you, only letting you go when the first student appeared in his line of vision.

Severus could hardly control himself from letting his eyes drift to you every so often during dinner, it seemed. You had to give him particularly hard nudges at times to get him to stop staring at you, much to the amusement of Minerva, who had been sitting beside you and noticing everything. She was awfully proud of you for wearing the dress, pointing out to you its effect on Severus and seemingly every other boy from Beauxbatons and Durmstrang as they stared at you walk in with the potions professor. You thanked her quietly, your face flushing red when you looked around and noticed she was right. Every so often, a finger would be pointed towards you, and you tried hard to ignore the chatter that came from an older boys' table as they all turned to gape at you. 

At the end of dinner, however, was when Severus' nerves started to return. He had been in a sort of dreamlike state, all through dinner with you, that to have to suddenly face the reality of having to dance was incredibly jarring for him. But as the music started and you looked encouragingly at him, Severus swallowed his fears and extended his hand to dance with you. Luckily, you picked out a rather quiet corner, away from the students and the rest of the staff, to ease a little of his worries as the both of you swayed to the music. But you did not need to, really, for Severus had slowly grown more confident, and his dancing had been so perfect that you could not help but compliment his moves as he twirled you, allowed you to rest your head against his chest, and swayed along with you. Smiling up at him, you swore that there had never been a more perfect moment than when your eyes locked onto each other as the world faded away, the music in the background dying off, and all that mattered then, was him. You knew that you had made the right decision, the other night, as he smiled at you and sent your heart into somersaults.

"Alright, I think a break is well-deserved, don't you think? Let's head outside for some fresh air, Sev," you said after the band had finished another one of their songs, and Severus nodded. You told him to head out first, so that you could grab drinks for the both of you. His eyes studied the crowd for a moment, before deciding it was safe, and pecking you on the cheek quickly before he left. 

Laughing as Cedric and Cho had told you more about how they were stepping on each other's toes all throughout the dance despite your classes, you poured the drinks from the high table before bidding farewell to them, and heading out into the Hogwarts grounds to find Severus. Clutching the Butterbeers tightly, you took in a deep breath as the cool air filled your lungs and took you away from the frenzied, noisy atmosphere inside the castle. Outside, it was awfully quiet, aside from the few students who had sneaked out and were walking around as well, and you were about to look around for Severus when a hand took one of the Butterbeers from you. 

"You seem to be having a good night," Moody's voice interrupted the quiet, and your little happiness bubble seemed to pop when he showed. He began walking, and you followed along. 

"I was, until you showed, Moody." 

"I see you have sorted out your priorities. Love over Harry Potter's purpose, am I right?" You bit back the insult you were going to throw at him. But truth be told, part of your plan still involved Harry, and you were not going to disclose anything to him until it was time, and you hoped you could survive until then, because if anyone knew of what you were going to do, anyone would deny that you were more likely to survive challenging The Dark Lord to a duel than whatever it was your plan involved to save both the boy and Severus. 

Nodding slowly, you were careful to avoid his looks. He continued. "The Dark Lord, he is going to call upon you very soon. Will you be ready, when the time comes?"

"What choice do I have?"

"I am _on your side_ , (y/n). I was simply checking up on you," Moody spat. 

"Yeah, you pulled me to your side by force. Hardly seems like we are on the same page."

You and Moody finally met Severus, right in front of the Beauxbatons carriages, only he was not alone. Karkaroff stood next to him, looking incredibly concerned, and you instantly knew what they had been discussing. Severus' face twisted into one of disgust and anger when he saw Moody beside you, and Karkaroff nearly fled at the sight of the man. _If only he knew. If only they all knew, that we are all connected to The Dark Lord, someway, somehow._

"It was nice, talking to you, Professor Moody." You managed as best as you could, before taking Severus' hand in yours and leading him away before Moody or Karkaroff could say anymore. You were not looking for your night to be ruined by either of them. Moody grunted behind you, focusing his attention on the Durmstrang Headmaster then as you handed Severus your Butterbeer, him taking large swigs of it. 

The both of you sat at a rather deserted bench, away from frolicking students and wandering ears, before Severus finally began to relax. His hand on your thigh, he looked out into the giant lake, storms dancing behind his eyes. 

"What did you and Karkaroff talk about?" You asked as he passed the bottle for you to take a swig. 

"The usual. "

"Oh." You could tell he did not want to touch on it tonight, and you laid your head on his shoulder, enjoying the silence for a while. 

"What about you? What did you and Moody talk about?"

"The usual."

As the both of you walked back to Severus' quarters later that night, after the festivities had died down and Severus' wandering hands had managed to convince you to turn in for the night, you giggled as you felt his hot breath against your neck with every step you took. 

"Sev! Have you become addicted to this dress, or something?" You joked as he unlocked the door to his room, his hands never once leaving your body. In response, he only picked you up in one swift movement, throwing you on the bed as you laughed again. Hurriedly taking off the outer part of his dress robes, he joined you soon after as you sat up to meet him halfway. You thought nothing of it at first, but when he threw you onto the bed like that, it reminded you of a faint, distant memory, one that you had spent the better part of the year trying to get off your mind. _It didn't even happen in this room, get over it, get over yourself_ , you tried to think, but it seemed almost as if the warning sounds rang louder in your head the moment Severus tried to take off your dress and began to bite your skin.

Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind as hard as you could, you tried to smile at him when he paused for a moment to look at you, his eyes filled with lust and his face sporting a red glow. Threading your fingers through his hair, you shut your own eyes as he moved to tear the skin on your neck between his teeth, the memory of _it_ clouding your thoughts. _The last time this happened, in this way, like this, I lost everything. I..._

"Wait! Sev, stop! Stop, stop, stop, please!" Severus' lips immediately lifted off from your skin, his face etched in worry as he looked up at you again. You had tears in your eyes. He sat up in horror, as his hands tore away from the dress that he had pulled halfway to your stomach, exposing only the top half of your body. _Merlin, did I hurt her?_

"What's wrong, my love, what happened? Did I do something? Oh, I didn't hurt you, did I?" Severus thought he definitely did, with the bite he left on you now red and trickling droplets of blood, but it had never bothered you before. So why now? You confirmed it was not him either, shaking your head, trying to wipe the tears off your eyes. _Stupid, stupid, I ruined my night with him just because I can't control my emotions!_

Breathing deeply, you looked up at him again. "I-it's nothing. I was just...never mind, please continue, Sev."

Instead, he got off of you entirely, kneeling on the bed beside you. You whined, and tried to pull him in again so that at least one of you could enjoy tonight, but he was insistent, and pulled you up to sit facing him then. "I'm not going to continue, because it's clearly not _nothing_. Tell me, (y/n)." 

Your eyes met his, and he saw the vulnerability, the apprehension, and the fear behind them, and his heart cracked at the thought that had you not stopped him, he would have continued to listen to his own body and spend the rest of the night in pleasure while you suffered. Holding your hand in his, he encouraged you softly to speak. Sighing, you said quietly, "The last time we did this, did any of this...I got pregnant. And then _we lost her_."

Severus' head cleared, the lust that riddled at the back of his mind finally gone. Now, it was replaced with a feeling of longing, of heartbreak, rather. _Alana,_ the name he had given to his unborn daughter ringing in his mind. "Oh."

It was true, the last time that the both of you had been this excited, things got out of hand, and Severus did not blame you if the event had caused you significant trauma. Merlin knows it took him so long to accept the fact that he, too, had lost her, and he always knew that you took it way harder than he did. Only now, had he realised the extent of how much it affected you. Severus thought that you had always hid your feelings so well, hiding your pain, your sorrow, that to have it affect you in such a drastic way like this, was saying a lot about the intensity of what you were feeling. Looking at your intertwined hands for a moment, he berated himself for not thinking about how you would have felt, and he brought them up to his lips to kiss them gently. 

"I'm sorry, for ruining your night, Sev. I...I can still help you..." You looked down to his pants, "...If you want. We don't have to stop entirely."

"No, we do. I should be the one that's sorry. I...didn't realise, how this brought back traumatic memories for you. I should have stopped earlier, should have read your signs, I'm sorry."

You laid your head on his shoulder, suddenly very grateful that he was with you, and that he was there for you through it all. You would not know how you would have survived the past year without him, and you were still so thankful that he _understood_ , that he did not mock your insecurities and fears over doing it again. 

Severus then helped you out of your dress slowly, and giving you the space you needed to wash up and change into more comfortable clothing, he hoped that he had at least done things right, and to the best he could. After the both of you were in your sleepwear, he still refused your offer on helping him relieve himself for a second time, instead wrapping his arms protectively around you to warm you up in the freezing temperature of the dungeons. Kissing the crown of your hair as he mumbled sweet nothings in your ear, he assured you that you had no right to feel bad for stopping whatever it was from happening, and that he could never be angry at you for it. 

"(y/n)," he said after a while, your head against his chest, listening to the sound of his heartbeat. 

"Yes?"

"You might not remember, but," Severus watched the clock strike past midnight, indicating that it was officially Boxing Day, "We slept together, for the first time, on this day, three years ago."

"I remember." 

"I never told you, but...you were my first."

"First what? First time having a drunken kiss, a one night stand, Severus?" You laughed against his chest, but when he said nothing, the laughter died in your throat. _Oh._ You mentally slapped yourself. _I was his first time_.

Immediately jolting up to a sitting position, you stared at him incredulously. _How could he not tell me then? How could he let me...How could he give it away like that! We were both drunk, tired, and that night definitely was not romantic! He, he-_ "Sev! How could you?!"

He seemed taken aback that you had such a strong reaction to it. He would have thought that you would not regard it as anything serious, only a passing thought, but with the way your eyebrows seemed to scrunch and your eyes carrying offence, it would appear that you seemed quite angry with him. "How could I what?"

"You...you didn't tell me, that night! That it was your first time! It was...I would've made it _so much more special_ , Severus. I would've taken control, let you feel loved, let you feel what it was supposed to feel like with someone that _loves_ you, not let you experience it while you were drunk and horny!" 

"It _was_ special, always is, because it's with you." Severus was getting embarrassed that you had continued the discussion on it. It was always an insecurity of his, something he had never been proud of, so telling you that required a lot of trust from his side. 

"Oh, Sev..." You dropped back down to the bed, caressing his face. "...I'm sorry. I'm so, so sorry that I..."

"Stop it. I enjoyed it, I loved it, and you don't have to feel guilty about it. It's not like you were bad or anything, you were everything I thought it would be like. And it was me who trusted you, wasn't it? It was my part in it as well."

"But you shouldn't have given it to me, at that time! It was something special, and you...you gave it away like it was something meaningless to a drunken me who was unaware that I was taking your virginity then!" He only continued to hold you, saying nothing. It was almost as if you valued it more than he did, when in reality, he had never given it a second thought, and like most things about himself, he never felt it was really worth anything anyway. So to have you saying it out in that manner, meant more to him than anything. You valued him, you cherished him, and he should have seen it sooner. 

"It's alright. It's over already, isn't it, my love? And I have you now, here, beside me, so it really wasn't wasted, wasn't it? If anything, _I_ thought it couldn't have gone more perfectly, you know. Don't worry about it, you can make it up to me next time, alright?" He winked, and you rolled your eyes, before slapping him across the chest. 

"I hate you."

"And I love you too."


	14. The Stairwell Incident

3rd January 1995

It was the first day of the new term, but you were already slightly pissed as you slammed another copy of the _Daily Prophet_ down onto the high table, scaring off Flitwick in the process. That wretched reporter, Rita Skeeter, had once again published another _bullshit_ article of hers, this time, a scathing piece on Hagrid, and you felt your blood boil as you skimmed through the words. 

"Half-giant, so what's it matter to her, anyway? She's probably half-bug, with how irritating she is!" Dumbledore smirked beside you as you ranted. You were still not talking to him, but he had already seemed to forgive you, extending his warmest welcomes to you whenever he passed by you in the hallways, and inviting you to sit next to him at meals and if the occasion permitted, he would invite you to his office for tea as well. So far, you had never said yes, afraid of the awkwardness that would ensue between the both of you. You wondered if what The Dark Lord had said to you in the Pensieve was true, that he was still trying to recruit you onto his side, and you wondered even further if he knew. If he already knew that The Dark Lord had gotten to you first. Would he try to change you? Make you switch sides? Or perhaps have you work for him as well? Or would he let you go, let you die in The Dark Lord's hands, since you were a lost cause, just like Tom Riddle was? You shuddered at the last thought, your eyes burning holes through the discarded newspaper. 

"Has she gotten a scoop on you?" Dumbledore asked, sipping from his goblet. 

"She approached me a few days ago, wanted to ask me a few questions, but I refused. She thinks I don't remember her from my Quidditch days, sneaking around our changing rooms and the events we attend during Quidditch season, trying to find some dirt on us. We absolutely hated her." Though, you could say that the Hogwarts students and staff affected through her articles were sharing the same sentiment as you did right then. 

"Strange, I have banned her from entering Hogwarts grounds, and yet..." Dumbledore picked up the paper, frowning as he read the piece on Hagrid. 

"There are just some things that would take you too long to find out, Dumbledore. And when you do, you may find that you had only realised it too late," Moody cut in, and averted the Headmaster's questioning look as his eyes shifted to you. You quickly looked away from the both of them. 

17th January 1995

Halfway through January, Harry approached you again in the middle of the night, under the guise of his Invisibility Cloak. You were in your office, alone, drafting out a few parts of the plan when the knock nearly jolted you out of your seat. As you opened the door, the rush of wind that passed you was a clear indication of who it was. Sighing, you left it open, before moving to your desk to keep the papers sprawled across it so that Harry could not read them. 

"Go back to your dormitory, Harry. It's past midnight."

"I brought my dragon egg with me, could you help?" He took off his cloak, showing it to you. You looked him over, he was already taller than you, and the long, unkempt hair of his made your hands itch to ruffle through them like a mother would. You decided it was unfair, to keep him in the dark for so long, wondering what he had done to warrant for your closed off demeanour so suddenly when you used to treat him just like a son. 

"Harry, please sit." 

Still clutching the egg, he was about to open it to show you what he meant, when you stood in front of him, your expression solemn. "I cannot possibly keep talking to you like this. I cannot meet up with you for our weekly sessions like we have done so many times in the past, or advise you on the things happening in your life that I often did. You're growing, changing, Harry, and I cannot be there to hold your hand through every aspect of your life, it's...it's impossible for me to do so."

"Why? Why now, of all times, I mean?" His voice was soft, insecure. 

"There are things that are stopping me from doing so, stopping me from caring for you. If you knew...no, you will never know, but...just know that what I am doing, what Dumbledore is doing, what everyone is doing for you, is for your own good. I will care for you and I will watch over you, always, but I cannot keep doing this, whatever this is. You have been too reliant on me, and perhaps one of the biggest mistakes I made was to allow you to rely on me and treat me like I am more than your professor ever since your first year. You need to find yourself, trust yourself, and stop leaning on me to tell you everything that you need to do, Harry. The egg, I cannot help you with, I can nudge you and give you as many hints as you want, but it would not do you any good. _You need to be able to take care of yourself, starting now._ From today onwards, Harry, please, don't come to my office anymore unless you want to discuss your schoolwork." 

You had never seen heartbreak and betrayal more clearly in a fourteen year old's eyes. The very person he had thought of as his mother figure, had literally just told him that she did not want him anymore. Anyone would have reacted the way he did, and you could not blame him, even as he ran away from your office with tears in his eyes that he did not bother to hide anymore, and shouts of frustration and rage at you as he rejected your help in trying to wipe his tears. Once again, the boy felt like he was all alone, much like how he felt in Privet Drive, where the only adults around him were ones he could neither trust or grow to love. He had thought that in Hogwarts, at least he had you, he used to have Remus, and then Sirius, but Sirius was not around as often as _you_ were, and now you were gone too. He had been having a particularly crappy day, and all he wanted was to curl up in your armchair with his egg and tell you all about his day as you made him tea and cut a slice of cake for him, but of course now, that had been stripped away from him too. He had lost you, and the attachment he had grown to you since his first year was making things a million times more difficult for him to accept that you did not wish to see him anymore, that you appeared as if you did not care for him anymore. Now, he was going to have to tackle the rest of the Triwizard Tournament tasks all alone, deal with his demons alone, and go through everything that he did not know he had the strength for, alone. 

_It's for his own good,_ you kept repeating yourself, finding it hard to believe even as you heard it over and over again.

To make things even worse for the boy, Cedric was waiting outside of your door as he left, ready to practise his spells again with you for the week. 

20th January 1995

"And then what did he do?" Severus asked, his head laying across your stomach as he stared up at you lovingly. 

"Well, the book says that he trapped the ghoul with a tea-strainer, but..." You turned to the cover of one of Gilderoy Lockhart's books, the man now a distant memory for you and Severus. "...We both know that's not true."

Severus chuckled against your body, before gently taking the book from your arms and discarding it away from the both of you. You were helping him to clear away some of his items, and spotting one of the books Lockhart had forcibly given to him during his time at Hogwarts, you decided to pick it as the book you would read to him before bed, a routine the two of you would do when some nights became particularly difficult for Severus to sleep soundly. Just being able to hear your voice, feel the rise and fall of your chest as you breathed, and having his head laying either on your lap or on your stomach, gave Severus all the comfort he needed to rest for the night. 

He moved up to settle beside you, kissing you softly on the lips before holding you in his arms. Muttering a _goodnight_ to you after your usual small talk, he was ready to fall asleep to the sound of your breathing, when a loud _CRASH_ rang loudly through the dungeons, followed by an ear-splitting wail, the sound familiar to a mermaid's voice above water. You instantly knew that it had come from the egg of a school Champion. You sincerely hoped that it had not been one of the Hogwarts students' ones, since the look on Severus' face was murderous, him obviously not being too happy that he had been interrupted by a misdemeanour at this time of the night. Groaning loudly, Severus' hands lifted away from your body as he began to sit up. You knew it was the last thing he wanted to do, leaving the bed, since it was the last thing you wanted to do as well, but seeing that the both of you were teachers, and that the sound clearly came from somewhere near the dungeons, you both had to go and investigate which student had caused such a ruckus at such an ungodly hour, not to mention the points that they were risking to lose for breaking curfew rules as well. 

"It's alright, I'll go. You stay here, you haven't been able to sleep in ages." You tried to convince Severus, but it was of no use, since he was already wide awake and putting on the signature terrifying scowl he had on whenever he had to deal with misbehaving students. You had told him often to be nicer to the students, but right then, with how the both of you were interrupted, and how it was already so late in the night, you could not blame him for wanting to absolutely chew out whoever had nearly woken up the whole castle with their noise. 

But as the both of you walked past Severus' office to get to the stairs, Severus could be heard taking a sharp inhale as he studied the door of it, which was left ajar. Severus never failed to lock it, even you knew, so someone must have broken in. The torches inside were lit, and you hurriedly told him to check for what had happened inside while you proceeded to head to the wailing sound. Parting ways, you moved up a flight of stairs to follow the wailing, when it stopped as you arrived at a stairwell where Filch was holding on to the dragon egg that had recently been shut. 

He took a moment to register that you were not a student, before swallowing his nasty remarks he had wanted to make at you and showing you the egg in his arms instead. He attributed it to Peeves the Poltergeist, but you knew that Peeves was nowhere near where the both of you were, because you had just passed him on his way to the Gryffindor tower as you walked to the stairwell. You took the egg from his hands, holding it safe in your arms as your eyes searched for any sign of who would have caused the noise. Severus arrived shortly after, and upon seeing Filch, he too, wanted to find out what was going on. 

"I know he couldn't, Filch!" He snapped as Filch tried to convince him that it was Peeves again that had been up to no good. "I seal my office with a spell none but a wizard could break!" 

Hearing them argue back and forth about Severus trying to get Filch to come look for the intruder in his office with him, your eyes were suddenly entranced with a distant shadow on the stairs. Filch must have missed it, no doubt he would have, for it was faint, and fleeting, that only if you stared hard at it long enough, you would notice it. It was the shadow of someone hidden under an Invisibility Cloak. Cursing internally, you began making your way down the stairs to prove your point right. You softly kicked where should have been empty space beside you with your left foot, wincing when you felt the figure of Harry Potter underneath. _I really wish I hadn't been right._

Protectively standing over the space where Harry was, you waited for Severus to finish arguing with Filch about the poltergeist. They went back and forth, and you wondered for a moment if Filch had it out more for that ghost than he did for the students, because honestly, in your time as a student at Hogwarts, the man had not changed one bit. He was downright nasty, and he was one of the few exceptions in which you could not see why Dumbledore had done things in his way; surely there were more capable candidates than him? Then for a second, you felt the Cloak shift behind you, and you gave it another kick to warn Harry not to move. He seemed to understand, got the hint that you were trying to protect him from Severus spotting him, and remained still. 

"Sev, let's just go-" You were about to ask Severus to return to his room, that you would help him search his office instead of Filch, when a familiar clunking of wood against the stone floor rang out throughout the stairwell. Groaning internally, you turned to see none other than Moody, in his usual travelling cloak above his nightshirt. 

"Pyjama party, is it?" He growled up the stairs, the corners of his lips lifting when he saw you. Filch looked excited, immediately explaining the story again to try to get Moody on his side, but when he came to the part where Severus found his office broken into, he jumped at you and Severus hissing at him to shut up. Severus must have had his reasons for doing so, but yours were very clear why you had wanted him not to leak that information to Moody. The man took another step forward, and you knew his magical eye had made direct eye contact with Harry, and you instinctively stood even nearer to the boy to shield him from view. He gave you a look, before accusing Severus of something else entirely. 

_Of course it comes back to this, it always does._ Moody and Severus were talking about Severus' Death Eater past, and you had to grip your knuckles tightly to make sure that you did not do anything rash, not with an audience of Filch and Harry around. Hearing the man accuse Severus of a leopard never changing its spots all over again, you were just about to send him a sharp reply when _it happened_. 

Severus' left hand immediately convulsed, no doubt where the Dark Mark was, and you could hear him seethe in pain at the back. You were facing away from him, thankfully, because he did not have the opportunity to see that you had gripped the staircase railing tightly with your left hand, your right arm clutched over your abdomen. It was stinging, the pain, almost like a serpent sinking its fangs into the cut, injecting venom through your bloodstream. You winced, trying as hard as you could not to let out any sound to indicate to Severus that you were hurt, but the satisfied look on Moody's face nearly made you want to reach over to him to expose him altogether. But you could not, not with Harry right underneath you. He probably saw what was happening, but of course, he could not comprehend anything, and you hoped it would stay that way. 

"You dropped something, by the way," Moody walked up the steps towards you, his eyes fixated on something on the floor. _The Marauders' Map._ Severus seemed to realise it at the same time as you did, but Harry must have signalled to Moody what it was too, because before the potions professor could reach out for it, Moody had summoned it towards him instantly. "My mistake, it's mine."

"Potter." Severus immediately set out to find Harry, and you knew it was now or never. You could not risk Harry getting caught by him, now, of all times. So swallowing the pain, you turned to him, preventing him from coming any closer.

"Sev, it's not him, it's not him." You clutched his face in your hands, trying to get him to look at you and stop moving. He did not seem convinced, and you had a flash of fear in your eyes. "Severus, I'm tired, you're tired, let's just go to bed, alright? We'll figure this out tomorrow, we'll find whoever it is tomorrow, but not now, okay? Please, just take me back to your room, Sev, I'm so _tired_."

Severus could never said no to you, it was apparent, because right then, his concern for you overrode his instinct to find the boy, and taking one last glance around the place, he sighed. If he were to go any further, Moody would be able to pin the interest of Harry on him as him trying to pull off something else, and you were not risking Severus taking the brunt of the fall for Moody at all. You had to get him away from that man, at all costs. 

However, Moody had other plans. He insisted you stayed for a while, as he had some _lesson plans_ he wanted to discuss, but you knew otherwise. Severus growled at him, but just as you thought, the threat of Moody exposing his Death Eater past in front of Filch and Harry and another threat of him reporting what happened to Dumbledore was enough for the man to give in. You promised him you would not be long, before kissing him softly on the cheek as a reassurance. _If anything happens, I love you._

Turning towards Moody again, he quickly dismissed Filch too, leaving the three of you as the only ones in the stairwell. 

"You can come out now, Harry, it's only the both of us here who know about you hiding underneath that Cloak."


	15. Near Misses

20th January 1995

Harry reluctantly took off his Cloak then, his eyes uncertainly meeting yours. He could not understand why you appeared so terrified, when it was just you, Moody and him. Little did he know the thoughts racing through your mind were in fear, in worry, of what Moody was going to do to him. He could kill Harry right then, of course, and you could do nothing about it if he was going to kill you or Severus next. 

"What is this thing?" Moody unfolded the map, and the implications for him being able to have it in his possessions struck fear in your heart. He would know, he would know too much. 

"Map of-"

"That map's mine, actually. I leant it to the boy to find what to do...with his egg. If you could just give it back," You outstretched your hand towards Moody, but he refused, reeling in amazement as he studied it. Harry gave you a weird look, but a kick to his knee had told him to stay quiet. "Moody!"

"I don't find lies very attractive, Professor (l/n). You are pretty on the outside, but on the inside..." Moody gave you a confident smirk, and took one step back, as if challenging you right in front of _Harry Potter_ , and you nearly took the bait for it. You were just about to grab his collar when Harry groaned under you, and realising he was still stuck, you lifted him from under his arms while still glaring at Moody. The man in front of you questioned if he had seen who had broken into Severus' office, and when he mentioned it was Bartemius Crouch, even the name pulled you out of your anger for Moody for a brief second, where you looked equally as puzzled as the boy then. Moody, however, looked quite alarmed, but he dismissed it quickly. 

"Give me the map, Professor Moody." You tried again, but this time Moody did not seem to be in such a good mood, perhaps due to the fact that the map could expose anyone, anywhere, and he would hate to see it happen to him. So he sent you a sharp glare, and right at that moment, the scar in your abdomen burned again, sending you to lean over the railing, hissing in pain. Harry's eyes widened, the sight of you shutting your eyes in agony and Moody feigning concern incredibly bizarre for him. 

"Feeling alright, Professor? I reckon you should rest for the night, first, before trying to recover your map from me tomorrow morning." Moody's hand touched your shoulder, and if possible, the pain seared even hotter, making you nearly keel over. Luckily, Harry backed away for a moment, not wanting to interrupt. 

"Go...to...bed...Harry," you managed to croak, because if anything were to happen to you, you did not want him to witness it. Moody appeared to share the same sentiment, and the boy hurriedly left, the egg clutched in his hands and his heart in his mouth. You knew he was going to approach you again the next day to question you on what happened, on why you were insistent to have his map, on why Moody seemed to be able to hurt you, but for now, all you could do was focus on the scar sending jolts of pain throughout your system.

"What the hell were you trying to do? Pulling that off...in front of the boy?" Moody seemed to revel in your anguish as you spoke, before he waved the map tauntingly in front of you. 

"Because you are smart, and you know what this map can do for me, for The Dark Lord. And as a warning, my girl, you may have done it instinctively, but you were _protecting_ the boy, and being a hindrance towards me. We may be on the same side, but you and I are always going to be different. I have to watch over you, make sure you don't step out of line. Truth be told, your scar is quite different from Snape's. Because it was _I_ who brought you to The Dark Lord, I have become sort of your...middleman, between you and him. He has kindly given me the power to control you, to burn you through that scar, as I see fit. But you should be lucky you have me, (y/n), because I am the only thing stopping him from having full control of you, your mind, and your body right now. If I die, you will know pain like no other, with what he can do to you. Surely someone as strong as you, who can fight off an Imperius Curse so well, would know the extents of what The Dark Lord will want to do with you? _The day he is going to ask to meet you draws nearer and nearer, my dear._

"You nearly exposed Severus and I to Harry!" 

Moody shrugged. "I was simply giving you a taste of what is to come. Everything will come together during the final task, you must know that, because you are going to _help me_ , (y/n). Make sure the boy gets through his tasks smoothly, and we won't have another incident like tonight, do you understand? Surely it must have been a sobering reminder, seeing Severus convulse in pain behind you like that, you don't want him to go through that ever again for your sake, don't you?" 

You lunged for him, but he did not even need to do anything as he smiled again, sending another fresh surge of pain tearing through your body.

23rd February 1995

"You want to do _what_ to the hostages?" You yelled loudly in the staffroom, causing Dumbledore to wince a little as he explained what had been planned for the second task. 

"Now I know it is rather disturbing, what we are going to do, but I can assure you that it is safe, and-" Dumbledore began to speak, but Minerva held her hand up. 

"Are you sure, Dumbledore? Submerging them in water, for that long? What if the spell breaks?" 

"I am _absolutely sure_ that they will be safe, Minerva. I have discussed it with the underwater judges as well, and we have come to an agreement that the hostages will stand no chance in getting hurt at all."

Dumbledore's words did little to calm your worries, even as he assured you over and over again that Cho Chang was going to be safe, along with the other hostages that you cared about, of course. But primarily, your mind ran over what you would do to that man if Cho got injured even without participating in the Tournament. Your feet carried you to the Ravenclaw tower even before you realised it, and the girl immediately noticed your grim appearance as you called her out of her dormitory that night. _Why, of all people, did she have to date Cedric?_

"Remember, if you feel uncomfortable in the slightest bit-"

"I would tell you, first thing, yes, Professor." Cho finished off your words for the umpteenth time as the both of you walked into the Headmaster's office. She joked that you were apparently more worried than her for the task, and Minerva caught you giving her a light shove as she trailed behind with Ron and Hermione, who looked as confused as Cho did before you told her.

24th February 1995

The next morning, as the Champions gathered around the judges' table, you saw Harry straggling and suddenly sprinting forward to meet with the rest of his opponents. The boy was late, which was quite uncanny for him, but you could hardly pay them any attention with Moody sitting right beside you. He had made sure the two of you sat as far away from everyone as possible, saying it was needed for how he planned to carry out the final part of his plan. 

"Do you know what a Portkey is, (y/n)?" Moody asked as you watched the Champions began to plunge into the water. Harry had figured out his egg, after all, making clever use of Gillyweed. 

"Do you take me for a dunderhead, Moody?"

He chuckled. "I should have figured, Dumbledore did tell me you were very much like The Dark Lord himself, in almost every aspect. You achieved 'Outstanding' in every single one of your exams, didn't you? Wasted your chance at being an Auror to join that Quidditch team, really." 

He noticed you fist your robes harder. "I didn't want to end up like _them_. I didn't know..."

"...That Dumbledore had kept _that_ secret from you. But now you do, and you should take full responsibility for joining our side, my girl. You may not have joined it with the most willing heart, but The Dark Lord has his reasons for choosing you, seeing you. He recognises your potential and trusts that your strength in wisdom and reason will help you to _see_ , as well. I trust that you are ready to serve him when the time comes? No matter what, him over Dumbledore?"

You took a long time to answer, not meeting his eyes. Yes, you had made that decision a little while ago, but to have to say it out, that you were betraying Dumbledore for _Voldemort_ , felt almost unreal. "Yes. On the condition that he does not touch Severus Snape. " 

"You know The Dark Lord always keeps his promises, but only if you keep yours. So are you ready to listen to my plan for the boy?"

You nodded slowly, your gaze never leaving the water on the surface of the lake. 

Krum came out first, bringing out Hermione Granger, then Fleur Delacour, who appeared quite distraught, and you realised that she was not holding her sister in her arms. She had failed the task. A little while later, Cedric came, but your mind was racing at the thoughts of Harry's whereabouts. _Was he safe? Did he find Ron, his hostage? Did he manage to get his friend out?_ Cedric had exceeded the time limit as he brought Cho up, giving you a temporary relief that at least your Ravenclaw Seeker was okay, but when Harry still had not come up ten minutes later, Moody clucked his tongue as he saw you worry. 

He was just about to tell you something else, something along the lines of how inappropriate it was that you were still caring about the boy when you very well knew what was going to happen to him, when Harry's cold, wet head emerged from the surface of the water. You heaved a huge sigh of relief as he swam, dragging Ron and Fleur's sister still, and as Madam Pomfrey attended to him while the judges discussed the scores. Jumping to your feet as you watched from the sidelines him talking to Hermione and Ron, you fought with all your might, the urge to run to Dumbledore and tell him right then and there what Moody had just revealed to you moments prior. _How could I possibly be doing this, any of this?_

But soon enough, Moody had appeared behind you again, one hand on your shoulder as he smiled proudly down at the scene.

3rd March 1995

March rolled around and the weather got a little warmer, which meant that you did not have the excuse to convince Severus to stay in bed longer with you for his body warmth anymore. You frowned as you watched him get ready for work, wearing the robes that you had gotten him a few years prior. He had a few other sets, but yours seemed to be his favourite, and the one he wore most often. Only now, after years of constant usage, it would make sense that it had grown a little worn and the colour a little faded. 

"You need a new set of robes," you pointed out as he fixed his hair. He seemed to ignore you for a moment, as if what you said was simply a passing thought that he did not need to consider. 

"No, I don't."

"Yes, you do. I'll remember to get you new ones the next time I visit Twilfitt and Tattings." You got up from the bed to head into the shower, however, Severus seemed slightly annoyed at your last words. 

"You just bought me new socks last week, and a brand new cauldron a few weeks before that."

"You needed new ones, I was happy to get them for you." You shrugged, not seeing why he was pointing it out when even you did not remember making all these purchases yourself. But it seemed to cause his eyebrows to furrow and piss him off even more. 

"You are not _understanding me_. You spend too much money on me, and I don't like it."

Perhaps you would never understand, but the things Severus went through in his childhood, the things he had to endure, the things he never got to experience, often revolved his family's money, or lack thereof. He grew up incredibly poor, while you, he had always known your family was one of the wealthiest pureblood families in the country, so he figured you would not understand. You would not understand why even as he grew older, he was always thrifty, he rarely ever spent money on things for himself, and why he seemed to hold onto things way longer than they were intended to be used for. His own bullies were like you, James Potter and Sirius Black came from privileged, wealthy families who never had to worry about when they could purchase their next brooms or school supplies because they could just buy them anytime they wanted to, who never had to worry about anyone below them, who blatantly used this privilege and power that they revered from the other students, over Severus. In some way, he did see traces of them in you, the way you would spend money quite carelessly on the things you wanted to get for him, or when you bought Harry that Nimbus Two Thousand in his first year, or when you would voluntarily pay for the things Severus spent on whenever the both of you went out on dates. It was quite jarring to the way he was used to spending his own money, of course. Growing up in a rather conservative and traditional household with an abusive father, Severus had always thought that the man in the family had to be the one to spend for his wife, something his father never could have done for his mother, but in his first and only relationship with you, he felt ashamed that he could not have done that as well. Did it remind him of his father? Was he going to turn out just like him, when the both of you were married and settled down? Would he only show the ugly side of himself only in the later parts of your relationship? These were the thoughts that raced through his mind as he stared at you, even as you studied him, looking for a sign on why he seemed so adamant in not allowing you to buy him a pair of new robes. And it was not like you two had not had this argument before, it had happened several times, actually, but in all those times, you would simply shrug him off and try to shove the fight under the carpet, and Severus was afraid that if he bottled these feelings up any longer, it would do no good for either of you. 

"Sev, I have the money, and I _want_ to spend it on you. I don't see what's so wrong with that, we've been through this before." 

"But I don't want you to! It...it's a waste, and you may not know this, but I grew up _poor_ , (y/n). I worked hard for what I have, what little I have, if it counts. And I am sorry that you don't see things the way I do, that...that money should not be thrown around so carelessly. I mean, come on, you can _afford_ these things, and you always get them for me like you see me as a..."

You were facing him then, your eyes dark and angry, almost daring him to say the words you knew he wanted to say. "As a what, Severus? As a _charity case_?"

He leered. "...Sort of."

At your sigh of frustration and you turning away to the showers, Severus knew you once again wanted to dismiss him and his insecurities, hoping to shove the argument away, to be unpacked at a later time. "It makes me feel like crap, that I can't do the same for you, my love. That I can't...I can't be the one buying you the things you want, the things you need, and that you have to be the one that financially supports our relationship. It...it's not right. I _want_ to be able to do these things for you, but I only have so much, and money...money-"

"Can't you see that money was never a reason for me to love you?!" Your exclamation took him by surprise. You looked livid, and Severus wondered at which point in his speech had he caused such a reaction with you. "Yes, money is important, and money is a good thing to have, Sev, but if it has taught me anything, is that it doesn't mean anything when you don't have the people you love! Look at my family, my parents, they had all the money in the world, but even the fullest Gringott's vault or the fattest wallets in the world could never fill up the void of love they failed to give me! I have money, and I know it came from their fortune and my previous career at the Falcons, but when have I ever tried pointing out to you that your money was important to me? I love you for you, Severus Snape, and in case you can't see that, that in some part of your brain, you think that I think any less of you because you can't afford to buy me things, or that your love is only validated by your money, then get it through your thick skull that I don't care about these things! I spend money on you because _I love you_ , not to try to show to you what you were missing out on giving to me!"

You moved towards him, and staring into his eyes, Severus tried to swallow his insecurities as he looked into yours as well. "I love you for who you are, and it has never crossed my mind at one point, to judge you on your past, I think I've made that very clear. So you should let go of these things too...Sev, and know that I couldn't care less if the both of us were dirt poor and homeless and begging on the streets or if we lived in the most lavish of mansions with huge orchid gardens and swimming pools, because all that matters to me, is that I have you, and I don't think I need anything else except you to love you. There could be a war out there, there could be The Dark Lord separating us and we could have the whole word against us, but nothing can ever stop me from loving you. You are all that matters to me. Do you understand?"

Instead, you were met with his lips against yours, kissing you harder than he had ever kissed you before, with tears flowing freely from his eyes.


	16. Dumbledore's Offer

10th March 1995

Your last class of the day had ended early, all thanks to the pop quiz that seemed to stun every student in the room, with many of them leaving half-answered questions and even blank papers in exchange for early freedom, and while you were slightly disappointed, you were not surprised. The latest topic you had just recently covered was incredibly difficult, and you could not blame them for having not mastered any of the theory taught yet. However, it was sort of a blessing in disguise, because seeing as you had the time before dinner, you decided to visit Severus in his last class of the day as well. 

Stuffing the last of your papers in your folders, you began the long journey down to the dungeons to look for the potions professor. Intending to wait outside his class until he finished so the both of you could have a private moment after he dismissed his students, you were slightly taken aback when the Durmstrang Headmaster, Karkaroff, seemed to join you on your walk down as well. And when you finally noticed that the both of you were going to the very same room, he seemed to notice, too, and turned to you. 

"What are you looking for him for?" He asked, his eyes still looking you up and down warily. Moody's words on how you resembled your mother seemed to explain the reason why he seemed caught off-guard whenever the two of you were in the sam vicinity. Still, it was the first time he had engaged in you in conversation. 

"Professor Snape?"

The man clucked his tongue irritatedly, knowing you were feigning innocence to avoid the question. "Who else?" 

"I simply wanted to ask him to walk to dinner with me. Would you like to join us as well, Professor Karkaroff?"

"No," he said gruffly, "I wanted-"

But before he could finish his sentence, the both of you spotted another figure walking towards Severus' classroom, and your heart dropped when you saw the familiar face of Moody. He had been trying to talk to Severus a lot, recently, and as much as you could, you diverted his attention away every time. And this time, it was no different, because abandoning your intentions to wait for Severus to finish his class, you walked forwards to him instead, earning a sly grin. 

"Thought I would find you here, Professor (l/n). I tried finding you in your classroom, but of course, you came to visit your..." His eyes trailed to Karkaroff behind, and you quickly swept Moody away from him before he could finish his sentence. 

"What do you want?" You hissed as he shut the door after leading you to his office. You noticed his office, although with the same layout as yours, looked distinctly different. Hundreds of spy equipment and glittering objects lay messily on his shelves, and across the room, a giant trunk which shook and rattled aggressively seemed to unnerve you, along with all the other strange items he had in there, of course. It was a stark contrast to your own office, which was only filled with bookshelves that kept everything incredibly tidy, along with a desk, chair and some armchairs to entertain the occasional visitor. Moody's office, it seemed, looked like a zoo compared to yours. He settled onto his desk, and your eyes travelled to the Marauder's Map on it. 

He seemed to busy himself in preparing something at the back of the room, and taking your chance, you quickly opened it. What you saw next, however, sent your mind reeling. Under the small dots of the map, you could see the name _Severus Snape_ just fine, in his classroom along with all the other students, along with _Igor Karkaroff_. Thinking nothing of it, your eyes glided to where Minerva's name was, then Flitwick, then Dumbledore, passing by the occasional Fred and George Weasley who was as usual, skipping class to pull pranks. But as you reached Moody's office as you studied your own name, you were puzzled to find not his name, but a _Bartemius Crouch_. 

Was the map wrong? It had to be, right? You and the other teachers received news a little while ago that Crouch was incredibly ill, since he could not even come to judge for the second task, and that he was on bedrest. _So how..._

"Sometimes I really do underestimate you, do I, (y/n)?" Instantly, a searing burn spread through your scar again, causing you to drop the map in your hands and sending him a glare as you held onto his desk for support. "You found me." 

As you turned to look at him, however, you noticed that his hair seemed to be falling out, his eyes different from their usual colour, and his body getting slightly slimmer. _What-Oh Merlin_. 

Reaching into your robes for your wand, you were not sure what you were supposed to feel, honestly. _Moody was not Moody. Bartemius Crouch, or whoever this person was, was impersonating the real Alastor Moody!_ Did it make things any better? But then a horrifying thought gripped you.

"Where's-"

"The real Moody?" The man in front of you seemed to take a sip from his hip flask again, and instantly, he turned right back to the figure you were used to seeing. He must have used Polyjuice Potion. "If I told you, I would have to send you to where he is, too, and trust me, my girl, I would love to do that, but unfortunately...The Dark Lord requested for you specifically, and you know I could never go against his wishes. Although I guess I can relax on these now," he shook the flask, "Now that you know. It doesn't matter, really, but I did bring you here for a reason, and that is not to just expose me for who I am. I am Bartemius Crouch Jr, in case you wanted to know."

The name sent chills down your spine. "You...you were sent to Azkaban."

"But I escaped, didn't I? I would tell you how, but-"

For the second time that day, the man that was talking to you had been interrupted once again. Only this time, you knew you could not reject the person that had entered Moody's office, for it was Dumbledore. _He never visited anyone, it was always the person who needed him that would look for him._ Swallowing the lump in your throat, you turned to face him shakily.

"Evening, you two. (y/n), can I see you in my office now, please? I'm afraid it's rather urgent. " Dumbledore's voice was calm and collected, but the grip on Moody's door appeared like he was about to break the wood. 

You and Moody exchanged glances, you deathly afraid of what he would do to you if you followed, but he seemed to trust you, nodding slowly in warning. So with lead in your footsteps, you began following Dumbledore to his office, skipping past the hoards of students heading to the Great Hall for dinner.

Stepping past the stone gargoyle into the Headmaster's office, you sat uneasily as he invited you this time, you knew you were going to be there for a while. The phoenix he kept as a pet hummed softly behind you, and Dumbledore took his time to pour two cups of tea, before setting it in front of you. 

"We haven't spoken. Since..." He let you finish the sentence as he sat, and you tried to tear your eyes away from the portraits on his wall, which although were feigning sleep, you knew they were listening intently to your conversation. 

"...Since I stormed out of here after looking through your memories. I remember."

He gave a small smile. "I wanted to apologise, (y/n). I never meant to make you so upset, I only wanted you to see the truth."

You said nothing, so he continued, "And because I have something to ask of you. Are you familiar with Severus' role in the previous Wizarding War?"

"He was your spy." 

"He was. And now, with a second war looming ahead, I am sure, I think one of him is not enough. It would be too much for him, even with his strength and courage. Harry Potter is the key to winning any war against Voldemort," you cringed as he said the name, but he continued, "But so is Severus Snape. We need him to be one step ahead of The Dark Lord, and if I did not have him in the first war, had he been just a little too late, I don't know what would have happened. But like I said, I am afraid The Dark Lord has only grown stronger, more powerful, in this war, (y/n), and I am going to need another spy on our side."

Your heart dropped to your stomach. _Is he really asking what I think he is asking me? Does he know I can't...I can't do it, because I am already indebted to the other side?_ Your face etched in horror, you stared at him as he studied you for a moment. 

"I know, it is a lot to ask. Which is why I wanted to present you with the truth, first. The truth of your past, your parents, and everything else you went through. Because I fear The Dark Lord is going to manipulate you, try to get you onto his side as well, and with the aid of your parents this time. I would prefer it if you already knew, so that..."

"They could not convince me. "

"Yes. The jobs you are going to do, what is required of you to do, are not easy, Severus knows that very well. But I figured with your relationship, and everything else, the two of you could support each other, work well together, at least. However, your jobs will differ slightly. Severus, as you know, is on The Dark Lord's side, while I have recently realised that we may have more than one side we are fighting. The Ministry, (y/n). The Ministry of Magic is another thing we have against us, and I need you to...be our spy, for them. When they come around, which I am sure they will eventually, then you shall join forces with Severus, though I am not sure how that can happen, since you being one of _his_ followers would be the last thing I would want. But I am sure we will figure it out as we go. So...will you accept this offer? For me, for Harry, for the Wizarding World?" 

"You want me to...spy on the Ministry? On Cornelius Fudge...and all his friends?" You tried to hide your disbelief, but Dumbledore picked up on it instantly. He nodded, and gave you a brief moment to collect your thoughts while you tried to calm your heart that was thumping madly against your chest. _Could I do it? Could I really do this, all of this?_

Dumbledore leaned forward, his face meeting yours. "I trust you, (y/n), and I know you can do it. You are one of the strongest witches I have, and I know...I know that the tasks that could break any other ordinary wizard, that could permanently land them a spot in St.Mungo's, you would be able to withstand. I taught you, watched over you myself when you were a child, I would know. The only thing holding you back, I presume, would be Severus. Oh that man would be so angry that I have approached you for this, but he will see. He will see reason eventually, and I am sure the both of you will emerge from this even stronger. But if you do not want to, of course, I would understand, I would-"

"I want to," you said firmly, your grip on the chair making your knuckles turn white, your eyes determinedly staring at him. He raised his eyebrows for a quick moment, before letting out a soft smile. "I want to do it, I want to be your spy for the Ministry."

As you reentered your office later that day, however, there was a note from your desk, scrawled in Moody, wait no, Crouch's Handwriting.

_I wanted to say, that I know Severus Snape is not the only skilled Legilimens in this school. He has taught you well on this, hasn't he?_

You did not know how you were going to face him when you saw him again.

23rd March 1995

As it turned out, agreeing to be a spy for Dumbledore also meant a lot more work that had been thrusted on your end. On a good day, you would leave his office around midnight, after hours spent on discussing and planning out what you were supposed to do when the time came, and even after that, you still had your markings and paperwork to catch up on. You truly felt like a student again, studying for your OWLs and NEWTs, only this time, if you failed the examination, the whole Wizarding World was at risk. Severus had been informed of your role as well, by Dumbledore at that, and for the first few nights, he had been so livid at Dumbledore for recruiting you and putting you in such a dangerous position that he would stay in the Headmaster's office with you as you and Dumbledore sorted things out, as a form of protest and looking out for you. You knew he would never defy the man, but he was truly pissed and concerned that Dumbledore would do that to you. 

"I just don't understand! Why would you take that job? You know that you could get in a lot of trouble, (y/n), you could be sent to Azkaban for spying on them and-"

"Didn't you spy on the Death Eaters as well? If anything, your job then was even more life-threatening than the job I was offered. Furthermore, I don't even think it's really going to happen anytime soon, so far, the Ministry hasn't been too bad, I don't think..." You let out a yawn at your last sentence, your head resting on your hand as you tried to focus your bleary eyes onto the essay in front of you again. Suddenly the handwriting looked barely legible and you were finding it difficult to tell the words apart. 

"(y/n)" Severus' voice caused you to jump. "Please, please, think this through again. I don't want you to get hurt or risk your life for anything, please."

'Sev, I'm not doing it for fun, you know? I'm doing it for _Dumbledore_ , and you and I know that man needs us. Besides, we have each other on this, alright? I won't be alone, and as long as I have you, I think I'll be just fine." You stood up from Severus' desk for a while, trying to stretch and noticing that it was nearly two in the morning. You had to be up in a few hours, and you had only got through about half of your markings. "Can we talk about this tomorrow? When I'm not dead-tired and you've calmed down? Please, I can promise you right now, I won't purposely get myself caught or in trouble, Severus, I can take care of myself. And you, you have to take care of yourself, too, alright? You're worrying about me when we both know that if it came down to it, you spying on The Dark Lord while being on Dumbledore's side is...a million times more dangerous." 

He still seemed unconvinced, but you had plopped yourself down on his bed, telling him to wake you up in a half hour so that you could resume your work, and shut your eyes. _How could she seem so fine with all this? She's putting her life at risk, just as I have, and she, she-ugh!_ He sat beside you, his eyebrows furrowed and his thoughts clouding his mind all through the night. Of course, he knew that you could never say no to Dumbledore, and in your position he would have too, but it still did not get rid of the doubtful feeling in his heart, that you were going to get hurt somehow, someway, and that there was nothing he could do about it, even as he tried swallowing his fears and worries and to focus on the present. Sneaking another look at the Dark Mark on his arm, he frowned unhappily. 

But Severus never did wake you up after that half hour. Instead, when you woke up the next morning to an empty bed again, your eyes met with the figure of him sprawled out over his desk, his head in his hands while he softly snored. But what made your heart squeeze, however, was the stack of papers beside him, and as you approached and looked through them, you realised that he had marked all your remaining work for you.


	17. Let Me See

1st April 1995

You were running. You were running so hard and so fast, that your lungs squeezed with every breath you took and your legs were starting to ache. But what were you running from? You could not figure it out as the room around you seemed to close in around you, the air once again cold and musty. It was dark, very dark, and when you tried turning a corner to escape, it seemed as if a trapdoor opened right under you, and then you were falling. It felt similar to the time you fell into the Dark Pensieve, only this time, only one thing hurt. Your scar. You could hear yourself screaming, hurling in pain as you fell, but as fast as it happened, a sharp poke at your elbow seemed to end it all. 

"Having a good nap, (y/n)?" You were in your office. There were papers sprawled all over your desk, and you had been resting on your hand, looking to close your eyes for a bit, when you actually fell asleep. Only then, did you realise that you had wasted nearly an hour away and it was two in the morning again. Severus must have fallen asleep in his room already, he was as exhausted as you were, you knew, so nothing could protect you from the figure of Crouch, disguised as Moody in front of you. 

You shot up from your chair, your hand instinctively going to your wand, but the man seemed unfazed. _When am I going to learn that there is nothing I can do about him?_ you thought as he moved to sit in front of you instead. 

"You never did tell me what Dumbledore spoke to you that night about, you know? And the note, did you think I left it here for you to simply discard of it?"

"He told me I needed to catch up on my work, said I was falling behind. Of course I was, with the time that you take away from me to help you setting up that _Portkey_." You slowly moved further away from him and towards the door. "Which...I think you owe me the courtesy of telling me what you plan to do to Harry there, by the way."

"The Dark Lord keeps his secrets, (y/n). And so do I."

"You think of him like a father, since your own one has betrayed you in every possible manner." Your observation seemed to stun him for a moment, then as a slow smile of realisation crept onto his face, you knew you had hit right where you wanted to when he told you where the Portkey led to. But it was what he had planned to do, that sent chills down your spine. _The Dark Lord was going to rise in that very cemetery, and kill Harry Potter there too._

"Are you going to do anything about it? Are you going to try to stop me, my dear?" He took another swig from his hip-flask, looking at the uncertainty in your eyes. But you knew it would come to this, eventually, of course, only you did not expect for it to happen so soon. 

Clutching your wand tighter, you gave him a firm shake of your head. You hoped as hard as you could that he would believe you, and he did, thankfully. Severus had always said that you had an aura that made people want to trust you so easily, and you hoped that it had come into effect right then as Crouch Jr. grinned and raised his flask towards you. 

"See? You are coming around eventually. Dare I say, we could be friends one day, (y/n). The Dark Lord will surely reward you and me, when all of this is over with." 

26th April 1995

Cedric gave another groan as you expelled him to the ground. The both of you were training, outside of the castle, as you have been for every night for the past week. But tonight, of all nights, the boy seemed distracted, afraid almost. Casting a charm to make him stand instantly, he struggled in his footsteps as he faced you again. 

"The final task is coming, Cedric. I don't see why you seem to be...away with your thoughts." 

"I don't know if I can keep doing this." A soft murmur replied you as he chose to sit instead. 

"What did you say?" There was disbelief in your voice, and Cedric looked up at you fearfully as you stared down at him. But noticing the look in his eyes, you decided to take a different approach. Keeping your wand in your robes, you decided to give a little break for his training and sat next to him. 

"Why are you so nice to me? Why have you volunteered to teach me all these," Cedric waved his wand to a spell you had just taught him the previous night, "When you could be teaching Harry, or I don't know...someone more talented. Sounds like you feel bad for me, like you're making up for something..."

His last sentence made your skin crawl. _Was I? Was I indirectly making up for whatever I am doing, by teaching the boy?_ "You're talking nonsense, Cedric. I teach you because I believe in you, and because I want you to have a fighting chance out there. You work hard, train hard, Cedric, and I would like to see you succeed. Besides, we are friends, right? And friends look out for each other, always."

The boy watched as you intertwined his pinky finger with yours, and a small smile escaped his lips. "You think of me as a friend?"

"It would be incredibly hurtful if this friendship was one-sided, isn't it? After all, no professor would want to teach someone as _self-deprecating_ as _you_ , Cedric. Of course I am your friend." 

The boy immediately beamed and turned to engulf you in a giant hug, sending you laughing as you fell to the ground as he tackled you. In all the time that you had spent with him, it was quite strange that he still regarded you as a professor, when he has spilled most of his secrets to you and told you things nobody would ever tell their professors. But then, sometimes you did wonder if he was similar to Harry, two Champions that were highly admired and seemed to have everything around them, but were only lacking an older figure in which they could lean on. Merlin knows you never had one when you were their age, either.

24th May 1995

Time seemed to fly as you occupied yourself with the myriad of things you were involved in. Working with Crouch Jr., juggling your actual work as a teacher, training Cedric for the final task that was drawing nearer and nearer, and perhaps the most taxing of all, was discussing plans with Dumbledore for your job that would come soon enough. In fact, you had just finished another meeting with him that night, when you decided to take a quick walk around the castle to clear your head. The breeze was rather cool, and you dared to lean across one of the large windows overlooking the Quidditch pitch, when you saw the tiny figures of the Champions approaching Ludo Bagman. They must be hearing about their final task right then, and your eyes travelled curiously to the hedges Hagrid had grown in preparation for the task. _Mazes_.

You watched as Bagman informed them of their final task, and up until the were dismissed, your eyes never left Harry's figure on the field. He and Krum walked a little distance away soon after, but knowing what kind of environment the Durmstrang students were exposed to and what kind of man Karkaroff was, you took caution and followed them anyway. They descended into a quiet stretch of ground in the forest, near the Beauxbatons carriages, and you stayed a little behind to see what Krum intended to do to the Hogwarts Champion. But it was strangely sweet, their conversation, and you smiled to yourself as the boys discussed Hermione Granger and how much Krum reminded you of someone you knew as well. 

Heaving a sigh of relief, you were just about to leave them to it, to make your way back to the castle, when the sound of trees being moved by a creature rustled out. Nearly breaking your neck with how fast you turned, you could hardly control your shock when it was Crouch that came out of the clearing, only this time, he looked _wrecked_. His robes were tattered and bloody, his usually neat tuft of greying hair was long overgrown and the stubble growing on his face very unkempt. He looked exhausted, and you suddenly knew exactly what had happened to him, or more precisely, what _his son_ had done to him. _Of course,_ you thought as you put the puzzle pieces together. 

Harry approached him, and a new fear settled into your stomach altogether. _What if he told Harry? About me?_ You did not know the extent of how much his son had told him, or if he even had told him about you, but you needed to deescalate the situation fast. You could not hear what he was muttering that was so fast and so jumbled, but you could distinctly make out that he was telling the boy to get help, and you knew you had to seize the chance. Harry walked right past you as he instructed Krum to stay with him, and taking a deep breath, you apologised silently for the Durmstrang boy as you got out of your hiding place. 

_Stupefy,_ you silently casted as the boy made eye contact with you, and the instant he dropped to the ground, you heaved the rambling and muttering body of Crouch up to pin him against a tree. 

"Go, get out of here, _now!_ " The man found it hard to focus on your eyes, but when he did, he seemed unsure if you were even real. 

He seemed to regain consciousness for a moment. "T-the Dark Lord! He...he rises-!"

"I know that! You don't think I know that? Now, if you want to even stand a chance of making it out of here alive before _your son_ gets to you, you need to get out of here right this instant!" You began pushing him as he stumbled along the path you were leading him to, but his eyes sharpened at the mention of his son. 

"M-my son! He-he...you know him?"

"I work with him, now-" He gasped sharply as you said it aloud, and tried to struggle free, but with his condition, it was as useful as trying to disapparate from Hogwarts altogether. Gripping onto him tighter, you were determined to get him away for the night, not only to avoid him telling Dumbledore everything, but also to escape the wrath of his son in case he met him.

"You're trying to kill me!" He yelled before he began to start shouting about, and you gave yourself two seconds for the bizarreness of his words to settle in, before muttering _Silencio_. 

"Why would I kill you? I'm trying to get you away from here, now go!" You pushed him into the darkness of the forest, afraid that Krum was due to wake up soon. 

"You...your people, Death Eaters, they always kill us, kill whoever they think...think are spilling their secrets!"

"I am _not them_!" _Were you?_ "I don't...I don't kill people! And you've wasted time speaking to me, your son could be arriving here at any moment. _I'll tell Dumbledore what happened for you_ , now go! Run!" 

The man scampered to his feet and began making his way further and further off from the castle. You turned, barely making your way back to Hagrid's cabin when the familiar footsteps of Harry and Dumbledore rang out, and as the both of them found Krum, you ducked behind the hut for a while. Harry was sent to find Karkaroff, but you winced as the familiar voice of Moody filled your thoughts again as he approached Dumbledore. You could only hope that his father had gotten away alright. 

But you never really escaped the son's clutches, though, because the very next morning, he stopped you before you could even get to breakfast.

"The Dark Lord is ready for you, come, now." He led you into his office again, only this time, it appeared as if he had somehow conjured a room out of thin air. Inside was dark, cold, and the walls were so black that it appeared no light could ever come in to illuminate the room at all. In the middle of it, seemed to be two podiums facing each other, on top of an elevated floor with stairs leading up to it. Strapped to the podiums, seemed like two caves that were sizzling with jolts of electricity, the only source of light in the room. It looked like a torture room, frankly, and if Moody's wand had not been prodding your back and forcing you forward, you were sure you would have already made a run for it. It seemed like it could strip away anyone's happiness, any thought that was not dark and ominous, any smile, giggle or laugh, leaving the person with a feeling of emptiness and pure sorrow. 

He prodded you until you stepped up onto the steps, and asking you to place your hands onto the two cave-shaped dens on the podiums, you hissed in pain as they instantly trapped them there, prohibiting your body to move. Then, if things could not get any worse, Moody moved to exit the room, muttering something about how it would not work if you were not alone, sending another jolt of terror into your heart. _What is happening to me? What-_

You got your answer before you knew it, as the moment he shut the door, two bright green lights appeared from the ceiling of the room and from the floor below you, wrapping around under your arms and your chest, as well as around your waist and legs like a serpent. Once they did so, you immediately felt a blast of pain burning through your entire body like a branding iron. You could not even scream, because the mere energy of it was already causing you more pain, as the scar exploded with another hot, searing sensation the moment one of the lights touched it. You could not keel over, forced to stand upright by the tight bounds around your body, and you were left there standing rooted to the spot as it felt like the whole universe's electrical energy was being charged onto your body right then. 

Then, clear as day, _his_ voice filled your brain. "Welcome, (y/n), now let me see, let me see what Dumbledore has been planning against me. Open up your mind now, my girl, and let Lord Voldemort enter your thoughts."


	18. No More Secrets

25th May 1995

It felt like The Dark Lord was sifting through your memories, picking out ones that he liked, ones that interested him, all the while cackling as he relished in your agony. Severus had taught you Legilimency, a few years ago, and while insightful and useful they were, you suddenly wished that you had studied Occlumency instead. Trying as hard as you could to block out the memories of _him_ , within you, The Dark Lord did not seem to pick up on it, as far as you could tell. Memories of you as a child with your parents, of your time spent at Hogwarts, and of the times you spent with Dumbledore and Harry Potter seemed to be the only ones that interested him. But then again, it could be because he had limited time, and because he was not at his full strength yet, he did not have the opportunity to carefully _see_ the ones with Severus in them.

He cackled again as he picked out one particular memory and brought it forward, searing it into your head as you watched. It was the one where Dumbledore had picked you to be his spy for the Ministry. "I see Dumbledore has made the moves as well, hasn't he? Look, he's asking you to be _his_ spy, how ironic! He is using you to do his dirty work for him." 

You could not reply, it felt like something was binding your mouth shut as you leaned forward for what felt like the hundredth time that night, only to be held back by your restraints. You were sure you were not even standing anymore, your body only supported by the green lights which had turned into neon bindings as they held you up and continued sending shockwaves of pain throughout. The Dark Lord was watching it carefully, as the memory played almost in slow motion in your head. Again, you blocked out the memory of Severus in them, only focusing on the part where you agreed to be Dumbledore's spy and to work against the Ministry. 

"Clever girl, you accepted his offer. Now not only do I have eyes on his side, I also have eyes on the Ministry, and I don't even have to get another spy to work for me," The Dark Lord chortled happily as he seemed to shove that memory away after replaying it for the umpteenth time to study Dumbledore's movements, as he did yours. He accessed a few others, including ones where you first started showing concern for Harry, ones where you watched him train for Quidditch, ones where you cared for him whenever he was hurt, up until the ones where you finally told him off for consistently approaching you for the past semester, and he seemed to send a fresh wave of searing stings as you chased away the boy. You knew he was upset that he did not get to see as much of him as he could had you not told Harry off.

It felt like hours until he let you go, until the ropes loosened themselves around you, and you dropped straight to the ground as he ended everything with a _we will meet again_. Your head drooped down, you realised you were on your knees, panting, and your cheeks were wet with tears. _Everything hurts, everything hurts so much, and I'm so, so tired,_ you thought as you remained in that position for a while. Right then, between whatever The Dark Lord said to you and what he said about Dumbledore using you, you really felt like nothing more than a tool, an instrument, for both sides to see each other through. Dumbledore was using you to ensure the Ministry did not interfere in his plans, and The Dark Lord using you as his seeing glass into Hogwarts. And even as you kneeled there for even longer, the only sound in the room being your breaths, you could not help but feel _abandoned, used, and mostly, alone._ Nobody was going to save you, neither side actually cared for you aside from your purpose, and in the end, was doing all this worth it? All of this, for the guarantee of Severus' safety? 

_Of course it is, you shouldn't ever think like that,_ you chided yourself as you slowly stood up, your legs still shaking from the aftermath of everything. You were drained, quite literally, and with a quick glance at your wristwatch, you noticed that you had missed your first few classes of the day. You knew Crouch Jr. was taking over for you, of course, but you were not sure if you even had the energy to continue as per normal for the day, after everything. So stepping out of his office then, you could control yourself no longer as your feet carried you to the dungeons, right outside of Severus' classroom. 

Even being able to hear his voice as he taught inside brought you immeasurable comfort. You patiently waited, your back leaned against the wall as you rubbed your hands together. They were red and bruised, and you felt yourself hurriedly stuff them inside your pockets as Severus began dismissing his students. He had been teaching seventh-years, and some of them gave you confused looks as they walked past you and onto their next class. You disregarded this, of course, and upon seeing the last student file out of the classroom, you entered and shut the door with a silencing charm being put into place. Severus had not noticed you, no, he was busy checking the samples the students had provided him, so to say he was shocked when you suddenly surged forward and ran to him was an understatement. 

"(y/n), what are you doing here? Don't you have a class right-" He was cut off with you not being able to hold it in any longer, and throwing your arms around his body to engulf him in an embrace. Holding him was not enough, nothing was enough as you scrambled to clutch him even closer, inhaling his scent and feeling his warmth all around you. The world melted away as you buried your head in his chest and his hands gently rubbed your back, and you scolded yourself when you felt fresh, hot tears start to brim in your eyes. 

Severus slowly pulled out his chair behind his table, and settled down into it with you sitting on his lap. He only noticed your crying then, and he instantly felt concern rising up within him. "What happened? Was it a student...? Do I need to go and give someone detention for what they did to you, my love? Hey, hey..."

He softly kissed your cheek when you did not reply, giving you time. You were drenching his shirt, you knew, but no matter how much you tried to control yourself, to will yourself to _stop being so weak_ , the tears kept coming. All Severus could do, was hold you tighter against him, hoping that whatever it was that drove you to him, you would tell him about eventually. _This has never happened before, so what exactly happened to her?_

The potions professor counted an exactly fifteen more minutes until you calmed down. He frowned as he looked at you, and held you down when you tried to move off of him. You could not bring your eyes up to him. "I-it's nothing. I just...I had a bad day." 

_Bad days never made you cry. Bad days made you angry, rambling, and rather snappy towards Severus, but even on your worst days, you never came to his classroom, engulfed him in your embraces, and cried your eyes out to him._ "Do you want to tell me about it? Was it...?"

"It wasn't a student, Sev. It was just _me_ , and...and how I realised how little I mean to everyone." 

"And why would you think that? You mean _everything_ to me, don't you know that?"

When you failed to answer, instead picking out a stray frayed string on his robes, he pushed further. "What is it you are not telling me?" 

"I...don't know." 

Severus sighed, and your eyes darted to him in fear. _Was he angry at me? Was he angry that I refused to tell him?_ But instead, he only rested his head on your shoulder, and mumbled, "If I told you something that I haven't been telling you, would it make things better? Would it be easier for you to say what you wanted to say to me?"

"I think so."

"Then let me tell you, that I am _afraid_ , (y/n). The Dark Mark's getting clearer as ever now, and...I am terrified. The last time, he swore he would kill me, he would kill me because I betrayed him, and...and I don't want to die," Severus admitted, "I don't want to die because for once in my life, I finally have something to live for. I have you, and to have to say goodbye to you, your eyes, your smile, your face and your words, I don't think I am ready for that. And I know I am just overthinking it, but then I thought if he really wanted to hurt me, to kill me in more ways that would hurt more than death ever could, he would kill _you_ , and that thought has never left my mind even once these past few days. I don't know what I would do if you were gone. Is it just my luck that when things finally start to go right for me, the bad things come hurtling my way instantly? Things now are good as ever, and I am happy, I really am, but I can never not think that it is because something _horrible_ is going to come soon enough, and it is these thoughts that plague my mind whenever I look at you. When I see you, I only see the Dark Mark and _him_ laughing in my face, as he kills you."

You willed yourself to look at him, and as his calloused hands started caressing your face, as if trying to memorise every inch of skin there, you could not help but wince at the piercing stab in your heart. His greatest fear was losing you, and your greatest fear was losing him, only you were not sure where you stood on the line of fearing losing him so much that you were doing the very things he was deathly afraid you would do in order to ensure his safety. 

Reluctantly, you finally spoke. "You are not going to die in his hands. I will make sure of it, I will make sure that you live until you get old and wrinkly and grumpier than you are now, that you live out the rest of your days only in peace and happiness, and that you heal from the wounds he and everyone else, has caused you. I will make sure of that, Sev, and I will make sure that if the universe allows, it will be _me_ that will be dealing with the old, wrinkly, and grumpy you. You will always have me, you know that right?"

You pulled up his sleeve to expose the Dark Mark, and he watched as you silently brought it up to your lips and kissed it, as if to assure him a silent promise that you would be there until the end. Severus hated himself for making it about him then, when he was supposed to be the one caring about you, but he could not help the rush of relief that came to him as you lovingly let your lips travel over it, whispering him reassurances that no matter what, you would stand by him. 

"But what about you...?" He finally asked. "What is it you are not telling me now...?"

"That I am afraid too, Severus. Dumbledore told me...that another war was starting, that he was rising again, and I guess it only just _hit me now_ how real that possibility is getting. And I don't want to lose you in this war, but I feel like I am making all the bad decisions now, and being Dumbledore's spy for the Ministry, I don't know..."

"If you ever want to drop the role, (y/n), you know Dumbledore would not blame you. You can give it to Minerva, or someone else, you don't have to do this, you know? You don't have to live a lie trying to protect somebody else from this war."

You studied him carefully, before looking away. "I cannot do that to him, to you. I need to make up for _it_ somehow...and this is the least I can do." 

Severus pondered over your _it_ , but said nothing more as you began to thread your hands through his hair, trying to find comfort in his presence. He allowed you to do so, his own heart drumming wildly. 

"(y/n)," he said after a while, breaking the comfortable silence that had settled in the room. "Let's make a rule right here, right now."

"What?"

"No more secrets. We've always had this rule, but we've never enforced it, and I think now is the right time that we should really put this into place. You tell me everything, and I tell you everything."

You could only nod, smiling sadly at him as his grin spread, as he kissed you after, as he carried you from his chair, spinning you around the room happily as he relished in the fact that you were there, and that he wanted to enjoy every moment with you. And even as he gave a sigh of relief as he began telling you more about his fears and nightmares regarding The Dark Lord, you could only nod again as you comforted him, while feeling even worse than before. 

24th June 1995

The Dark Lord requested to see you another two more times after the first time he accessed your memories, and each time, you tried your hardest to blank out when it came to memories of Severus, and thankfully, it worked. But each time you left the room, however, your hands got more bloody and bruised and your scar hurting more than ever. Severus noticed it, but when he pointed it out, you only said it was because of the physical lessons you held for your classes, the creatures unintentionally biting or scratching you. He never said anything after that.

But it was the morning of the third and final task when Crouch Jr. finally unveiled the final part of his plan to you. Previously, he would only tell you bits and pieces, never giving you the full plan, but seeing as he was beginning to trust you even more, he pulled you aside that morning to tell you everything, and your role in it. 

And you really wished he had not, because right then, hearing about how The Dark Lord was going to summon you and all the other Death Eaters to watch _Harry Potter_ die nearly made you faint on the spot, and it pushed you to finally start taking actions based on the plan you had drafted for yourself.


	19. The Third Task

24th June 1995

As you dug into your plate of breakfast that morning, the sense of dread that settled against your stomach felt even worse than ever before. Severus was talking to you right beside you, but it was as if no words were even coming out of his mouth, the world in front of you blurry and hazy. It was only when Dumbledore stood at the end of it to inform the school of what was to happen that night, when you felt yourself snap out of it. _I cannot get distracted now, of all times._

You watched as Minerva asked Harry out to the chamber behind the Hall to meet with the Champions' families, and recalling Harry's mention of how his own Muggle family would never in a million years associate with someone of _his kind_ , you felt a pang of sympathy for the boy. Him watching as all the other Champions received good luck kisses and hugs from their families and being able to speak to them one last time as a form of encouragement before the third task, you only knew that feeling all too well. Never once had your parents attended any of your Quidditch matches, whether in school or in the real world, not to mention graduation, where you only had Flitwick by your side and Dumbledore congratulating you in place of your parents. What was worse, was what you knew was going to happen to him tonight, and that had done it. You stood up from your seat hastily, and followed the two of them. 

Cedric grinned as he saw you enter the chamber, and introducing you to his parents, you realised that they too, shared his personality and warmth. As you shook their hands and politely smiled at his father who fawned over your Quidditch achievements only a few years ago, your eyes quickly travelled to Harry, who was standing around awkwardly at the side. His hands hung nervously at his sides, and although there were chairs all around him, he chose not to sit, instead staring at a painting on the wall as he tried to ignore everyone around him. He really reminded you of yourself, all those years ago. So quickly saying goodbye to Cedric and his family, you made your way over to his side as he watched you from the corner of his eye. He was still quite upset with you, you knew, but smiling as genuinely as you could, you invited him to sit with you. 

"The Dursleys aren't coming, I know." He deflated onto the seat, not looking at you. You decided not to push it or try to get on his good graces, reminding yourself that you were only there to accompany him until he could be freed from this formality. "You don't have to be here for me if you don't want to."

"I want to." You smiled softly at him, taking his hand in yours and rubbing it comfortingly. He tensed a little at the interaction, before sighing and relaxing next to you as the both of you watched Fleur's intense conversation with her family. 

"She looks angry," he pointed out, and you, understanding what exactly she was saying to her mother, laughed. 

"She's telling her mother that if she doesn't win tonight, she doesn't want to come home, so yeah...I guess she is angry." Your translation made the boy chuckle, and as your eyes travelled to Krum, who was nodding silently with his parents this time, you exchanged smiles as well. You missed him, honestly, and the only interaction that the both of you have had for the past few weeks was this, and even this brought you so many memories of the many other moments you spent with him. 

"Are you nervous? For tonight?"

"I think I'm okay." 

You saw a flicker of anxiousness in his eyes, and as they made contact with yours, you nearly lost it. _I cannot do this, I cannot do this, I have to tell him._ Just being beside him, accompanying him for the remaining period where the Champions were with their families, was already making you feel horrible, not to mention what you knew was going to happen to him and how if your plan failed, he would die, it was sending you into turmoil. Another few minutes passed as you tried to pick up the courage to tell him, or at least send him a clue, but as your fists balled themselves and your brain fought with your heart, you realised that the both of you only sat there in comfortable silence while still watching the other families. Harry seemed content, though, the awkwardness and uncertainty of what he was about to do alleviated with you beside him again. _At least she's here,_ he thought, as he stole a glance at you beside him. 

"Harry, I-" You began, but suddenly, a voice cut you off, and you turned to see Molly Weasley, along with her son Bill, at the corner of the room, beaming at the boy. 

"Harry! We're so sorry we're late, Bill got caught up at Gringott's again, and we really wanted to surprise you, but oh-look at you!" _Oh._ The woman kissed his cheek as she approached the two of you, and you immediately stood to give her some space. Of course, he had to have family visit him, you knew Minerva would never send him in if she knew what kind of people his Muggle family were. And you had no right to feel a little jealous, really, as the Weasleys engulfed him in a hug and a grin broke out on his face. 

But Molly seemed to take notice of you before you could silently slip away. "Oh, are you his...?" 

She let the question hang in the air, for she did not know what your relationship to him was, even. You instantly felt your face go red. "I'm his teacher. I...I'm not-please, I will excuse myself."

"No, stay, stay, you accompanied him while we were late, and you should-"

"No, I...I have classes to teach, actually. But thank you, Mrs Weasley, enjoy the rest of your day." You began to step back, rejecting Molly's polite pleas for you to stay with them. You were not about to interrupt the three of them by being an unwanted addition, and you knew Harry was much better off with them, anyway. Your job was done, he had a family, and he did not need you anymore. You had to leave. 

"Professor!" But it was him that caught up with you before you left. "What was it? What did you want to say?"

You let out a grimace. "I wanted to wish you the best of luck, Harry. I will see you soon enough." 

But even as the boy rushed forward to hug you in front of all his opponents and the Weasleys, even as you felt the immeasurable guilt surge through you once again, and even as Molly Weasley gave you a comforting look when you reminded her of Lily Evans, you still could not find it in yourself to _tell him_.

As the sun began to set and the students began filing into the Great Hall once more for dinner, you stared ahead straight at Severus as he was dragged away by Karkaroff this time, letting Crouch Jr. take the seat that was usually his, next to you. 

"Don't get cold feet, now. Look at him, realise what is going to happen to him if you bail now, (y/n)," he whispered as you continued staring at the potions professor, and you instantly tore your eyes away, offended that he would even _dare_ to look at Severus in that manner. 

"I won't." 

The teachers filed away from the students soon after dinner, and with Severus resting his hand on your back and you breathing in the comfort of his cologne to try calming your racing heart down, you walked to the Quidditch pitch. The hedges were nearly taller than Hagrid then, and the darkness that loomed through them, filled with the worst kind of creatures to test the Champions' abilities made your skin crawl. Minerva was informing the Champions on what to do if they were in trouble, and Crouch Jr. sent you a look. _Leave him to me, you are assigned to Cedric Diggory,_ he said to you the previous night, and your eyes looked at the rather bruised and red marks on your hand, suddenly gripping your wand even tighter.

The Champions entered the maze, and Severus gave you a kiss on the cheek before he made his way to the stands, while you followed Cedric from the outside of the maze. The air was rather warm, the night sky quite clear, and you could not help but turn sharply at any sign of anything resembling a red flare through the air. The ground thudded softly as you walked, patrolling the outside of the maze as Ludo Bagman blew the whistle again for Viktor Krum, who had Flitwick as his in-charge, and then Fleur, who had Hagrid. Once or twice you crossed paths with the gamekeeper, and exchanging polite glances, you kept walking, occasionally hearing the sounds of the Champions battling something inside.

Cedric seemed to be doing well, because for the next ten minutes or so, no signal came from him, and the only sounds emitted from his side were of surprise when he encountered another creature, though it too was gone as quickly as it came, replaced by his running footsteps again. You began to lose yourself in your thoughts for a bit, studying the details in your wand as you walked, noticing the fine spots you forgot to polish the previous night when you were helping Severus to polish his wand as well. Rubbing absentmindedly over a fingerprint, you were only interrupted when a scream shattered the silence. It was Fleur Delacour, and you only hoped that Hagrid had got there in time to save the girl from whatever it was that caused her to let out a cry like that. And then you wondered how far along Harry was, and what Crouch Jr. was doing to the obstacles in his way, and your heart sank again. 

Another few minutes passed again, before you heard Cedric's voice for the first time that night. 

"What are you doing? What the hell do you think you are doing?" His voice sounded panicky, scared, and you realised your own heart was beating madly for him. It seemed like he had met with another competitor. But you were informed of who it was before you knew it, because right as Krum yelled _Crucio!_ and filled the air with the poor boy's yells, you knew Crouch Jr. had interfered. _Cedric was not part of the plan, why the hell was he hurting him?_ Your brain seemed to reel on what to do next, but another _Stupefy_ was heard, and you knew that it was Harry that had casted it on the Durmstrang Champion. _But that would mean..._

You instantly ran into the maze, clearing the thick hedges as a red flare was sent up into the air, indicating where Krum was, you knew Harry would have had sent it. Following it, you rushed past a Boggart on your way as you cleared more hedges again, and you dared not look at it, afraid of what you might see. _Any moment now,_ you burned another opening, struggling through as the thick branches scratched as your skin. You saw Krum laying stunned on the ground, and then the figure of Moody came into view as he stared down at the Champion, and you prepared yourself for what would be the most intimidating thing you were going to attempt ever since you began playing for the Falcons. 

" _Expelliarmus!_ " His wand immediately flying out of his hands, Crouch Jr. had no time to react as your body flung onto his, knocking him straight to the ground. He was strong, but in all the times you spent training with him, practising curses and hexes with him, you knew you had speed to your advantage. So taking him by surprise, you used the opportunity to silence him with your wand, and he gripped his throat as no words came out when he tried to scream for help. You cast a quick look around for any other creatures around the both of you, but it turned out to be a mistake, because in the next second, he had kicked you off of him and sent you hurtling towards Krum. 

You broke your fall midway, and as he tried to scramble for his wand, you cast another charm to fling him off. Staggering up, you decided that you had very little time to fight him before Harry and Cedric would reach the Cup, and you moved to tie Crouch Jr. up with your wand. He was still trying to get his voice out, massaging his throat, and you wondered why he was doing it for a brief second when he suddenly looked at you. And then _you felt it_. A sharp pain exploded from your scar, and you cried out in agony as you doubled over, nearly falling as you moved to clutch it. He took this opportunity, and with another wordless charm, you felt a slice through your cheek as he summoned a broken off piece of glass from when Cedric fought off his Boggart earlier, and slammed it straight against your face. Instantly tasting blood as the cut travelled from your mouth to just shy of your ear, you realised that he was not intending to use magic any longer, no, he was going to use brute force against you. 

You slid to the floor right as he pulled the glass away and tried plunging it to your side, but ducking just a few millimetres lower from his range, you managed to avoid it and disarmed him of his glass shard once again. By this time, the man had managed to get his voice back, and you winced as he roared in your ear, sending another explosion straight through your body. 

"You dare do this? Now? Right now, when we are _so close to our victory?_ Have you no idea what I am going to do to Severus after I kill you here?" 

You wasted no time in jabbing the edge of your wand right on his good eye, and he screamed as he tumbled backwards. _I have to go, I wasted too much time._ You initially planned to get Krum to safety as well, but with the way things were looking, you apologised silently again to him as you turned back to Crouch Jr., and breathing through the horrible ebbing in your bones, casting a charm that would tie him up. You never intended to kill him, no, but with the way he howled again and struggled against his restraints, sending you jolt after jolt of stinging stabs, you nearly felt that you had to.

" _Obliviate!_ " You managed to yell as you pointed your wand towards him. It was the key charm that you needed that night, and you could not control how relieved you felt as you cleared off yourself from his memories, while giving him another silencing charm. 

Panting, you turned to the clearing against the hedges again, and began to find where Harry had gone off to. Your scar was hurting like never before, and limping your way through the hedges, you dearly hoped that the blood that was running freely from your face was not going to attract any other unwanted obstacles your way.


	20. The Graveyard

24th June 1995

_Get to Harry, prevent Harry from taking the Cup, bring Harry back to safety, destroy the Cup. Everything in this order._

But it seemed as if your plan was falling apart. After spending weeks of drafting it out, rehearsing it over and over in your head, of course, you should have expected that trying to plan for the future was not going to work, because as you rounded the final corner of the maze to where the Cup was supposed to be, you let out a sharp gasp at what you saw. There was blood in your mouth and dripping down into your neck and robes, and your ribs hurt from the force Crouch Jr. had initially put on you as he hurtled you to the grounds and then tackled you down as you got up again, but nothing could compare to the absolute _horror_ that filled you when you saw Harry and Cedric touch the Cup at the exact same time.

"Harry, NO!" Your scream tore into the air, but it was too late, in the split-second both boys spent to look at you, the Cup had already acted as a Portkey, and transported them both away. _No, not Cedric. Cedric was not supposed to part of this at all._ Your hands flew to your head, trying to wrack your brain to _think, think of another solution_ , to bring both boys back safely, to _replace Harry_ if you could.

And then you came to the scary realisation that for you to even have a sliver of a chance of getting to them, you had to go to the graveyard itself. You had to meet them there. _Of course, I should have expected this,_ you thought to yourself as your feet began carrying you back into the maze, trying to remember which way you came from after you tied Crouch Jr. up. Passing the openings in the hedges you had burned through and making left and right turns to dodge the many creatures in the maze, you scolded yourself as you nearly lost your footing once or twice. It seemed to take forever, trying to find your way back, and if you had not used your wand as a compass to lead you back, you were sure you would have gotten so lost into the maze that Harry would be killed once you even got to Crouch Jr. 

Spotting Krum out of the corner of your eye, you knew you had arrived when the silencing charm on Crouch Jr. was wearing off and he was struggling against his restraints again. Luckily, this time, he did not seem to know who you were, or rather, you as the Death Eater he had reeled into in his plans, but only as his fellow colleague in the Defence Against the Dark Arts position. Hurriedly reviving Krum from his stunned state, you sent another red flare into the air as you heaved Crouch Jr. up, and dragged him deeper into the maze before another Hogwarts professor came into the maze. 

You untied the man hastily, his eyes watching you with mild interest as his mind still riddled with the many questions he had about why he was there, what you were doing to him, and _who_ he was. But when he finally did settle these things, however, you felt the edge of his wooden leg sink into your own knee, and there was a moment where it sank deeper, before he successfully kicked you so hard with it that you howled in pain. _He had kicked right where your injury was, all those years ago._ The pain that flared from it was familiar, and you knew you had to hurry in what you were going to do before it overtook your body like before and left you immobilised on the grounds of the maze without any means of getting to Harry.

He had forgotten to take an extra dosage of his Polyjuice Potion that night, and streaks of Crouch Jr.'s natural hair colour was beginning to appear, and the robes he was wearing were getting too big for his smaller, frailer body. _If what he said before was true, and that The Dark Lord really was going to call upon his followers, then I have to take the chance._ The man told you nights before, that because you still had a long way to go before you were officially accepted as one of _them_ , that when The Dark Lord called upon you, you had to get Crouch Jr.'s own approval to get you to him, to deem you worthy, before you could go. So swallowing all your fears and worries, you stayed. You stayed by his side, shoving up the sleeves of his robes to expose his own Dark Mark that was appearing, and waited until it was time. He tried once again to knock you off of him, but without his wand and still being in such a dazed state, all you needed was to tie his wrists and ankles together and laid him on his side to expose only his Dark Mark. _Touching my Dark Mark with your hands is the only way you can go to him, it is the ultimate form of trust on my part._

As your breathing finally settled and Crouch Jr. got silenced again, you finally had time to take notice of everything happening around you. Footsteps were rushing towards Krum from the other side of the maze, before Flitwick's voice could be heard and him casting a charm to lift Krum up and out of the maze to safety. Sighing a sigh of quick relief, you were about to run your hands through your hair when you noticed something. Your fingers were bloody and cuts and scratches were all over them from trying to move through the thick and sharp branches of the hedges, the stinging slightly irritating. And then you remembered something, something that had possibly contributed to why as discombobulated as he was, Crouch Jr. was still horrified to see you. You were still bleeding profusely from the deep gash in your cheek. You did not know if it was going to leave a scar, or when the bleeding was going to stop, but you stepped back for a brief moment, your eyes never leaving the figure on the ground, and conjured up a small handkerchief to press firmly on the wound. It burned, quickly drenching the handkerchief with even more blood, and you winced as the adrenaline finally diminished, leaving you with what was perhaps the most uncomfortable sensation you had ever experienced in your life. Your knee, your hands, your scar, and your cheek were all hurting, and if anyone had told you years ago that your time at Hogwarts would eventually lead to _this_ , to you being in so much pain and worrying yourself to death, you would have laughed squarely in their faces, disbelieving the words they were uttering to you. 

Another fifteen minutes passed, fifteen, gruelling minutes of trying to breathe through the stings and burns you were feeling, before it happened. Crouch Jr. still had his hip flask on him, and you grabbed it in preparation of what you were about to do. When his mark burned, so did yours, and right as it glowed red like a hot rod in his veins, you force-fed him the potion to turn him back into Moody, but before he could fully turn, you sucked in a sharp breath, and touched his Dark Mark. 

Instantly, your stomach tugged and you were gone from the maze. In a split-second of travelling through what seemed like worlds away, you were apparated straight to where you needed to be. The graveyard was dark and overgrown, the grass rising up to your knee level as you looked down upon yourself and saw that your stained white robes had been replaced with a dark cloak, and that the blood from your cut had stopped gushing out, partly because there was a mask covering your face. Touching it, it was cool and smooth as it rested on your face, the metal an inviting feeling as it seemed to be able to soothe the stinging on your cheek. All around you, similar hooded figures appeared at the same time you did, and as they began moving forwards, you stayed a little behind a few particularly tall ones to hide yourself from view. 

Up in front, was a skeletally thin man, who seemed to have been the center of attention as everyone congregated around him. And when he turned and faced them, however, you felt your face contort into an expression that could not hide your disbelief. Thankfully, you had your mask on, or The Dark Lord would have been able to see your reaction instantly as his scarlet slits for eyes studied every Death Eater in the vicinity, and as he moved aside to show off what he had been towering over, you could not control the whimper you let out as _Harry Potter_ lay on the ground, completely immobilised and bleeding from his leg. Then your eyes travelled a little further away from him, and you nearly cried out in _terror_ at the body of Cedric Diggory on the ground, dead. Your knees buckling, you nearly fell forwards as your head went cold at the sight of the boy. _I let this happen, if only I had been quicker, stronger, I would not have killed Cedric Diggory, I lost him because of my complacency._

Were you too late? Was it too late to fix everything now, that Harry Potter was caught and Cedric Diggory was dead in front of you? Had you gotten too confident, over how much of your plan was actually going to work? Looking around desperately for any sign of sympathy from the other Death Eaters around you, you found none, as they continued staring at The Dark Lord in front, one of them even dropping to his knees to kiss his robes. And then more followed in his footsteps, and you had no choice but to kneel as well, blending yourself in as The Dark Lord began to speak. 

A Death Eater flung himself in front, and once again, your eyes widened as The Dark Lord performed an Unforgivable Curse on him, leaving him writhing and whimpering on the ground as he was tortured, still begging for forgiveness. None of the other Death Eaters seemed to want to help him, and you were appalled that even as their _comrade_ was struggling, howling in pain right in front of their faces, that they still dared not help him. It was jarring to you, the kind of people they were. 

The Dark Lord cast his eyes upon his followers, before beginning to address them one by one. Lucius Malfoy, Macnair, Crabbe and Goyle, Nott, and as his eyes travelled to the empty space beside the man, he wistfully recalled them, your blood running cold as he mentioned _one, who I believe has left me for ever...he will be killed, of course._ Severus. 

"And one, one whom my faithful servant has helped me recruit, who has been nothing but helpful in bringing my young friend here, in one piece. Come here." He was talking to you, but your feet were planted firmly on the ground, your eyes not leaving his. He seemed to sense your worry, and wordlessly made your feet move anyway, as if with minds of their own. You approached right beside him, and as he put his hand on your shoulder, it felt icy, prickly, digging into your back. Harry was watching you from the ground, and although you knew he could not recognise you, your eyes nearly watered at the sight of him in that manner. _I cannot do anything now, not with me being heavily outnumbered like this._

"You, my child, you have done me a great service, by allowing me to access your memories, your thoughts. You have provided me a seeing glass into Hogwarts, and my servant at Hogwarts was right to have picked you. Now, you are my spy, so your identity should not be revealed, but know that you have done well, and I look forward to many more years of your service from Hogwarts. Thank you, for bringing me Harry Potter." 

He did not let you go, instead still holding his hand over your shoulder firmly, even as he walked over to Harry, and as his snake sniffed you curiously over your cloak, and even as he began to tell his story on how he had managed to rise again. You listened with rapt attention, ignoring the absolute fear in your heart as he refused to release his hold over you, and as your eyes darted around to the other Death Eaters, who were watching your movement as well as his, wondering why the hell he had given you such special treatment to see the boy in the way he was doing. The Dark Lord talked about Lily Evans, and then his downfall, up until when you and Quirrell arrived at Hogwarts, and the air seemed even colder in the night as he spoke, if possible. He moved to speak about Bertha Jorkins, and you wondered if her fate would be similar to yours. Would death be an easy way out for you? Or would you be driven to insanity, cast aside and disposed of like a toy, when he was done with you? 

Your thoughts had drifted so far away that when you heard the sound of The Dark Lord casting _Crucio!_ onto Harry, you let out such a sharp gasp as he cackled at your shock. The boy screamed, while The Dark Lord seemed to revel in watching him and you suffer, as his hand moved towards your neck then, and forced you to look down upon him. 

"See. See what you have done to him, for me. Do you regret everything now, my dear? Or do you see power in what others call suffering? Without a mother to die for him, you, the rest of you will see, how powerless this boy is." You struggled to free yourself from him as he spoke, but he held on to you harder, enjoying the torture he knew he was putting you through. _Harry, please forgive me. I never meant to do this to you._

"Now untie him, and give him his wand, my girl. And then you will truly be able to see where your loyalties lie when I have killed the only chance Dumbledore has of defeating me ever again."

The Dark Lord shoved you forward, and while untying the boy, you sent him a sorry look as he only searched your face in fear. If you squinted, it seemed as if he had a brief flash of recognition as your eyes met his, but it was gone as quickly as it came, when The Dark Lord forced him to stand and face him. The other Death Eaters laughed as he was made a show in front of them, while you busied yourself with slipping to the back of the crowd, The Dark Lord allowing you to do so this time. You could not bear to watch what was going to happen, a reminder that your plan had _failed_ , and that you were going to lose Harry because of your own mistakes. 

Harry was hit again and again with the Cruciatius Curse, and each time, you found it more and more difficult not to tear your eyes away, to wince, to rush forward to help him. The guilt that had been eating at you inside suddenly seemed like a monster enveloping you, not allowing you to move from where you were, but still tearing you down inside. You watched as he staggered slightly to the other Death Eaters after a particularly vicious attack, and as they pushed him back into the circle to watch Harry desperately try to escape the clutches of death, you knew you could not stand aside any longer. Gripping your wand tightly, you steadied yourself, and were just about to surge forward to pull him away, when a hand tugged at your sleeve, holding you back. _Who-_

The piercing grey eyes of the person you thought you knew so well, looked straight at you. It was your mother. You choked on your own breath, and her hands moved to hold your wrist, the grip on it like iron. She said nothing, her eyes finally staring ahead, but you were still stuck beside her. And you wondered for a brief moment if she knew what was going to happen too, because right as Harry tumbled over one gravestone, The Dark Lord yelled the Killing Curse, and you knew had you been there trying to save him, you would have gotten hit by it and killed. _Was she trying to save me or kill him?_

You could not see her face at all behind the mask, but unmistakably it was her. She was shorter than you now, and the hand on your wrist seemed more calloused than you remembered it to be. But your mind reeled at the fact that you had not considered that out of everyone that had gathered, _your parents_ would gather too. Your eyes searched the group for your father, but with everyone wearing the same dark cloaks and masks, you knew it was an impossible task. _She recognised me, out of everyone here, she recognised me. How could it be?_ That would mean that your mother had watched you apparate into the grounds, watched The Dark Lord call you out in front of everyone, watched you untie Harry Potter and return to the depths of the Death Eaters again. She watched her daughter become a _Death Eater._ You wondered if the expression under her mask was one of pride. _I have become like you, haven't I? The very thing I swore I would never be._

_Expelliarmus!_  
_Avada Kedavra!_

A sharp yell came from both Harry and The Dark Lord as you tore your eyes away from her, only to see jets of green and red lights fighting off each other mid-air. _What the hell..._ Their wands were emitting these jets, and they shook and vibrated as you watched incredulously the scene that was unfolding before you. Then, to make things even stranger, they were lifted off from the ground, wands still connected by the shimmering lights that had turned a solid gold colour now. The other Death Eaters enclosed around the two, clearly reaching out to help their master, but as you moved forward for a completely different reason, you felt your mother's grip on your hand tighten, holding you back. _What was she doing? Doesn't she want to save her precious Dark Lord too? Why is she-_

Harry and The Dark Lord were suddenly enclosed in a golden, dome-shaped web a cage of light, and the Death Eaters that dared try to touch it, were expelled backwards, their hands searing bright red as they did. It kept everyone else away, and it dawned on you what was happening. _Priori Incantatem_. You remembered reading about it in one of the ancient books you had purchased years ago, and you did not actually believe it would happen until _now_. It was as horrifying as it was marvelling as your eyes glowed golden too, from the bright light that shined from the dome.

Time seemed to slow as finally, the bodies of Cedric Diggory, an old man you were sure Harry had told you about in his dreams, Bertha Jorkins, and the last two...James Potter and Lily Evans appeared. It was the first time you were seeing her, and even then, as she was, you realised that she was nothing less than _beautiful_. The auburn hair that flew in the wind amidst everything, the bright, green eyes that stared down at Harry, and the perfectly sculpted nose and mouth of Lily Evans greeted you as she came out of The Dark Lord's wand. You were hit with another weird sensation as her eyes suddenly made contact with yours, almost as if _she knew._ It was as if she knew you, Severus, and whatever your relationship with Harry was. You wondered if she knew just how much you cared for her son, and how much you regretted everything that you did to him. And then she nodded, and you instantly knew what she meant. _This is my chance. My chance to save the boy._

As Harry pulled his wand upwards to sever the connection, you too pulled your hand away from your mother's, knocking her over with a spell as the whole of the Death Eaters were in disarray and distracted, and ran straight ahead to the Portkey. Your knee was killing you, with the exert you were causing it, but you could not find it in your heart to complain when the opportunity you were presented with was so rare, with all the other Death Eaters not taking notice of you and rushing to help their master, and you having a clear path towards running to the Portkey with Harry. The Dark Lord yelled for someone to stun him, and you, wanting to avoid suspicion, raised your wand and did so only a few millimetres away from the boy, knowing he could duck from that in time. Your eyes fell onto him trying to get a hold onto Cedric, and your heart faltered. _He was not going to make it if he intended to bring Cedric._

But you refused to let the Hufflepuff boy die in vain. So willing yourself to take a risk, you ran past him still trying to stagger towards the Cup with Cedric, and kicked the trophy straight towards them both. It flew into the air, and Harry managed to glance one last glance at you, wondering why the hell a Death Eater was doing that, before he gripped the Cup and disappeared again.

By this time, most of the Death Eaters were already starting to get to where you were, and you knew you had to get away if you even wanted to escape alive. They could not see you yet, of course, and if you disapparated right here, right now, you could escape The Dark Lord's fury and clutches in time to go back to Hogwarts. You would return, you would tell Dumbledore everything, you would make sure Harry returned safe and sound, you would return to _Severus._

However, right as you gripped your wand, the scar on your abdomen suddenly seemed as if it was tearing itself open once again, the wound piercing your skin so badly you keeled over. _Not now, not now of all times, please._ And then, to make things even worse, something blazing hot seemed to brand itself on the skin of your left forearm, and as fast as the pain from the scar came, it was gone, all of it having been transferred to your arm. Your hands tried to find the familiar outline of it across your abdomen, but even you knew that it was gone, and you were left with a Dark Mark on your left arm. _He's officially claimed me._

You were just about to lift up your sleeve, to clamp your hand over the burning sensation, when something knocked into you from behind, sending you tumbling further and further off from the other Death Eaters. You cried out in pain, but the person who did so simply clamped their hand over your mouth to shut you up. _This is it, they've found out. They all know, and I am going to die a very, very painful death right here._

It was your mother. It was your mother who had knocked into you from behind, and once again, your eyes widened in shock as her eyes seemed to narrow, deliberating something. It took a second for her to confirm her decision, because right as she stared at the other Death Eaters approaching, she said to you, "Disapparate, _now._ I will distract them."

You were gone before she could turn back to look at you.


	21. And Dumbledore Knew

24th June 1995

Disapparating back to just short of where the Shrieking Shack was, you felt yourself land heavily on your left arm as you fell. The mark was still a fresh reminder of what had just happened, and as you tore off your cloak and mask desperately, you bunched up your left sleeve to see it clearly under the moonlight. It was a sign of his trust, his acceptance of you, you knew, but you felt like it was anything but as it seared hotly against your arm. The serpent wrapping itself around the scar was a jarring reality of what you had become. Wincing as your fingers ran over it just like how they used to run over Severus' own, you realised that no matter what, you could not keep the secret anymore. You could hide it from everyone, hide it from the man you loved most, but you had to tell Dumbledore, in fear of what The Dark Lord was going to do to Severus if he found out soon enough. Only in this manner, did you stand a chance in saving him. 

Further away, at the Quidditch pitch, you could hear screams and yells in the air, and you knew that Harry had returned along with Cedric's body. It gave you a small sense of relief, knowing that at least, he made it back, and that he had not died then and there at the graveyard. It gave you the strength you needed to stand as you began making your way back to the main grounds. Without the mask, your wound started to hurt again, and your robes were dirty and torn, so you had to cast a concealing charm upon yourself to avoid suspicion. Moving through the forest and clutching your wand tightly, you realised that you did not even have to sneak back in, because the crowd at the Quidditch pitch had turned so manic, that there was an overall frenzy in the area, giving you another opportunity to blend in. 

Pushing your way to the front, you tried to mask the hurt on your face again as you saw Cedric's body on the ground right beside Harry. All the time you spent with him, getting to know him, training him for the tasks, felt like lightyears away then, as your eyes travelled towards his cold, grey eyes, and his rigid figure as his father then appeared right next to him, the cry he gave out so raw and sorrowful that you had to immediately look away before you broke down yourself. _I could have prevented this. I could have prevented his death, if only I had been fast enough, strong enough._

But then you felt Severus' hand on your waist, and as his eyes met with yours and carefully dragged you to the back of the crowd, you could not control your tears any longer. _He's alright, he's here and he's alright._ Tackling him into a hug, the man seemed grateful, this time, to envelop you in his warmth too. He probably thought that you had just been scarred from seeing what had happened to Cedric, and you were, but the tears, the tears were for him. He kissed your forehead softly as the both of you relished in each other for a moment, before he pulled away. 

"Look," he said, as he pulled up his own sleeve, and you saw that his Dark Mark, too, was clear as ever. He looked pained, and you knew he could not hide the absolute terror he must have felt when you were gone from him and it burned, how it scared him so much that you were not by his side when it happened, and how he nearly went down to the pitch itself to find you, too. "He's back, for real this time. It burned while you were away."

 _I know, Severus. I know, because I was right there._ You saw The Dark Lord mention him, swearing to kill him, and then his cold hands gripping you in a way that you knew would terrify you for life, and you knew that it had perhaps been one of the longest nights you have ever had to experience. So you did the only thing you wanted to do then, and cupping his face gently, you kissed him, you kissed him until your lungs nearly gave out and until his own arms wrapped around your body to pull you in closer. 

"But you're here now, you're here with me, and I cannot tell you how relieved I am that you're here. Please, never leave me." He captured your lips again in his as he spoke, and you nodded fiercely, tears still streaming down your face. You moved to pull his sleeve down again, and whispered _always, always, always_ exactly three times before you let go. 

"I have to tell Dumbledore something, but I will be back, Severus. Wait for me." 

And then you were running again, running straight towards the Headmaster, who was so heavily surrounded with petrified audience members and parents of Champions that even trying to spot a look at his signature flowy robes and silver beard was difficult despite his height. But you pushed through, shoving past many in the crowd despite their disgruntled remarks and dirty looks at you. You arrived right at Dumbledore's feet, but he paid no attention to you as he kept talking to Cornelius Fudge, the both of them in a very heated conversation.

"Dumbledore, I need to speak to you," you said as you grabbed his arm, and he turned away from Fudge to look at you briefly. 

"(y/n), _everyone_ needs to speak to me. Please give me a mo-" He did not get to finish, because as soon as the words came out from his mouth, you revealed your true form to him, getting rid of the concealing charm. Upon the sight of you in your dirty and tattered robes and with the huge gash in your cheek, you heard him inhale sharply and blink in surprise. _He knew._

Turning back to Fudge, he dismissed the very angry man, before holding onto your hand, and apparating the both of you straight to his office, a Headmaster privilege. Inside, you were greeted once again with the pet phoenix he kept, along with the numerous portraits of the previous Headmasters on his walls. The fire that he kept on despite the summer gave you immeasurable warmth, and as you eradicated your concealment completely, a look of worry overcame his features as you fell straight onto his plush armchair, your energy completely drained. But then your mind suddenly remembered something, and you decided that whatever you were going to say, had to wait. This came first.

"Where's Professor Moody?"

"He took Harry Potter away, to the infirmary. The boy is fine, but-" _Merlin._ You shot up, and immediately clutching Dumbledore's robes, you could not control the panic in your voice as you spoke again.

"That's not _him!_ T-that's not the real Moody, Dumbledore! I can tell you everything later, but you need to _trust me_ when I say that that man is _not bringing Harry to the infirmary!_ We need to get to him now!" 

But Dumbledore never panicked, and even then, his expression looked almost calm, serene. He looked down at you, and nodding silently, he replied, "As I have suspected. You know, you are sometimes too smart for your own good, (y/n). So what do you say, we pay him and Harry a visit now? And put your concealment charm back on, you wouldn't want the rest of Hogwarts to know where you've been tonight, wouldn't you?"

Dumbledore called upon Minerva and Severus to meet the both of you on the way to Crouch Jr.'s office, and with yours, hers, and Severus' wands out, it seemed like there was no way that the man could escape, but then again, you had been proven wrong by your intuition many times. Along the way, Severus managed to hold your hand as Minerva and Dumbledore walked in front, and giving him a reassuring glance, you kept on moving forward. 

But as Dumbledore slammed down the door of the office and stunned the man in front of Harry, you were suddenly reminded once again of his power and strength, as his eyes suddenly carried nothing but cold fury, a complete reversal of the look he had given you just minutes prior. He stepped into the room, followed by Severus, who already had his usual, stoic, hardened look on, and then Minerva. You stepped in last, and watching as Dumbledore kicked Crouch Jr. from his front to roll over to his back, you felt your thoughts clouding, wondering if he would remember you once Dumbledore thoroughly interrogated him. Minerva was helping Harry up, but Dumbledore refused to let her leave with him to the infirmary, wanting Harry _to understand, to accept._ She looked to you for support, for perhaps she had expected you to side with her in sympathising for the boy, but after everything that you and him had been through tonight, you could not help but agree with Dumbledore. 

The Headmaster instructed for Severus and Minerva to help him with the tasks he assigned to them, leaving you, Harry, and what he thought was Moody, alone with him in the room. _This is where it starts._ Dumbledore handed the keys he had retrieved from the unconscious man on the floor, and told you to help him open the locks on the trunks he had in the corner of the room. Then your breath caught in your throat as he descended upon the ladder that appeared from the last lock, bringing up the real Alastor Moody. The man looked tiny and frail as he shivered. 

"(y/n), please bring the real Alastor Moody down to the infirmary. He seems in no immediate danger, but do hurry." You hoisted the arm of the real Moody on your shoulder as Dumbledore spoke, noticing how his bones seemed to protrude from his skin as he lay his weight onto you. 

When you returned, however, it seemed as if Dumbledore was already halfway through his interrogation. There were three voices inside, and as you stepped in, Severus immediately moved towards your side for comfort. You uneasily crossed your arms at the sight of Dumbledore kneeling down in front of the undisguised Crouch Jr., as well as a house-elf that seemed to be key in the interrogation too. He continued his story, and while he made no mention of you whatsoever, you knew the Veritaserum running in his veins was bound to expose you eventually. 

But that eventually never came. _Had you been successful? Had you clearing his memory of you worked after all? Was this your second chance, to confess, to tell Dumbledore everything before he would?_

It seemed so, because Dumbledore then asked, "But you worked alone? You did all of this, alone?"

Crouch Jr. nodded. "I had faith that I could do it, for my master."

Dumbledore shot a weary eye towards you, and pointed. "What about her? Did she help you, since you seemed to have been spending a lot of time with her, whether the both of you were teaching or not?"

Crouch Jr. looked straight at you, but there seemed to be no hint of recognition in his eyes. "She did not. In fact, I seem to recall nothing of her, aside from the time we spent together discussing work."

_It worked._ You could not believe that you had successfully altered his memories, because right as Dumbledore finished his interrogation and dismissed everyone, Crouch Jr. was still looking at you, as if scrambling to remember who you were, but your eyes looked away from his. The Headmaster requested for you and Harry to follow him, so giving Severus' hand a tight squeeze before you left, you helped Harry to stand, and began following Dumbledore towards his office. 

"(y/n), wait here. I will speak to you after I hear from Harry, alright?" Dumbledore said once more. So sliding down the wall in front of his office, you waited, as the reality of tonight's events began to sink in. Your cheek was still hurting even though the bleeding had stopped, but the wide open wound was still there, and if you moved too much, it would start bleeding again. You sighed as you clutched it painfully, wondering if it was going to leave a scar once Madam Pomfrey helped you to heal it. 

It seemed like hours until Harry stepped out of the office, followed by a black dog that sniffed you as you stood. It reared its head for you to pet it, and although strange that a _dog_ was inside Hogwarts, you were too distracted to say anything, reaching your hand to stroke its fur before stepping in and shutting the door behind the boy. Dumbledore was on his desk, apparently jotting something down on a piece of parchment. He looked up at you, and once again revealing your true self, you sat down on his armchair while staring at a torn part of your robes. 

The Headmaster signalled for Fawkes to fly over, and landing on your shoulder, you instantly sighed in relief as thick, pearly tears fell onto the gash on your cheek, giving you comfort from the stinging. Touching the spot where the glass was driven in, you were surprised to feel no scar, silently thanking the phoenix in the process as it flew back. You now had your full attention on Dumbledore, who was staring intently back at you. 

For a while, neither one of you spoke, you wondering if he would be the one to initiate the conversation, and him waiting for you to speak. The silence hung heavy in the air, and finally, wanting to ease the tension that had formed into the room, you began by pulling up your left sleeve. The Dark Mark burned black, and for the first time in a while, you finally saw Dumbledore's face fill with concern. _It was the one thing that he had suspected but still managed to stun him tonight._

"You need to fire me. I cannot stay here, with...this." You let your hand travel to the space on your forearm, avoiding Dumbledore's gaze as he kept silent, still. "I pose a risk to Harry, and even tonight, as he nearly escaped death, it was all my fault that he ended up in the graveyard, actually. Therefore after I tell you everything I know and what I have been through, I wish to resign. I will try to find another wizard to fill my spot as the Ministry spy for you, and Severus can take over my position as Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher until my replacement comes, of course. Then I will leave Hogwarts forever, Dumbledore, and I promise you I won't-"

"(y/n)." He finally spoke, his voice calm again. Your eyes lifted to his, and you noticed that he had not moved from his position, still studying your Dark Mark. "You saved Harry Potter tonight, did you not?"

"I did no such thing. He was lucky, and he had the strength to push through, while I..." You chuckled dryly, "...I was simply there, at the right place, and at the right time."

"Harry told me that there had been a Death Eater that flung the Cup his way while he was still trying to bring Cedric's body with him. He said...if that Death Eater had not done it, he would not have made it back. Something tells that that Death Eater, had been _you_."

You inhaled sharply, averting your gaze again. The portraits on the walls were pretending to be asleep, but you knew they had been listening to the whole conversation. "It doesn't matter if I helped save him or not. He saved himself, but it does not change the fact that I am a _Death Eater_ now, Headmaster. Soon, The Dark Lord will call me to him once again, and the longer I stay here, the more risk I will be putting you, this school, and Harry Potter in. I need to go, Dumbledore."

"Which brings me to the question..." He leaned forward as you got up to leave. "...Why, have you joined them, exactly?"

You turned back to him, and it seemed as if Dumbledore was reading your mind, but you shook off the feeling as your gaze softened. You were embarrassed to say it, but he needed to know. "Severus. I did it to protect Severus."

And then you told him everything. From when Lucius Malfoy first approached you at the train station before the start of the school term, to when he passed you the token that turned to a Dark Pensieve in which you met The Dark Lord in, to how he was using you as a looking glass into Hogwarts, and finally to how Crouch Jr. constantly reminded you on what would happen if you betrayed him. Then you spoke about what you had planned to do to thwart his plans, to try to prevent Harry from touching the Cup, and how you ended up in the graveyard, and your own account on what happened in it. Apparently, your story seemed to match Harry's, because Dumbledore did not speak for the duration of your explanation, only nodding at parts to tell you he was still listening. When you finished, however, he took a while to gather his thoughts, before standing and facing the window overlooking the forest and lake near the school. His back was turned to you, and you stared silently at both of your reflections on the window.

"I will leave tonight, pack up all my things and never come back here if you spare me, Dumbledore. But if you could do me one last favour before I go, I would really owe you the world," you said, and from the reflection, Dumbledore nodded to prompt you to continue. "Don't tell Severus, about any of this, please. I would prefer to end things with him in my own way, if I may. I wouldn't want him to know...the real reasons for me doing what I did."

Dumbledore then turned, and in his eyes was a look you could not recognise. There seemed to be a gush of wind that suddenly flew and blew both yours and his robes, making his next words seem almost otherworldly. You could hardly believe it when he spoke.

"I will do you that favour, only if you do me mine, which is for you to stay in this school, and join the Order of the Phoenix in the fight against Voldemort."


	22. A Piece Of Parchment

25th June 1995

 _The Order of the Phoenix,_ what even was that? Your mind struggled to process any part of what he just said, and furthermore, _why would he want you to stay?_ Perhaps he had misheard you, he had misheard everything you just explained to him, on how The Dark Lord was using you to look into his plans, on how you were a _Death Eater_ now, the Dark Mark on your forearm the proof of it. 

"I don't quite understand, Headmaster, I just told you-"

"The Order of the Phoenix was a secret society I founded to fight against Voldemort in the first war. Considering everything that has happened tonight, I think it is time it reunited, and I want you to be a part of it, too. So needless to say, I refuse to accept your resignation, because you are going to join me, along with members of the Order, in the fight against Voldemort for the second time, and you are going to continue your position as spy for the Ministry as well as the school's Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher. Merlin knows the students need you more than ever now, and I cannot risk hiring someone else to do your job, it would be putting the students at risk, too. You are needed here, and I want you here. In case you haven't noticed, _Severus_ has the Dark Mark too, and he is still with us, isn't he? I trust you to do the same."

You stepped back in hesitance. "Are you not afraid...of me? Afraid of what is going to happen if I stay here? Dumbledore, I am putting you at risk, putting _Severus_ and everybody else at risk if I join you."

"Are you saying that you are my enemy now, (y/n)? I thought I had raised you better than that." A hint of a smile played on his lips. "Are you saying you are willingly joining _his side_?"

"...No." 

"Then stay. I am sure we can figure things out from here, and I am confident you know whose side you are really on, regardless of that mark on your arm. When the time comes, you will see, you will see why I have done everything I did, why I decided to keep you by my side, and why I refuse to let you go so easily. But these things take time, and I am afraid time is not something I can manipulate, to tell you everything now. You can only trust me, trust my word. Stay with us, and in the moments where he calls upon you, you know what to do. Right now, all you need to know is that you are a pivotal person in winning this war, and that I cannot afford to let you leave like this. "

"I don't think the other members of your Order would be too welcoming to a Death Eater joining them, Dumbledore. How could anyone trust me? How could _you_ trust me?" You frowned, your hand subconsciously drifting towards your left forearm. 

"Well then, that should be a secret kept between us, shouldn't it? As long as no one knows, and as long as you set your priorities straight, I am sure you will do just fine. We will figure this out more in the coming months that you are going to _spend with me_ , but right now, I have Cornelius Fudge to talk to, as well as Cedric Diggory's parents and almost everyone else that is in the infirmary. You should follow me, I am sure Severus will be there." He gave a faint smile, and your heart tugged at how horrible you felt, because despite everything, the man in front of you was willing to take you back, to give you a second chance to stay loyal to him, and you swore right there and then, that you were not going to abuse that chance. "Besides, if you dare to leave, I still have the favour you owe me, and _I will tell Severus._ " 

You let out a soft laugh, before following him out of his office. Halfway through, you split with him to change into a new set of robes before meeting the others, and as you exited your quarters, you met face to face with the man you had longed to see the whole night. 

"Severus." But he said nothing to you, instead reaching out one of his hands to hold yours, and pulling you to his office, he pinned you against the wall before you could question what he was doing. His lips brushed tenderly over yours, and there seemed to be a fervour, a drive, that made them travel all over your face as he shut his eyes and let his hands roam your body too. Then, they moved towards your neck and your collarbones, almost as if he was trying to memorise the feel of you, as if he was trying to consume you before you disappeared in front of his very eyes. As his teeth grazed your jaw, you finally cupped his face to make him look at you. He averted his gaze, before groaning and letting his head fall on your shoulder, wrapping your smaller frame against himself. 

"I was so scared, so scared tonight, you don't even know," he mumbled against your skin, taking in your smell. "A new war is beginning again, and everything that I have ever loved has always left me in wars. I don't know how I am going to do this, what if you left me too?"

"You know I would never do that, Sev. Now come on, we have to go, Dumbledore has requested for both of us to be there, at the infirmary."

"No, no, wait." He spent another few moments to inhale the comforting scent of your hair, your skin, and your clothing, before he steadied himself. He had come to a conclusion that night, as he watched you return to his arms after the Dark Mark burned, and as much as he tried to remind himself that what he was going to ask of you was a spur in the moment decision, he could not help but feel that the timing could never be more right. He had to ask you, or he would live with the uncertainty that you would leave one day too, for the rest of his life. Severus did not know how he was going to have the strength to fight in the war if you did. 

"Marry me."

He felt you freeze. Your hand that had been rubbing comfortingly on his back, suddenly dropped. Then he heard a soft laugh. "Of course, Sev. In a few years, of course I will marry you."

"No, not in a few years. Not in a few months, or a few days, even. I want to marry you _now_." 

You finally pulled away from him, the look on your face something Severus could not make out. "What?"

"I _cannot_ spend another day with knowing what is going to happen or what can happen, and there is nothing I can be sure of that will come in the future, with The Dark Lord back, but one thing that I need to be sure of, (y/n), is _you_. I need to marry you now, to have at least one thing in my life that is constant, that can give me the strength to continue. I love you, and I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Please, please, marry me."

 _He was serious._ Taken aback, you spent a few seconds to stare blankly at his face, his eyes carrying uncertainty and fear in them, and then once those seconds were over, something else overcame you. You were sure of it this time, that you were not clouded with emotions or feelings, and that the decision you were making was one you were going to honour and keep for the rest of your life. But in reality, life was not so simple, and you wished you could say yes right away. 

"We don't have _time_ to get married, Severus. We don't have time to plan a wedding, or to pick out wedding dresses and robes, or to even invite guests to our wedding. We still have to head to the infirmary after this, and then you and I know Dumbledore is going to need us more than ever, and then after that we have to protect Harry Potter and the students here, and then more things will be thrown our way even after we finish the tasks we are supposed to carry out. There is no time we can spare for this, Sev, and I really wished there was, because I want to say _yes_ so badly to you right now, to have you as my husband right now, and to spend the rest of my life as your wife, _but we don't have the luxury of time._ " 

The man in front of you did not have the reaction you were expecting him to have, and you wondered if he had even heard you at all, because he was smiling that intoxicating smile of his, and his hand was still holding onto yours tightly. In fact, he instead held it tighter for a brief moment, before letting you go and going to his desk. He searched through them for a while, and you furrowed your eyebrows.

"Sev-" But he had pulled out a piece of parchment, and dipping his quill into his inkwell, he sat on his desk while inviting you to his lap. "-What are you doing?"

"Getting us married." He began writing on the parchment, and you looked at him incredulously. "I want to be with you forever, and you want to be with me forever. And in order to do that, we need to make vows, a commitment, a contract. So come here, my love, and let's write out _our vows._ "

You could cry, as your feet carried you forward and allowed you to settle on his lap. He rested his head on top of yours to be able to see the parchment, and began to write.

"I, Severus Snape, promise to love and cherish my wife until the day I die, and to never leave, no matter how rough things get. What about you?" He handed the quill to you, and taking it, you deliberated for a moment on what you wanted to say. There was only so much space left, and you wondered if one sentence in that piece of parchment was enough to encapsulate all your love for Severus.

"And I," you wrote your name, "Promise to stand by my husband through everything, and to love him through his darkest days and celebrate him in his highest moments." 

Severus grinned at you as your handwriting contrasted with his, and lifting up the paper, he studied it carefully before signing his name at the bottom. You signed it too, and it seemed as if a huge weight had been lifted off your shoulders.

You turned to him, asking, "So...what happens now?"

"Now, I kiss the bride." He carefully tucked your hair behind your ear, and even though it had happened about a million times and you had been able to taste his lips in more occasions than one, your heart still fluttered in your chest and the butterflies still erupted in your stomach as he leaned in to capture your lips in his. 

"And we're married?"

"We're married." 

You could not control the wide smile that broke out on your face as he took the piece of parchment, and moved to his quarters to pin it up right above his bed. "There, that's proof of our marriage. I cannot wait to spend the rest of my life with you, Mrs Snape." 

Holding his hand in yours, you and Severus began the long walk down to the infirmary. As you arrived, however, the air had gone back to a tense atmosphere as Minerva seemed to butt heads with Fudge, with Dumbledore giving Fudge cold looks too. From bits of their conversation, you finally made out that a Dementor had entered Hogwarts, and ended Crouch Jr.'s fate, and Dumbledore was not at all pleased with it, because Fudge was _denying_ whatever had happened tonight. He refused to believe that The Dark Lord had truly risen. _This must by what Dumbledore was afraid of, what he needed me for._

Harry was lying awake and on a bed, and your gaze drifted to him as he studied the scene, another wave of relief washing over you. Then his eyes met yours, but if they carried any sign of recognition, he did not show it, because he looked away from you you as fast as it took for him to meet your gaze. 

"Look! I saw Voldemort come back!" He suddenly shouted, and you winced. "I saw the Death Eaters! I can give you their names! Lucius Malfoy-"

Severus jerked beside you, but you held on to his hand firmly, giving him a reassuring squeeze. Fudge continued trying to disprove the boy, earning yells and disagreements from both Minerva and Dumbledore. _Wow, this man really was thick._ As Dumbledore continued advising him on what the Ministry should do, including freeing Azkaban from the clutches of the Dementors and sending envoys to the giants, his face only grew redder and redder. At the suggestion of the parting of ways, however, the man nearly exploded. 

But the potions professor beside you strode forward, and despite you trying to hold him back, you knowing what he was about to do, he seemed determined. He stuck out his forearm, and showed it a recoiling Fudge, his Dark Mark clear as day. Your eyes shot towards Dumbledore, the Headmaster only giving you a slight nod, as if to tell you _he understood._ Your own mark suddenly felt weighted, as if your left forearm not only carried the consequences of it, but an actual weight that pressed down onto you as well. You watched as Severus bravely explained everything to everyone in the room, knowing that the Weasleys had a look of slight disgust on their faces and Minerva had one of uncertainty, but as he finished, you chose to hold his hand again, giving him the support he needed. _I'm proud of you_ , you silently whispered, and a hint of a smile played on his lips. 

After Fudge left, however, Dumbledore began disseminating instructions again. Bill Weasley left to inform his father, Minerva went to find Hagrid and Madame Maxime, Madam Pomfrey was tasked to help out Crouch Jr.'s very distressed house-elf, but perhaps what had caught your attention the most, was Dumbledore instructing the dog that had been at Harry's side to return to its usual form. Sirius Black appeared, and you felt Severus' grip on your hand tighten as he once again came face to face with one of his former bullies. The Headmaster wanted them to trust each other, to lay aside differences, but you knew it would be harder for Severus than he thought. Sirius, too, looked like he was ready to bite the man's head off. 

Sirius was tasked to find the remaining members of the Order, and finally, Dumbledore turned to you and Severus. He noticed your intertwined hands, and something flashed in his eyes as he looked up at the both of you. "You two, you already know what I am going to ask of you. If you are ready...if you are prepared..."

"We are."


	23. Coming Full Circle

25th June 1995

As you settled into bed beside Severus that night, the words on the parchment clearly shown off under the moonlight, you could not have felt more relieved to be able to finally lay back and shut your eyes. Severus, however, seemed to have his thoughts running very loud. He was tossing and turning beside you, and although you tried to ignore it at first, you could not leave it be for any longer when he began thrashing about almost frustratingly to himself.

"Sev, what's wrong?" Your hand reached out to caress his face, but he turned away from you, his expression almost pained. _Did he regret it? Did he regret asking me to marry him? Merlin, he must have thought I was a fool to say yes._

Your eyes fleeted to the parchment again before you felt him suddenly stand, the bed springing back as he removed his weight. Severus paced around the room worriedly for a while, you watching his every move as he first tried to pour himself a cup of tea from the kettle, then setting it down when he felt that it did little to calm himself, he hastily rearranged the remaining potion bottles on his shelves, until finally when there were no more potion bottles left and his hands were empty, he angrily ruffled them through his hair, as if he wanted to pull them out. You immediately jumped off of the bed when he did so, knowing he was in another one of his self-destructive episodes. 

"Severus, Severus, look at me." Your hands flew over his, bringing them down from his torrent of rage and forcing his face to meet with yours. Without his hair to obstruct his vision any longer, he seemed even more frustrated with himself as he made eye contact with you. "Severus, tell me, what's wrong?"

He huffed in annoyance, before pushing past you to lean against the wall beside his desk. He frowned deeply. "I just...I just remembered the manner in which I proposed to you earlier and..." He stared reproachfully at the parchment on the wall. "...Merlin, I wished I had done it so differently. I know you would have probably wanted a fancy proposal of some sort, with flowers at your feet and mesmerising chandeliers hanging from a hall in which I proposed to you in, with maybe our friends and everyone else watching, and-and...you would probably have wanted me to write a speech, to tell you how much I love you and what you mean to me in the most romantic way possible, and then I would slip a ring that I scoured the earth to find for on your finger, to remind you that you too, are my diamond in the rough. And then it will all have been _so beautiful_ , and...and...argh!" He leaned back harshly to bang his head against the wall, causing you to rush forward in concern to stop him from doing it again.

"...And instead, what I did was so...underwhelming. I asked you to marry me in _my office_ , for crying out loud. And that-" He jabbed a finger towards the parchment, "-That isn't even an official marriage certificate. And I don't even have a ring to propose to you with, not to mention the fancy flowers and chandeliers and everything else. I shouldn't have asked you to marry me _like that_... Because if my proposal was _that_ lame and underwhelming, how would our marriage even be like? I would be an underwhelming husband, always disappointing you, always never being able to give you everything you deserve. You deserve _so much better_ , (y/n), and I...I disappoint."

Severus leaned back again, this time with your hands behind his head to ensure he would not hurt himself, and sighed loudly. His own heart was riddled with guilt, and the circumstances in which he proposed to you seemed to only sink in when you laid beside him on the bed that night, reminding him of how much he wished he had done things differently. He studied your face then, raking his eyes over your eyes, your nose, your mouth, and another surge of regret overwhelmed him. _You could have anybody else, anybody else you wanted, but why me? Why did you pick me?_

But then the chuckle that came from you took him by surprise. "Are you done, Sev?"

"What?"

"I asked, if you were done with deprecating yourself." You brought him to sit on the bed, and climbed onto his lap as he stared at you towering over him. Your hair fell in your faces as you leaned your forehead against his. "Because it is my turn to say my piece. You, you magic of a man, are incredibly dense at times, you know? Did you think I would have said yes if I was not ready to marry you, Severus? Did you think I would have cared if your proposal was _fancy_ enough or if you had prepared a ring and speech to convince me to marry you? Merlin, I love you, Sev, and you spilling your heart out to me was more than enough. I have loved you for nearly five years now, and trust me, your actions have always spoken louder than your words, and you know you would never need to do all these things for me to want to marry you. I could not have been happier to have become your wife tonight, and to spend the rest of my life with you, because that's what matters, isn't it? The marriage, not the proposal or the wedding, Severus, and I _know_ you will be the best husband in the world, because I cannot fathom marrying anybody else. So please, don't beat yourself up over this, okay? I am not disappointed, nor am I angry at the way you proposed, so please...just come back into bed with me, and let's sleep together tonight, for the first time, as husband and wife." 

Severus immediately wrapped you in his arms, and not letting you go until the morning, he held you all night in his embrace. He knew he was the luckiest man on earth then. He swore, that in a better time, better place, after the war was over and he could have you all to himself, he would propose again, he would buy you the most expensive ring he could find, he would write you page after page of poetry signifying his love for you, and he would have a proper wedding with you. To be able to see you walk down the aisle in your white dress and kiss you in front of everyone he knew to prove for once and for all that you were his, was something that Severus knew he had to experience. But for now, that piece of parchment, along with you being by his side, was enough.

27th June 1995

"Harry! Ron! Hermione! Wait up!" The trio turned right before they set off for the Hogwarts Express to bring them back to London, and their faces turned to a mixture of shock and surprise as you came running towards them. Grinning, you approached, and from the pocket of your robes, you gave them each parting gifts. Ron and Hermione opened their jaws in awe at the glimmering presents, but you had dragged Harry a little further away as they started talking about it, wanting to apologise to him.

Harry turned back warily towards them, before hearing out what you had to say. "Listen, I want to say I am sorry, for how I treated you this year. I was a little...distracted with other things, and it made it seem as if I didn't care about you anymore. I do care, I care so much about you that it hurts, and seeing you that night...I cannot imagine just how you felt. I want to make things right between us, Harry, especially with how things are now. So...truce?"

You outstretched your hand, and he seemed to stare at it for a moment, deliberating on whether or not to shake it. You then realised that your apology had probably meant nothing to him, considering everything he has lost, everything he has been through, and you were just about to put it down in embarrassment, when you felt his arms wrap around you instead. You were squished into a hug with him, and chuckling softly, you could hear him muttering _how glad he was that you were back,_ before mentioning a truce as well. 

You would never know if he truly could identify you from the graveyard, or if he would ever know that it was you who had flung the Cup towards him, or if it was _you_ that had put him into mortal peril and tried desperately to not let him die, or even if he knew that you were currently tasked to be the one to protect him through it all, along with everyone else in the order, but what mattered then was that you had won back his trust, his approval, and you could not be more glad. Hugging him back as tightly, you only let go when the last students had streamed into the train, and you wished him goodbye wistfully.

He was just about to turn a corner into the train, when he looked back at you. "Can I spend the summer...at your place?"

You smiled sadly. It would have been your pleasure, and you wanted nothing more for him to do so, to avoid the horrible Muggle family that would greet him when he arrived and have him spend his holidays with you instead. Spending the hot summer days at the beach or the park or even in the garden with him, training for and playing Quidditch with him, and spending the arid summer nights cooking him dinner and hearing him talk about his days with you, it would have made you so happy. _A family unit_ , the pair of you would be, and your heart clenched at the thought. You so badly wanted to say yes, but _you could not._ So digging your fingernails in your hands as you spoke, you replied, "You will see me sooner than you think, Harry. Enjoy your summer." 

And then you watched as he waved at you from the window, the train bringing him far, far away from you.

When you returned to your quarters that night, however, you discovered that Severus had packed your usual trunks for you, along with a smaller trunk beside them that you had never seen before. The man greeted you with a kiss on the cheek as you moved to inspect it, and he wrapped his arms around your waist as you looked at him quizzically. 

"I may not have given you the best proposal, but I want to give you the best honeymoon you can have, my love. Let's go for a short getaway, just you and me, before we have to return to help Dumbledore with both of our missions. How does that sound?" He pulled out two tickets to show you, and hearing your laugh and giggle as you kissed him over and over again made Severus' heart skip a beat. As you agreed, you soon felt yourself being swooped into the air by his strong arms, him laughing and smiling too, and your own heart squeezed at the thought of yourself possibly being the only person in the world who had the chance to see him like that. It seemed as if nothing else mattered, other than his expression right then. Your own secrets, your mission for Dumbledore, your mission for The Dark Lord, you knew you would do anything to be able to see that smile and hear that laugh for the rest of your life, and you knew that you would _die_ for the man in front of you. If it was the last thing you would see in the world before you died, then you knew you would die happy, and everything you went through would have been worth it. Severus Snape was by far not a perfect man, but he was the perfect man for you, in your eyes, and you could not believe you had the privilege of _marrying him_.

Then an idea struck you. "Sev, before we go, I want to see something first. Come, follow me."

You led him to _the room_. It was the very room where the Mirror of Erised was kept initially, and then put back when Harry had defeated Quirrell using the mirror. But the room carried a completely different meaning for the both of you, for it was the room that _Severus confessed_ , it was the room where he had made you his. He swallowed the uncertainty in his throat as you pulled him in, and he was just about to ask you what you were planning on doing when you asked him to step in front of the mirror. He did so warily, but when he saw that the reflection in front of him had not changed from years ago, his shoulders seemed to release the tension they had been carrying, and he did not know whether to laugh or cry. He watched carefully as the reflection of you in the mirror held his hand, while adjusting the little boy in your arms, him leaning over to kiss his cheek. Severus' heart leapt. 

"What do you see?"

"The exact same thing I saw years ago. You, me, and...the little boy. Our son." Severus dared himself to look at you, and your eyes held the softest gaze ever for him. He gave the reflection one last longing look, knowing he had to step away before he fell too in love with it, and prompted you to take his place. You hesitated, because the last time you did, what you saw there, _was not him_. But it was your idea in the first place to revisit the mirror anyway, and you walked over, readying yourself for what you would see. 

This time, your reflection nearly made you laugh out loud, but you could not deny the pure happiness you felt as you reached out to touch Severus' face in it, your eyes raking over his appearance.

"What is it? What do you see?" He probed the question, still staring at your amused face. 

"Merlin, you look _old_ , Severus."

"What are you talking about?" He wanted to see what you were seeing, but he knew he could not, so he settled for pestering you until you relented.

In the end, you beamed as you told him. "It's the both of us, except we are older, you with your wrinkles and that grumpy scowl you have on made worse, and me, me grinning widely as you hold me, Severus. Is that how I will look when I grow older?" You touched your face. "Merlin, I can't believe my deepest desire is for us to _grow old together_."

You could hardly contain your next set of laughs as it took Severus exactly two strides forward to sweep you off of your feet and hoist you into the air, him kissing you deeply when he heard your last sentence. He was grinning, too, and as you softly threaded your fingers through his hair and let him carry you around the room while never letting his lips leave yours, you realised, that despite everything that awaited outside of your little happy bubble right then, life could not have been more perfect. Everything had come to a full circle, and you were ending your relationship as a couple and starting your marriage as husband and wife in the very same room that Severus and you first got together in. Your heart could not carry more love for the man.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow look how far we have come :') between juggling schoolwork and many, many projects in my life, i am glad that i have been blessed with the time to write and publish daily for this fic, and i am even more blessed to have all of u by my side to read my works, to give me kudos, to comment on each chapter, and to be the best thing that i have received this 2020. i know i say this at the end of every fic but u guys mean more to me than u will ever know. 
> 
> thank u for being my light in the darkness, and as i end this very meaningful year with u guys in my life, i want to get to know u, as well as let u get to know me better. throughout the writing process of my works, i have always set the mood by listening to frank ocean's endless and blonde on repeat, so tell me, what have u guys been listening to this past year? i find music very much defines a person, to be honest. 
> 
> as always, if u have anything u want to ask me or if u want to talk and be friends, just drop a comment down below :) i wish you a very merry christmas, and i will see u in grimmauld place, in the new year. 
> 
> until then x


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